:sad:

How do I stop it?

 

Unrequited love can be quite painful. Yes, I have loved from afar, never able to pursue her.

 

You really don't. You just learn to live with it. At least thats how I deal with it.

Some times it just gets better with time. You just find your self thinking of her less and less until you don't think of her at all.

 

I'm waiting for this to happen.... It's been a year already.

Glad it's not just me

 

They're right. You move on. You stop living in the past, stop living a fantasy, and start looking ahead.

It's not easy, but it works. Trust me -- I've done it often enough.

 

I've had the same problem. I fell in love about two years ago. Unfortunately it wasn't with my wife. :/ She fell in love with me too ( neither of us chose this - she's married too ). She chose to step back and conform to her marriage, but its left us both a little fucked up. There is NO satisfaction in it, you just gotta hope you fall in love with someone else and that they'll have the same passion for you.

 

My situation is very similar. We both loved each other. But I'm married and shes dating my friend. It's amazing how complicated things get. We decided to go cold turkey and stop talking. It's been a year, and I'm still in my rut. I wonder if she is? Lol

 

Yep, i've been in this situation before. Count it as a loss and move on. Doesn't matter how many times you think: "i should of done this" or "i should of done that". The more you think about them, the worse off you are. As i said, count it as a loss and move on.

 

Hell, no! It's not just you!

If it's been a year, your woman is not coming back. That's hard, but it's true. Sitting and brooding about her isn't helping. Get out there and mix it up with some new people.

 

Yeah I know, you'll go through this period where you're angsting because you don't believe she loved you as much as you loved her, otherwise she'd show it or capitulate. You'll want to find a substitute, but that don't always work. I think sometimes the brain bonds you to someone chemically.

 

Only at least a dozen times.

 

My step mom!

 

I think if I had things to do over I'd never have gotten married. People can be pretty naive, you know, the sex and everything else will be good, they'll get married, and then 10 years later they *actually* fall in love for the first time in their life ( and not necessarily with their spouse ). Its a real eye opener. Makes you realize that people have no fucking clue what they're talking about, and then you realize why 1/3rd of all men and women cheat. The whole idea that you're destined to be with one partner throughout your life is laughably absurd. I personally believe women invented this idea of romance just to lock men down ( while they keep their eyes open for whatever presents itself ). Anyway. Not going to hate on women at all, I just think young people need to be counseled on how unwise marriage is. You can have a family without lawyers and judges involved.

 

Your lucky if you can fall in love once and sometimes the second one is when you least expect it and unavailable? You take it on the chin and move on, in my case realizing I made the first choice right!

 

I now I fucking have many times.

Oh fuck I put myself into this situation all the fucking time.
And I know that it will never turn out how I really want it too.


But the old saying,

Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all/

really comes into play.

I meet boys all the time that I know just want that 1 fucking, and I will never see them again and it just kills me till I meet the next, and next. ETC.

 

It takes time, of course.

Usually I resolve to ignore the persons existence, and start making decisions trying to ignore the other person. I didn't go or not go to parties if they were going to be there, I just went if I wanted, not if I didn't. I had to drive past their house on the way to work, or take a big detour. I just promised myself that I'd drive past and not look at their house...

The more that you invalidate them, and practice ignoring the emotional influence that they have in your life the easier it'll get.

Hope things get better. xx

 

No. Haven't even felt love before.

 

It is one of life's hardest things, loving somone who will never love us back.

 

I thought I did at one point. An ex came back into my life as a freind because I was freinds with her whole family prior to her. After quite some time of getting along as freinds, I went to help her work on her house. It was far enough away when gas was over $4 per gallon to justify staying a couple nights with her, her kids, and her husband. We had a few beers while working and her husband ended up passing out. We continued working a while as we talked...thought I knew minor details about how her husband was a peice of shit and was on his absolute very last last chance...she proceeded to tell me more and more details about it. The next day she had to go to work and her husband was piss drunk passed out ALLLL day long, so I watched the kids cuz he was totally incapable. I helped her 11 yr old daughter with her math homework that she had been struggling with for a LONG time, I was able to show her that there are a few different ways to solve the problem and that she just needed to find the way that works for her. She picked it up really fast once I helped her find her way...found out later she started getting REALLY good math grades since I showed her a few tricks...it felt sooo great. Thier 7 yr old daughter was having trouble with boys picking on her at school. I explained to her that when young boys like a girl they are mean to her because they don't know how else to express themselves and are too shy to initiate conversation...obviously I explained it in terms that a 7 yr old could undertand, but don't need to do that here. Then their 5 yr old son came to me, obviously aware of his dad's drinking problem and that he had been away to rehab numerous times and keeps going back to drinking...and also comprehends that his dad'd body can't handle the drinking...anyway, he comes up to me sits on my lap and says, "I don't want dad to get dead" my heart fucking dropped to the basement. I don't remember what I said to him, but I talked with him for a good hour straight about it. My freind finally got home from work and after a little while we started working on the house cuz her husband was finally waking up to be coherent enough to keep his eye on the kids. We went out for a few drinks to relax and hang out after we finished the stage of the project. We closed the bar down and went back to the house and hung out in the basement playing pool and talking. I told her a little of what went on all day, and she was venting about her husband a lot. We got to the point that I wrapped my arms around her and said "do you have ANY idea how much easier your life would be if you let me back in?" Because my relationship (which I am just now getting out of) was falling apart bit by bit, so I thought I had interest in her again. So at first I thought I was back in love with her but couldn't have her because I was in a relationship that I was too chicken shit or whatever to get out of, and she was married and basically too chickenshit to break it off as well.

Anyway, a couple months down the road, I was talking to my dad about it and it just hit me and I realized it wasn't her that I fell back in love with, it was her kids that I fell in love with because I was able to help them so much and almost turn their lives around in a few days, but obviously still needed guidence and direction to continue to retain what I helped them with.

 

Haven't we all...? :sad: