Being caught right in the middle by the person who owned the field.

Turned out the nice little field we had found to have a picnic was not public land like my hubby had thought.

 

Have had a girl vomit on me as she was straddling me....worst/funniest?...Was living with a girl and she had just left the shower wrapped only in a towel...decided that playing the Big bad towel Stealing Monster would be fun..and stalked her from room to room while she ran around shrieking and laughing....I was naked she was naked....knock at the door..I open door, just enough to see who was there...The police....seemingly the neighbours hearing a girl shrieking, thought there was something bad happening and called the police....I told the police everything was ok, nothing to worry about...The policeman replied that he couldn take my word for it and could they please enter the property to check if the woman of the house was ok..
Can I bring her to the door?
No
Can i get her to explain she was ok?
No
Could I.......
No..please open the door sir or we will have to....
I reluctantly stepped back to allow the officers into the house.....
I can laugh about it now....but......

 

That made me laugh, thanks ^_^

 

Purposely walked in with your little brother? WTH??

 

now that made my morning!!! I can think of a few times I'm surprised cops didn't come knocking lol.


I was giving head and had been for a while. Had a few shots. He held my head down just a little too long and I almost threw up on him. He heard it and knew what happened. I looked up and said "yeah...you might not want to do that too long". Didn't kill the mood thankfully.

 

Lady friend of mine, many years ago, around 1960, told me that she and her bf were fucking in a parked car and completely naked. She was about 16 at the time. Two cops arrive with flashlights and order her out of the car naked. They told her to get in the squad car, and told the bf to stay where he was and shut up.
She refused to get in the cop car. They told her if she didn't they would call her mother. She knew right away they ere going to rape her, so she started yelling at the top of her lunges, "yes call my mother, I want my mother now! I want my mother!" It was loud enough that people in nearby houses could probably hear her. The two cops ran for their car and took off. Smart girl.

 

Picked up some girl in a club - drunk as fuck and powerfucking her from behind with us out of the car and her face down in the back seat. She came like a banshee, wailing and hollering as I blew a huge load. I pulled out and wiped off - with a ton of color. I asked if she was on her rag (I was drunk and pissed, so I didn't phrase it politely) and she proceeds to tell me that she had had an abortion a week back and wasn't supposed to have sex at all... as my cum was running down her leg.

Killed that buzz, tout suite.

 

Does getting herpes count? Granted, I didn't find out for a few days. It was in 1981, right before AIDS came on the scene. I was 24. It was on the cover of Time magazine in big red letters. I felt like a pariah. I was convinced that no one would ever touch me again, let alone love me. I was celibate for the rest of my 20's. I didn't even try to find out if a man would accept me. Then when I was 30 and people were dropping like flies from AIDS, I came to my senses. As much of a hassle as herpes is, it doesn't kill you or cause cancer like HPV. The first guy I dated post herpes didn't have a problem with it. And the second guy and the third. In 30 years I've only had one guy say "no thanks", and I ALWAYS tell my potential partners. After we've had a major makeout session, I let them know. I just tell them that when I'm not having an outbreak that it's safest that they wear a condom and when I'm having an outbreak I'm off limits from the waist down (I only have 1 or 2 outbreaks a year now). When they ask what that means, I tell them it means blowjobs to orgasm for a week. They don't seem to mind I even had one boyfriend for a year that went bareback and never got it. I emphasized that it was really safer to use a condom, but he just didn't like them and I figured it was his body. So herpes is a drag, but it's not the end of the world.

 

I have had to leave the first blow job I was giving to a guy I wanted soooooo bad so that I could vomit.

I've farted, queefed, and peed a bit.

None of that tops a night with an ex lover though, we were laying in the floor watching movies when a sexy scene came on and we started to get into it. Well my cell was laying on the blanket with us, touch screen cell to be exact and some how we managed to hit the SOS emergency dialer calling 911. The lady on the other end heard the fumbling and apparently him saying some very Dom phrases and sent the police. Who then proceeded to bang on the door, waking his roommates, and demand we both exit the house immediatly so they could verify that I wasnt being hurt. So I had to walk out into his yard, naked, with nothing to cover up with except a tank top. To add insult to injury, the chaos had woken all of his neighbors who were out on the lawn.

Needless to say I didnt go back to his house.

 

A couple things...

I was going down on this girl once and she farted. Fortunately it didn't stink.

Once I was screwing my girlfriend in high school out on a two-track in the woods. A fucking pickup truck came up behind us and we were in the back seat, of a two door. I HAD to pull my pants up and climb over the seat and drive the car.

Another time I was with a girl at a bar. We were partying and she was always up for some sex. After the bar closed we were out in the parking lot making out. We drove separately. I opened the back door of my 4-door car and had her slide in. I slid her pants off and starting eating her smooth, tight, shaved pussy. The lower half of my body was basically out of the car, I was kneeling on the pavement and licking her pussy. All of a sudden I get kicked in the ass, hard! I turned and looked and it was an ex-girlfriend. I felt terrible for the girl I was munching on. I gave her her pants and because this psycho broad wouldn't leave, I just got in the back seat with my girl and shut the door. I wasn't going to leave her there by herself in that awkward situation.

Finally, (I saved the best for last). I was out in my Dad's van with the same girl I was banging in the woods. We were going to a HS dance that night but decided to go knock off a piece before we went to the dance. The dome light in the van was burned out so we had to fumble around in the dark. As usual, I had to go down on her. I just loved eating pussy...always have. Then we screwed and went to the dance. We walked in the school and a friend of mine was in the lower lobby of the HS. He came up to us and said, "where the hell have you been, out killing chickens?". I had blood all over my face! It seems my girls period started and she didn't know. I went into the bathroom, cleaned up then danced the night away. :excited:

 

Worst two things that have happened to me: Once my girlfriends brother walked in on us.

and another time we were staying in a hotel, and we were right in the middle of doing it when the fire alarm went off.

 

it hasn't happened yet

 

I got queef'd to the face before eating out

 

wow that's a hard one to answer..maybe realize it's her sister your fucking or her mom,lol....but that wouldn't be to bad,lol.

 

Me and a couple of girls having a whale of a time licking, sucking and fucking when I hear a voice from behind me yelling "get the fuck off my wife" I didn't even know she was married. Man that got ugly

 

Have to be the wife doing the reverse cowgirl and leaning back too far....she'll come off of me and slam back down and her pelvis will about break my dick in half.

 

I was staying in a caravan (trailer) in the car park of an amusement arcade I worked at, my GF came round at lunchtimes & we spent our time screwing.
One lunchtime, whilst enjoying a cigarette afterwards, I realised there was quite a lot going on outside.
I pulled back the curtains to see a whole fire crew tackling a blaze in a skip parked no more than 6 feet from the window.
We had been very noisy...

I also got my banjo string caught in the gap between a girls teeth.
I screamed like a girl that night!

 

I wanted to fuck this girl from school. I met her when I was a senior in HS and she was freshman. I graduated from HS but kept going back to school to talk to some of my friends and started telling her to come to my house and stuff. She said yes and when we got home my dick wouln't get up. I felt really ashamed of myself, all that time trying to get her and when I finally do I didn't work from the waist down. She even asked me if it was because of her. I had to make up for my dick not working so I ate her till orgasm. After that she kept coming back to my house and to this day if I want to fuck but don't have anyone I call her and she will be more than willing to.

 

Fucking in the shower....shaving cream fell off a shelf..hit me in the head.. knocked me out for a few seconds.. ( it must have hit me just right in the head)...

Husband ( back in highschool) on top of me with his feet on the wall... busted threw the wall....had to make up some bullshit story to my father as to how it happened.

then just general things that happen to most people.. farting during sex from going too hard lol

 

there was one time, making wild passionate love to the girlfriend, we were really oing for it, full on angry, I want to fuck the living daylights out of you sex when she suddenly screams...and this scream let me know immediately something was wrong...We stopped, she couldn't move her neck, muscles or something had locked and she was in extreme agony at the slightest movement....We waited and we tried stuff but in the end, I had to call an ambulance.
When we got to the hospital they whisked her away while i was left cooling my heels in the hallway...after awhile i notice that everytime a nurse walks by she is glaring at me...I mean if looks could kill.
Afterwards my girlfriend told me that the doctor wouldnt beleive the injury was caused by us making love (he had to coax that from her) but thought the injury was because i had been violent towards her, and that explained the animosity from the nurses