Couldn't have said it better. Yes kids are hard but honestly raising my daughter has been a breeze except for four mounths after her birth when I got post partum. However the OP doesnt just sound selfish, they sound VERY immature and not ready to be responsible. Even aside from this post, look at other stuff he has posted before. They have the combined maturity level of a 5 year old. They are probably going to do it either way no matter what people tell them, I just feel bad for the kid.

 

I'll be as honest as i can. Wait till your 30, live your life to the fullest, cause if you dont you will reget it. My little one is a little over a year old and the greatest thing in my life, and also the biggest pain in the ass! We can't eat unless she lets us, we cant sleep if she does'nt want to sleep. And trust me when you are lacking sleep, you will not be thinking straight at all. No sex life at all! trust me you are not ready for that responsibility. Of course if your one of those parents that just hands off their kids to the grandparents or someone EVERY other day and weekend so they can party, then you would do fine. But in my opinion thats not parenting. GET an inside dog, a puppy, maybe 2. That will somewhat prepare you for parenthood.

 

Having a miscarriage is a loss and it's natural to grieve, plus you've got some things going on with your hormones as well. But while they bring joy, a baby is a lot of responsibility. If you want something to cuddle and love, adopt a couple of kittens, and be sure to get THEM fixed so they won't make more kittens. You don't have to feed them every 2 to 3 hours. Just put out their food and water and they'll eat when they're hungry. You don't have to pay for and change 5 to 10 diapers a day for the first 12 months. Just clean their litter box once a day. You don't have to clothe them. You don't have to arrange for or pay for day care while you're working or going to school. You can play with them when you want and they'll play with each other when you don't.

Seriously, get on hormonal birth control NOW. The shot, the patch or an IUD is most effective and you won't have to worry about forgetting a pill.

The fact that you feel like you must have a baby NOW indicates you can't postpone gratification. Being able to postpone gratification is a sign of maturity. If you are mature enough to be a parent, you are mature enough to WAIT. If you aren't mature enough to wait. you aren't mature enough to be a parent. If you aren't mature enough to use effective birth control, you shouldn't even be having sex and unless you were both virgins when you got together and neither of you has sex with others, you should get tested for STD's as well. The GF should get the Gardasil vaccine to protect her from HPV, the virus that causes cervical cancer. That's assuming she hasn't already been exposed to it. It's all part of being a sexually responsible ADULT.

 

uh excuse me swingerguy.. raising a child IS hard.. and NO I'm not a lazy parent.

I had bad fertility issues ( hence why I have a son so damn young) They ddint know If i could even get pregnant, and we could fully care of a child without any help... SO we went ahead with fertility drugs..

I had an emergency c-section with my little womb piggy... and I have been sick since the day I had him! In screaming crying pain. Come to find out.. my gallbladder has to come out!

Dispit being sick 24/7 and worrying about my fucking pancrease blowing the fuck up... I do EVERYTHING for my son and my husband... I also care for our home.. So just because one person says parenting isn't easy does NOT mean they are lazy.

WHat i MENT by its hard.....suddenly.. with an infant.. you find yourself not able to go take a shit when you want, bathe when you want, or EAT when you want!!!...and sleeping! PFFFFT kiss that shit good bye.. everyone says " sleep when the baby sleeps".. yea well.. you also have to shower, eat, and take a crap.... clean the house ( unless you WANT to live in a dump..which you probly will be anyways if you chose to have a child before either of you have a secured job or education)

Having a baby ( not a child.. a child can talk and do alot of things by themselfs) is NOT a cake walk..

You better enjoy holding your own crap for extended amounts of time... not eatting for hours on end.... not sleeping..... No sex ( unless the kid is asleep..and good luck) showers only when you get the chance...spending ALL of your money on diapers, formula, clothes( for the kid) wipes, and other items that add up fast.. then you have all of your bills... the kid has to see a doctor at 2 weeks, 2 months 4 months 6 months 8 months 10months 12 months ect ect ect...they have to have immunizations that add up fast. you better enjoy washing clothes 40 billion times a week. not to mention the hospital bill for HAVING the child...(unless of course you get on government assistances..and your family..and everyone else you know foots the bill..which is what is likely to happen) and if you have a c-section which are on the rise... you are looking at a 20,000 dollar PLUS bill!!

seriously..when it's YOUR child.. it's different.. you are with this baby 24/7 you do NOT get a break. babies need constant care.. it's not like at 6pm.. they go away.. or they go away on weekends (unless you are divorced.. which can happen. its all too common)
and god forbide you get a child with colic!!!!
yes.. they smile at you.. yes it makes it all worth it. and yes...eventually they go to sleep.. and YES eventually they grow up...

but it IS hard. when you are used to doing only for you ..then suddenly BAM you have a new thing to care for..it's difficult. it really is.

swinger and amas both have older children than me... my son is 2 months old. I STILL remember what it's like to have a newborn..because I still have one.


I'm just telling you.. you really need to think about it.. Just because you have been pregnant and had a miscarriage does not mean you are ready. I can't imagen what you are going though, but replacing a loss with another baby is not a "fix" for the hole in your heart hun.

If NOTHING else... PLEASE save for a nice vacation.. like a cruise...before having a baby. You will NEVER regret going on that vacation!!!!! however... if you have a baby first.. you may regret NOT going!!!

 

Not Advocating

So I am not at all advocating you to get pregnant, I think you should wait and that your too immature for a kid right now. However I feel like I need to say some things since there is so much "info" flying around this thread and Im pretty sure your gonna go ahead with this no matter what we say here.

My daughter just turned 3 last month so yes my child is older then a baby, but I can still remember the car ride when I brought her home the first time and every single day since then. So I still remember VIVIDLY what its like to have a newborn and having a toddler is NO cake walk either. Sure they learn to do more but with each new milestone comes new and bigger problems that can arise and if you don't believe that your welcome to listen to my child throwing a huge fit right now simply because she has to have clothes on since company is coming over.

Now understand each and every situation is different, but Ima share mine so you understand why I dont think its hard to be a parent IF YOUR READY FOR IT.

My daughter was planned, hoped for, and wanted. However we weren't getting our hopes up because I have PCOS and have been told my whole life that I couldn't have children. So when I went to the ER for the flu and they told me I was pregnant I freaked out. My pregnancy was pretty easy compared to most but I still ended up on bed rest the last few months.

To make a looooong story short Ima use bullets.

*My husband wasnt there for her birth. (military)
*He didn't even get to meet his daughter until she was 5 months
*I had SEVERE postpartum depression
*She had colic
*She was allergic to specific formulas, so she projectile vomited A LOT until we found out the right kind to use.
*I had to sleep in my living room for a month until I could climb the stairs again after giving birth.
*I cant drive, so dr appts were a hassle.
*She seriously wouldn't sleep more then 30 mins at a time until she was 2
*When she did sleep it HAD to be on my chest until she was 8 months old then it was a swing. THATS IT, no crib, no bed, no bassinet, just my chest and the swing till she was 2.

*MrsTenn is right about not being able to do a single thing on your own, but you at least will have your BF to help. I was alone. However, you get NO time to your self at all so any hobbies you have, kiss em good bye for awhile, all your money will go towards the child, your every thought,worry, etc will be of this child. You will second guess yourself, you will worry every time he/she feels even a little warm or has the sniffles. You will get so mad you will see red.


Kay, now aside from all that its NOT hard to be a parent. IF YOUR READY. Its a challenge thats for sure but you have 9 months to prepare. Nine months to make your self, your house, and your life ready for a child. During that nine months, save every extra penny that you can spare. DO NOT go out to eat, buy new clothes, or anything that isn't directly a NEED.

