I wasn't too sure where to post this, but it's all good, i dont think anyone will mind.

Ok, so i've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. That's a long time for me.... a loooong time! i'm really not the relationship type. Anyway, I'm going crazy. I'm super super bored. She has no idea that i'm unhappy, even though i've told her many times. (not recently, but it didnt work the first hundred times, so why should it now)

She is very happy with the relationship, so just saying "Hey, it's over" would hit her like a ton of bricks.

What should i do? I can't really escape her too much either. I go to a pretty small college and we're living in the same apartment complex. (not together, thank god)

ok, im open to any suggestions!!

 

what went wrong in your relationship? what's it lacking? give some more details and im sure a lot of people will be able to help ya out.

 

'Hey it's over' sounds really harsh, but in the long run, you'll only be delaying the inevitable if you wait. Honesty is the best policy.

Good luck.

 

why are you giving up ?

Have you just fell out of love - or were you ever in love?
Have you led this person on ?

It seems on some level you care - as you dont want to dump like a ton of bricks... so perhaps you do care...

Keep in mind - ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality - listening to our emotions ushers us into reality - Emotions after all - are said to the the language of the soul.

Take a hard look first @ the matter @ hand...

Is this your issue - or hers ?

Is there something that is making it so you cannot commit ?
There are many levels to a relationship - such as

The physical
The Social
the Intellectual
the Emotional
and of course the Spiritual

Are you able to connect on any of these levels - and not on others?

If so - use these as reasons for the breakup - letting her know - its me - its my fault - its not yours...

Its best to blame yourself vs. them - they cannot change you - even if they try.

 

i agree with piggit. talk to her, there's really no avoiding it. what is the point of staying in a relationship you're not happy to suit the other person? talk to her because perhaps she feels the same way about you're issues.

 

I dont know that anything went wrong, but she seemed really cool when we started dating, but now that i see her for who she really is, im not so sure shes right for me.

The relationship is lacking fun. I'm the kind of person that loves to be spontaneous, and do lots of things. the main problem is, i dont want to do anything with her. it sounds really bad. but i'll give you an example. i love sports. i can play sports with her because she is completely uncordinated in every way. i love movies. she talks through them. (i LOVE movies)

hopefully that answered your questions

 

well i think if you're not happy that you just need to sit down and talk to her. don't stay in the relationship any longer if you're not happy...because the longer you wait, the harder it is to break away

 

ok, theres a lot to this one... ill do my best.

i really thought i loved her... then again, ive thought that many times before. the "honeymoon" stage lasted a really long time with this one... so it made me believe that this was it! but its like the crash after drinking a redbull or oh, even better... the hangover after a fun night of drinking! that ones a little harsh, but the point is made.

things are just completely different.

i dont think that ive ever lead her on until now. when things were good i was happy. when things were bad, i was hopeful. now things are good because i hide that fact that im really not happy. i really want to be able to gather my thoughts and feelings and be able to tell her exactly how i feel and have it be resolved. ive never been able to do that. ive tried breaking up with her before. it just doesnt work. one sign of tears and i fold. she knows that too.

this issue is 100% mine. im a self centered bastard sometimes... i hate it, im working on it, but still. its who i am. theres a side of me that would love to just walk away. but this girl is awesome, so i dont want to hurt her. i just dont think its working
im not a relationship person. im too selfish for it i think. or immature. i thought i was ready for a serious relationship, but aparently not.

k, the levels we connect on...

physical and somewhat spiritual

physical is whatever... im so ashamed that im saying this... but with her, sex is sex. she tries to make it more than that, but i just dont feel it anymore. maybe its because the freshman 15 turned out to be more like 20-30. thats harsh, but it could have something to do with it. ok, so now that i think about it... maybe we dont connect physically, because i can feel the same way with someone im not dating

spiritual is iffy. does this mean religiously? or something more. religiously is relatively the same. i dont know about anything deeper than that. we dont really talk much about that.

i brought this up one time when i was drunk. (ill go into more detail about the affects of alcohol on our relationship in a sec) we dont really ever talk. as you can already tell. i talk a lot. it seems i have nothing to talk about with her. that sucks! meals are silent. time is spent bull shitting around rather than doing something or talking. i would love to have an actual conversation with the person im dating. but damn it... i havent figured out how to do that yet.

ok so alcohol. the three of us are a terrible combination. i flipped out once early early in our relationship. i was smashed. i told her to get away while she still could. im only going to hurt her. blah blah. this was the nicer more depressed drunk in me. a month ago the mean side came out. i basically told her a harsher version of everything that was on my mind. i REALLY dont remember what tho.
anyway. thats me. as for her --- for 5 weeks straight we would go out to a party and she would get wasted. every friday night she would yell and scream and bitch about me. fuck you. i hate you. i fucking hate you. and any other combination of those words and meanings. every saturday we wouldnt talk. then every sunday she would come to me, apologise and then cry. 5 weeks straight. then she DDed for a while... and it stopped happening. its happened only a once or twice since then.

wow, that got really juicy. im gonna stop for now... and let you guys give me some feedback. i really appreciate it!!

