So I have a question for all of you. Why Cheat? Is there something exciting about it? Do you think of it as a revenge tactic? Or do you think its heartless and a waste of time? Id like to hear your replies on the subject.
(I may be new but i have to start somewere huh?)

 

Just to start this Thread off I'll just say that I personaly hate cheating. It shows disrespect and I don't see a reason why someone would cheat. But despite this i will be as mature as I can and not argu with those who disagree

-Bmo

 

Well when I was seriously considering going elsewhere it was because I wasnt getting any at home. After almost 3 years of no sex, virtually no touching or kissing I was ready to fuck as many people as I could and to hell with it.

I guess there may be loads of reasons for others: Perhaps their relationship has cooled, boredom, a need for more excitrment.

 

This^^ i can understand. What i dont is why people cheat when they are getting laid 3-4 times a week.

 

"Is there something exciting about it?" Yes. It's taboo. It's wrong. Just like pre-marital sex was, and like masturbation still is. That's exactly why it's so exciting. It's like taking a dare -- there can be dire consequences, which makes the reward seem bigger.

"Do you think of it as a revenge tactic?" It can be. My first marriage was all about that, for her. We got together because she decided to cheat on her husband. She divorced him and married me. Cheated on me with him, and God knows who else. Revenge for what? She finally told me in an e-mail a few years ago (at least 30 years after our divorce): her father molested her as a young child, her mom knew it, and she claims she learned to like it. Cheating was her revenge on men in general.

"Or do you think its heartless and a waste of time?" Yes, it is. Cheating is usually lying, right? Not exactly the way to firm up a relationship.

 

Maybe:

- Because it's different from what you usually get at home - different person, different sensations.

- Also, it may be because you do with the other, things that you don't with your spouse - blowjobs, anal...

- Because you may have more stamina than your partner...

- Because you want to prove to yourself that you are still attracting the opposite sex...

And the list can go on!

 

Its good to see my first thread got off to a good start! After looking through the forums i have yet to see one talk about cheating. It is something that i've always wanted to hear other peoples opinions about.

-Bmo

 

Cheating is the wrong word. I guess some people are married or in a relationship that is not sexually fulfilling so go elsewhere. They might have got marreid for the convienence of it. like drink driving...or speeding...it,s only bad if you get caught

 

Because from personal experience I can tell you that 10 years into marriage its entirely possibly to fall in love with someone else when you aren't even looking for it. And its possible to feel love for more than one person, and maybe that even there is more than one special person in this world for each of us. And its possible you don't want to destroy your marriage and wreak havoc and grief on your family because you feel a certain way. Maybe you don't want to destroy your collective history because you find value in both relationships. And maybe because a marriage contract is a piece of paper, and who is anyone to tell me my heart is wrong when I don't have a choice but to BE in love with someone else?

Or maybe you meant by this question why do men step out of their marriage just to fuck? I haven't stepped out of my marriage, but there is such a thing as emotional infidelity, which is as or more devastating to the other partner than just stepping out for sex.

What I see cheating as, is the big fucking surprise you learn late in life because the first half you lived thinking the human heart is fixed and your relationships are final, and that they don't go bad, or you'll never feel different, or trapped, and can't possibly be dissatisfied with your relationship, or sex, and fucking-A if you aren't going to be cautious and test the waters before you go to your spouse and say "I want a divorce".

There are a lot of purists ( I used to BE one ) that would say, well, your obligation to your spouse is to stand down your marriage, divorce, before you get involved with someone else. But that is really a naive position in some respects because it lays waste up front to a relationship that might not have to go bad. As far as anyone can know, Joe might test the waters and decide against it, and live happily for the rest of his life with his spouse.

Human beings are dynamic. Relationships must be allowed to fail.

 

I Think you have a very valid point there Diaxis. Its good to hear from someone who has some experience in the subject.

 

"Is there something exciting about it?" Yes. It's taboo. It's wrong. Just like pre-marital sex was, and like masturbation still is. That's exactly why it's so exciting. It's like taking a dare -- there can be dire consequences, which makes the reward seem bigger.

I tend to think, if someone is going to cheat on someone for the hell of it, then why be with them. A cheating person should not be in a relationship if cheating so much fun. But then again, I thought about it, what's the point of cheating if you are not in a relationship? It's very exciting to cheaters that they are putting their partners through hell, and I bet ya, if they get caught cheating, and their partner breaks it off with them so they can have free reign to fuck anyone they want to, they won't do it. Which is really stupid if you ask me.