Im not gonna sit here and feed you a bunch of bull about how much medical costs because having just miscarried you probably already know that. However Im not sure where you live so the medical might be different for you. Even if it isn't the hospital will probably take care of a lot of the fee's if they have a low income program or something like that. (huge tax write off for them Im sure) The military paid for everything of mine so I didn't have that specific worry, thank goodness. Aside from the medical though there is SOOOOOO much your baby will need. So SAVE SAVE SAVE every dime.

As for everything else, its really easy IF YOUR READY FOR IT. You have to be mature enough, patient enough, and just all around ready. No one can ever be TOO ready for a child. You have to constantly be ready to put the babies wants/needs before your own and to give up EVERYTHING just for this baby. So again its not hard to be a parent if you are ready for it which judging by your posts here I don't think you are. Thats just an opinion though, in a sea of thousands of other opinions.


I think you should both grow up A LOT more before trying to have a baby. My advice is to go buy a VERY VERY VERY hard to keep alive pet. Something delicate and VERY difficult. If it stays alive past a year you might be ready for a kid.

 

I can understand your good will!

Anyway, from the way he's writing, I am sure that he is fit for the "other side of the road"...

We still need people to take care of our garbage disposal, street cleaning, etc...

 

and people to flip burgers at burger king.

 

Maybe you'll say that I am too picky - I'd rather preffer to have, as a cook, someone who has really studied the art of cooking!...

I, as a great fan of barbequing, consider that even flipping the burgers needs some education!... (and talent).

 

People our age have kids and are doing fine, most of my friends finished high school and are now in college, but most children are not always planned but we want ours to be. So is that a problem? I'm pretty sure y'all weren't ready to have children, or some weren't planned. Or had kids in high school. Some might drop out or complete it. Some may go to college, or not. But yeah that's what I'm just saying, why is it a problem that we want to have a child? Is it because you think we're being selfish? Or stupid? Or immature? Oh well. We're not being selfish nor immature. I know it sounds like we're trying to replace the baby we just lost but we're not. So sorry if we offend you.

 

Look, I shall be very blunt!!!

Here, until 1990, if you got pregnant by mistake, you REALLY have had a HUGE problem (facing prison / death)...

Anyway, even under these circumstances, the children were planned.

If it just "happened", than, everybody would just consider you as being STUPID!!!

NOTE: I really don't mean to offend anybody - I just show a fact of life!

 

A couple of things have grabbed my attention about this whole thing.....First off, its a fourm board and spelling and grammer is not a huge issue all the time, and maybe its a sign of the times, but you either A) type like you text or B) cant spell for shit. I am going to lean towards option B. You are 19 and say that you have had your freedom? What freedom and life lessons can you really have at this point? You more than likely just graduated high school (for this hopefull child lets hope thats the case) Before I get chastised for that last statement, education does not make or break a parent, but being educated can help provide for a child better. That brings me to my next point, how do you plan to care for the child? Babies are VERY expensive, figure 30 bucks or more for dipers, 30 bucks for a can of formula, thats for the run of the mill shit, that doesnt count if they cant have certain kinds, my daughter needed special stuff which cost even more, then you have well visits, clothing, means to keep a roof over their head, transportation to the well visits...have you thought this out? I am going to think you watched one of those "Teen Mom" shows and thought "that sounds cool" I became a father at what I thought was pretty young (23) On one side of things it was the best thing to happen to me, made me a better person, However I wish I had waited until I was with the right woman, as her mother turned out to be batshit crazy and still to this day dealing with her shit. Have you factored that in? What if things go bad...Think things out, your still kids, live your lives...its not like babysitting where at the end of the night the kids parents come home, hand you money and give you a ride home. The way you are talking on the forum you clearly show that you are way to young to be trying for a baby, you may think your ready, I would be willing to bet my left nut you are not. The simple fact that if your not knocked up by January you are going on birth control shows that you have your doubts....get on something now, or put it in her ass. You claim you have made up your mind, so to everyone else on here that is telling them not to do it, guess we better keep working to support our kids and soon to support theirs cause this KIDS dont have a fucking clue........

