Hello all, I am in a big dilema here, I hope you can help me clear my mind out a little, since I am going nuts here! I am evaluating the possibility to forgive my cheating gf, but I need to know that if I do so, I do it for the right reasons.

This is about my 28 gf. She had cheated on me this past October, at first she said it was only a kiss that she didn't even asked for, then she changed that to several kisses, they were both at a restaurant and they had a couple of beers, things got a little out of hand. But I don't see too much of a harsh here so far.

Problem is, that just two days ago, the guy with whom my gf went out and had the drinks on Oct 22nd, called me to tell me that he has been screwing my gf for a few weeks now. he just wanted to give me a fair heads up. I didn't believe him right away, I asked my gf if this was true, she denied everything, she only accepted the making out at the restaurant.

After me continuing to press for the true facts, yesterday my gf confessed that she accpted going to this guy's apartment and allowed him to penetrate her. She says she did not want that to happen but couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. She said she was feeling numb and couldn't move her arms very well... she pretty much told me that the guy almost forcefully had sex with her, but dont categorize it as a rape, she just rather blame this whole incident to the fact that she was feeling drunk and numb.

Now, this is the technical question that could help me to uncover the truth. She said that at all times she was just laying in the bed facing up and the guy undid her top and started kissing her boobs, lips and neck.. the he went down and pulled her pants down BUT ONLY HALF WAY TO HER KNEES. (she was wearing jeans) she then said that the guy tried to penetrate her but since she was still very dry he was not able to, so he continue to stimulate a little more by kissing her boobs and neck, then he tried again and this time he was able to fuck her, still with her pants only half way down. she finally say that this guy was fucking her like that from top for about 2-4 minutes and then he cummed, inside her and wore no condom. he was done, she cleaned up a little, bottoned up and left feelinig like shit in a hurry.

Well, if this is how things happened, I could considered that she lost control and got trapped in the wrong place with the wrong guy. but I would really like to know if all or any of this sounds real, cause I can't help to have these dirty thoughts about her really enjoying full throtle sex with this guy, including oral and who knows what else. Then this would be very hard for me to forgive.

Any thoughts please? I need help to regain my sanity..

 

dude...seriously. There are no "degrees" of cheating. She is lying if she said she didnt ride him like a rented mule. Forgiving her would be a good thing to do however...end your relationship with her anyway. Forgiveness doesnt mean there arent consequences and frankly she enjoyed it just as much as he did...otherwise she wouldnt feel compelled to spin stories and tales of how "it just wasnt like that, you see..." She is cheating on you and you need to get out now while your self respect is still in tact. Sure, it hurts. Yeah, it sucks but hey...thats life. Take it from someone who has been there. She has used you as an emotional crutch and its time to cut her loose and be done with that lying sack of shit and move on with your life.

Im sorry to be so blunt but the simple fact is that you will never be able to trust her again and the basis for any realtionship starts with trust. Women are far less faithfull than main stream media and women would have you believe. So dont put up with it. Give her the boot and go on about your life. There are a bazillion other women out there and there are even some that will be worth the time and effort to form a relationship and actualy hang onto. I wouldnt have anything to do with that lying, cheating, blood belching cunt. She has become a cum recepticle for another man and the lies and spins dont hold any water. Every woman that has ever been confronted about cheating has had the same stories..."we didnt do anything." "It was only a kiss." "I was drunk and he tried to fool around with me." " We only did it the one time." Its all bullshit. Kick her to the curb, hire a realy good call girl to help you through the rough patch and carry on.

I hope this makes sense and I hope you know good advice. And I also hope everything works out for you.

 

Some people say they had a "couple" of beers when they really had 5 or 6. It sounds to me like she needs to drink less when she's socializing with men.

 

Nope a cheat is a cheat

 

At The End of The Day!