 

You're describing people who are pathological cheaters. I put myself in a reluctant category. I don't want risk and I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to destroy my marriage and I don't want to deny I'm in love either. The path of least resistance is to postpone making a decision and ignore the obvious contradictions. I love two women and they're in love with me, but only one knows about the other, and she has a husband of her own. It's fucked up haha. I don't really want this problem, but I'm convinced both these women belong in my life, and so the question is how to balance this. If destruction comes, it comes, but "solving" the problem only means destruction comes today and for certain. Postponing a resolution at least gives me hope something will work itself out and no one will get hurt.

 

Personally, I don't understand why people cheat...if the relationship is that shot that you have to seek affection somewhere else, why are you staying with him/her?
On that note, me and my husband are swingers, but we don't regard that as cheating, because both of us are involved. Yet, I draw the line at an online relationship, because all too often emotions are involved. I should know, I met my husband online.

 

No matter how you want to rationalize it to yourself its still cheating. You say you don't want to destroy your marriage, but IMO if you need to go outside the marriage for love and sex, and you need to lie and hide your actions from your wife then your marriage is already destroyed.

 

woooooowwww, I never thought about it like that.

 

I really dont want to offend anyone, I really dont but I am ammused and or confused when I read that someone is enjoying sex with others within their relationship while condemming anyone who might want to do the same.

Not everyone lives with a partner who is cool with the idea of swinging or an open relationship. However what is evident is that we are sexual creatures, and that at least on some ocassions we crave the closeness of others.

Having sex with someone else doesnt necessarily mean we dont love our partners, nor does it mean that the relationship is in crisis. what it does suggest however is that far to much weight is put on the notion of monogamy as being the B all and end all within a relationship. I believe we are sexual creatures and yes we dont have to act on our impulses, but it might happen, so what to do if it does, what to say or how to react if you find that has happened with your partner.

I can honestly say that if I found out my wife had had sex with someone else I would be really happy for her. I would. If I found out that she had been having a long term intimate relationship with someone, we might need to talk.

 

People cheat because they have sex drives. They like to have sex. It's really as simple as that. Given a clear opportunity, with no likely consequences, most married men would cheat, and at least a reasonable percentage of married women. But I think men are simply not naturally monogamous. They're the product of millions of years of evolution. They might not risk it if there was a chance of being caught, but if that's all that holds them back, sooner or later they will cheat, because sooner or later they'll be on a business trip to Las Vegas.

 

i have been married three times twice to the same girl, i didn't cheat on either of them, and did my best to fulfill their sexual desires, that they ever told me, even the things i never really wanted to do. but eventually they both cheated on me, and when you are in love it can destroy everything around you, both girls had told me later that they didn't understand why they did that to me, and that the sex was awful, (maybe to make me feel better, i'm still not sure about that) i forgave them but it still crushed my heart, that they could do that to someone they loved, and i could never forget about it, every time we had sex after that it was still on my mind. and they was never the same to me after the fact. right or wrong i;m still not sure, it has been a several years now, but it still has a major factor on any hopeful relationship if you have trust. you should cherish that forever.

 

It's like any other thing in this world that you are not suppose to do. WE ALL want to cheat, steal, kill, lie, etc. Basically do what ever makes the most important person in their life happy. (Mainly themselves) Also because there are rules and so tempting to bend/break them.

Now the things I have listed maybe more tempting than others but we have all had some situation where someone pissed you off to the point of Thinking of murder or seeing something you really want and don't/won't have the money to get it or have been flirting with that co-worker with the nice eyes and smile that seems to be very open and attracted to you. etc.

Moral of the story is, what every you, do good or bad, it all has consequences.

 

I don't condemn anyone who wants to enjoy sex within their relationship. I haven't seen anyone here who is currently in an open relationship condemning anyone who wants to do the same. If everyone in the relationship is aware of and approves of sex with others then cheating hasn't occurred. My issue is with cheating and cheaters who try to rationalize cheating by equating it to an open relationship.

IMO if having an open relationship is important to you then share that desire with your spouse. If your spouse refuses you can either live with that or leave your spouse and find someone new.