Shit like this pisses me off.......FUCK GROW UP THEN THINK ABOUT KIDS!!!!

 

my daughter had cholic for 6months. She wouldn't sleep for more than an hour before waking up. My ex and i devised a plan for getting enough sleep, it worked great. For me , when i heard her wake up in the morning , i'd get out of bed and take her of her and go right back to sleep. Without even thinking if it was "my turn" or not.

We both worked full time, different hours. We had a baby sitter in the family and even when she turned 2 and went to daycare, it was NO WHERE NEAR $2200 a month. more like $175 a week. Where the hell are you taking your kid mdesk66 ?? That $175 for Kindercare and they're expensive.

at any rate, we dealt with the same issues that most child have when they're young. I just saw it is as a part of parenthood. I did what needed to be done without complaining. That's what made it easy for me. Everybody else wants to whine about getting no sleep, crying baby, the cost of formula (my daughter didn't breast feed), trips to doctor for shot, hobbies gone, time to yourself is gone. B.S ! u can't have time unless you make it.

I get plenty of time to myself. I can still do my hobbies. I spend most of my extra money on her for toys and keeping her happy. I've even been engaged in intimate stuff and had her walk in at night because she had a nightmare, no more fun that night. did i care? NO. This is my baby, i'll sacrifice anything and pay any price to make her happy.

Taking a dump when you want, a shower when you want, clean the house and such...take a shower when they sleep. learn to take 5-10min showers. Clean the house, why would it take you more than 20min to clean your house? Can't you set your child down and let them play with toys or something? It's called multi-tasking.

You've had plenty of time in your life to have TIME to yourself. You're a parent now, stop being selfish. you can think about yourself again in 18years.

and to the OP, you say you've already had your fun....uh YOU'RE 19 !!! you haven't had ANY fun yet and you haven't learned about life or learned any lessons from mistakes, but in the end...you're going to do what you want regardless of what some porno forum people tell you.

 

I'm only 23 so i can easily relate to where you are in life. Your not stupid or dumb. But I would like to give a word of advise. Knowlegde is a funny thing. As you get older you learn more and more, but as you grow you realize how much you don't know. Your young, you only thing you know everything. I'm not judging, we've all been there.

Oh and have you read your boyfriends first post, he doesn't want a baby.
"Soooo...my gf want a baby what she wants I give her" See... he didn't say I or we.

He just wants to fuck you. " it's constant fucking it is awsum" "sex is basically rape I grab her when I want and fuck her she is my little sex slave" "it's funny cuz she's always horny for me"

 

Changed my mind.....your dumb too. Sorry, but I atleast tried to be polite. Its not your fault though....your just young. So don't be offended by it

 

Oh, My, GOD!!!

You've all (including me!!!) banged the guy's ass!!!

Let's just try to think about it!

He's young, she's also young, so, they do still have parents...

They'll probably provide the support these youngsters need...

I'm also a parent, and I know that, if my kid would do such a stupid thing, he would still be my kid, and I just wouldn't let him be and take care of himself and his kid & wife...

Of course I wouldn't be glad, or something, but I would try to help the young family to have a life...

Maybe, sometimes, we are just overwhelmed by the experiences we've had in life, responsibilities, etc...

Anyway, although those times I was still a kid, I always use the say: MAKE LOVE, NOT CHILDREN!!! :excited:

 

If you have children and they are not planned then you are just stupid. You don't have to get pregnant nowadays if you don't want. You know they sell condoms in every place and the docter can give you a prescription. If you have a lot of friends your age who are parents I wonder in what ghetto you live...

 

I heart you for this post. You found the words to describe what I was trying to say. Your dedication to your child is amazing. I feel exactly as you do about all of that and I had my daughter young.