A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice
cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not
disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a
beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely
get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you
need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a
football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a
football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a
high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: Beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: Beer.

Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Pussy can make you see God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about your next beer, you are
an alcoholic.
If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you
are normal.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the
dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly
have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have
enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill. Bad pussy:
Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Dana Doran
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, New Castle.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

 

another

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails","highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO."

 

Lmao,,,

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

 

Hilarious Jim. Simply hilarious. I'd hug you for this!

 

HAHAHAHA! Very nice Jim!

 

Jim you continue to amaze and amuse me, great posts there. Now why are you mad at me, can't I get out of that room?

 

Jim, those were pretty good. I appreciate the humor. It made my smile. Thanks.

 

Jim,I had no idea you knew so many words.

 

Consider this a warning---

Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 16:53:39 -0700

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into
women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1
hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:​

1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.​

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it,the more excited she gets,and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar --​

A saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.​

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.​

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."​

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.​

He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK.​

He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.​

.... In one second the sharp lime taste hits...
.... At two seconds the Baileys curdles
.... At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.​

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"​

She smiles widely at him and says............​

"Blow Job Revenge"​

 

Imagination,
Isn't there a man law about giving out information like this to women? I fear the Man Law Council may rescind your membership.

 

So sue me - this was an equal opportunities posting!

I was looking for the Pepsi Viagra joke on the net, and found this stuff on the JibJab website.

I have to keep in with everyone!

I don't mind brown-nosing to women, as long as they do the same to me!

:rose: :rose: :rose:

 

HaHa good one jim

 

Might have been said before,

A beer always has good head.
A beer doesn't complain when you bring a beer home,
A beer goes down well,
A beer cost less,

 

LOL!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!! LOLROFL

these were fucking hilarious, especially thje viagra one

 

Cool

This is a great differentiation between pussy and beer. Great Job! I loved it.