It's all up to you and how you feel about all this believe her or don't, relationships go through cheating all the time and it helps when someone comes clean with you which it sounds like she only gave you half the truth? Any way you'll need to decide on where the trust stands now don't wait till it festers that just makes it worse!

 

Sweetie...let's face facts here. She's a ho.

That being the case, you have two choices. You can accept her the way she is and stay with her, or you can move on with your life.

 

A Lying Ho, actually.

 

She's lying. She lied the first time. If she were really sorry and really only once and how she's saying it then she would've confessed it all. But she lied because she was hiding more. And she's lying now. It's simple. And it's also worse. I feel that when men cheat that it CAN be JUST sex.. I feel that in general, for women it means more...

 

Cheating - if you're happy with it - fine - if you're not - split with her as she sounds like this is gonna happen again and again - oh - if shes really hot - fuck her first - then ditch her !

 

This is actually GOLDEN advice! my heart is so fucking hurt, I haven't been able to concentrate on my work, I break down and cry several times a day I am a complete zombie. The worst thing is that I trusted my instincs since the beginning and I thought she was then one. I am 42 and I have spent the past two years on her, thinking I was finally heading for happiness. A few years back something very similar happened to me, but big difference then it was that the WOMAN I was with, was very honest to tell me that very moment, YES! I screwed up, I met with this guy and we fucked for hours it was great! ... she never pretended it didn't happen like this other girl, she thought she was going to get away with it. It should end.

Thank you for taking the time and giving this very heartful and thoughtful advice.

 

My heart goes out to all of you for not only giving me your mature advice, but most importantly for your support, this is a very touchy subject for me, because even though she is doing what she is doing and we all agree is wrong, I still respect her privacy and reputation thus I could not air out this subject with people who know her or anybody near her surrounding or mine, this is why I appreciate so much your kindness and time to come in here and comment on my thread.

God bless you all.

 

Women in our society are taught if we are raped it is our fault, which is complete bullshit considering I have never seen a woman rape herself. IF she did not want to have sex with him and he took advantage of her drunken state then he raped her and you do need to treat her as a rape victim. just as if she was drugged and carried off.

There is no way anyone but her and that guy know if this is what happened. Can a guy rape a woman that way with her pants at her knees yes. It is all very possible. If you want to figure out the complete truth of it. maybe one day in a very tactful way you can mention something about a threesome tell her how hot it would have be. Then tell her if she ever did think about sex outside of your relationship you would be cool if it was a planned threesome. Plus if she ever goes to bars with guys again you should be there to make sure it is completely consensual because you sure wouldn't mind watching.

You are going to have to warm up into this level of conversation for days if not weeks but kind of start hinting at it if she doesn't seem traumatized. You might find out it was somewhat consensual but she is afraid of your response of leaving her. If you confirm that you won't leave her and that she might be able to enjoy her fantasies while fulfilling yours she just might be willing to let the little voyeur in you run free.

However, if she is really upset by what happened call the guy up tell him he is a dick weed that needs some castration. Inform him if he really wanted your girlfriend for the loving sexy hot babe she is, he would have been a gentleman not a freaking rapist, and that if he comes anywhere near her again you will inform the police of such and you bend him over and rape him with whatever object is handy. make sure she hears you make that call, maybe you standing in the other room with the door open. Then she will feel safety in your protection of her, and will not fear you leaving her. Then in a few months or year or so you can bring up what your voyeur side desires and she might just go for because she knows you won't let anything bad happen to her.

Both scenarios relate to one fact she needs to feel reassured that you will not leave her. That is most girls worst fear that the guy they love and adore will leave them. Make sure she knows that won't happen and see what happens next.

 

oh geez! I have just broke up with her a few minutes ago, we both are in such a big pain right now and the worst thing is that we are not even close, we are thousands of miles apart, this is why this whole thing happened, I was trapped in a long term project on a different country and for reasons outside my power, I kept moving my return back, to the point that she was somehow upset with this situation, I must clarify that this is been a long distance relationship for the past year or so, last time we were together was in July this year, I was supposed to be back with her by her birthday on September but I failed to do so. So I reckon I have my big share of responsability in all of this and that is why I would try to do my best to understant her and possibly forgive her, but the fact that she kept her communication with this guy totaly secret from me and the fact that she lied so much about what was really going on, completely tears apart and destroys my trust on her. So now when she tells me how did everything happened I don't feel that is fair me forgiving her for something when in reality she actually had actively enjoyed a full blown session of sex and who knows, maybe even what the guy said, not only once but several times.
I know for a fact, she and the guy are not longer seeing eachother, the guy himself told me that, she wants nothing to do with him anymore and my gf (now ex-gf) says that he was making all of that out to break us apart so he could keep her. He even mentioned that since most the times they weren't using protection, she got pregnant and had to go through and abortion, which to me sounds really hard to believe, cause I talk to her a lot, we've been in touch too often, through phone and video chat a lot, so much that this is how I knew about her date that Oct 22, cause she was not able to sneak out not even four hours without me noticing. I know this doesn't sound too nice but we both kept each other with a very short leash all this time, so that is why I find so hard to believe what the guy says. I know what happened is truth cause my gf finally accepted it, not because I trusted the guy, now how much more is there?? ... that is still a big unknown to be and I guess it will always be.

 

Get over it! Go jack off and find a nice new innocent middle age virgin. !

 

hmmmm tech thats a tough situation you are in. . .sounds familiar I must say!
I was dating a girl after college and with her 4 years when we discussed me moving to Seattle for a business opportunity that I really didnt want to pass up. We had discussed the option of breaking up or staying together and doing the long distance thing. After many hours of discussion, sex, discussion, and more sex we figured that we would try the long distance option-neither of us had ever been in this situation. We did the same as you and your ex, calling each other often and having phone sex (this was 1999, no video chatting!). All of a sudden one night she called me crying and it took about an hour, but she finally told me she had sex with a guy at her college. . . GREAT! After many phone calls and discussions we came to the conclusion that she would give me a "freebie" fuck -she was willing to let me sleep with another woman. . . my choice. . . .anytime. . . anywhere!
At first I found this kind of insulting but the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea-I would get some sexual attention being 2000 miles away from my gf and not having had sex for 6 months and she would see how it would feel to have it happen to her. Needless to say, I went for it! A woman from my work had heard the whole story and was turned on at the idea that we could have sex without implacations.
After I moved back to the east coast and my gf and I were back together our relationship was healthier than ever. So healthy that she agreed to have a 3some with me and my best friend (male). . . .then with her and her best friend(female)! So thats my opinion, if you both still have strong feelings for each other run the idea by her of letting you have sex with another woman. . . . . .might not be the best advice but thats how my cards were dealt

 

OH NOOO!!! I spent a long time replying to your post and when I went to send it I did something wrong and lost it all. grrrrr!!!!

I will try later to re write it

Thank you for taking the time to give me some good advice, God bless you!

 

Alcohol doesn't make you cheat, I used to get buzzed and hammered and never once attempted to cheat on my ex. I'm not sure how people continue to blame alcohol for their wrong doings but if you accept it then so be it, she sounds like a total whore so if you're fine with her continuing to bang other men stay with her.

 

That's what I love about you, BB...you're such an incurable romantic.

 

EDIT: I didn't read your post about already breaking up with her. Sorry to hear that.

Give it a few months, let her realize that she can't get away with it again, and if you still feel as though you want to be with her, go for it again.

 

It sounds to me like the guy who raped her wanted you to think your ex girlfriend liked the way she was treated so you would be jealous enough to think she cheated on you. Then when she told you the truth, that she was raped you mulled it over and considered it cheating when it might not have been.

It is your relationship so I'm not about to tell you that you're wrong. I don't know any of the players personally, my judgment is based on everything you've told us.