 

im really sorrry to tell you this, but it really seems that you and your girlfriend are not meant to be together. when you're with someone that you love, talking is easy and sharing your feelings becomes second nature (at least thats how my boyfriend and i are). if you do decide to break up with her, do it the least painfully as you can. yes girls cry, but she will be fine in the end. maybe not immedietly but her friends will swoop her up and comfort her. go about it in a nice way, don't be rude. respect her the whole time and don't yell at her (even if she yells or says mean things about you). you don't want to leave things in a negative way, leave on good terms.

as for the drinking, probably not the best relationship booster. i dont drink and neither does my boyfriend, so we don't have the druken fighting. we don't really fight at all...just compromise.

good luck in your future relationships hope you find the right girl soon

 

thanks ill keep that in mind!

 

You're too selfish because you haven't met someone with whom you don't want to be selfish. I don't doubt she's awesome but that doesn't make her right for you.

Volatile relationships are tricky. You have to really love one another to get through all that, and you surely do not seem to love her. Silent passages of time are fine, but too many of them indicate a problem.

I'll repeat what I said earlier. Be honest with her; be fair; be kind. But most of all, be firm. Don't leave her with the idea that you'll change your mind. That's cruel.

 

Breaking up will be painful but necessary evil. I told the first girl I lived with (and still love) a month before I left when I was planning to go. We spent many nights in bed crying up until that point. At least you aren’t living with her. I know that does you little good unless you can take on the perspective, this thing happens all the time and people go on.

 

i have some thinkin to do!

night guys

 

I agree honesty is the best policy and if you lead her on it will just make things harder for both of you in the end. Good Luck

 

Spot on, Piggit.

In your head, breaking up seems more painful than putting up with things for one more day. But it's not just one day, it's every day. You only have to break up once. The longer you wait, the worse it is for both of you.

 

The End

Alright, its been a while since i started this thread, but i have good news!!


its over.

let me paint a picture for you!

I'm driving home from work, and my phone starts ringing. i turn down the Pharell so i can answer it. What do you know, its my girlfriend. She is in a particularly bitchy mood today. As you know, wednesday was the 4th, and i was supposed to hang out with her. she invited me to come help her family with some chores around the house on saturday. of course i didnt want to go, but i just said nothing. she then turned to her mom and said, "he didnt come over for the 4th, so how do you expect him to come over for that."
bitch! haha. i said "if youre going to be a bitch like that, im hanging up the phone." ok, maybe this picture is a little too vivid.
-fast forward-
she asked me how i felt about this relationship. for once i was completely honest! weird... i said "____ i love you, but its not the romantic kind of love i used to feel. im not happy, and i havent been. i havent said anything because you were so happy."
then she dropped a bomb on me! i didnt see this one coming at all!
she said "well, then. i dont think we should be together anymore."

my jaw dropped to the floor. damn thing got cought under my break pedal, so i was unable to speak or slow down for a few seconds.

we wrapped it up about half an hour later. she was crying, but i didnt cave this time! i was kind, but i wasnt going to let her change her mind.
so, im single, with all this new found freedom, and i have no idea what to do! haha




thanks for all the support on this one. this was by far my toughest break up yet. i have a feeling we may get back together sometime in the future, but most definately no time soon. im in college, i need to experience it for once!

 

I have some real heartaches over the years re girlfriends or girls I wish were girlfriends. I guess that is just a part of life. Now for the FIRST time in my LONG life, I have 4 girls I am serious about, not that I think they all are. Oh I didn't count the ones on here.

My biggest I think was that in 1984 Susan wouldn't marry me or let me have sex with her, and I lived with her on and off for 11 years, and if you read my posts you are damned tired of hearing about this.

 

She knows something is going on with you, please tell her it's over now! My Chicken shit husband of 14 years came home one day and said he's not in love with me anymore. I've been asking him if he had any issues for the past year, he said he was fine. I knew something was up with him but I figured he would work through it. Believe it or not, you may not say it in words but your actions show her. I'm glad he finally fessed up because I was getting tired of busting my ass trying to please him and he wasn't interested. If you have any decency at all tell her tonight!!! I was hurt because I love him, but I AM pissed as hell that he waisted my fucking time. Let her go, she'll get over it. Why are you torturing both of you??

 

......


thanks for the burn there. however if you had read my previous post you would have seen i already did end it. actually, she did.

 

I was in a similar situation i was in a relationship for about 3 years on and off got progressively worse and we broke it off

and i cant commit to a girl and kinda avoid getting into a relationship outside of a few 1 night stands and i don't really feel good about that at all and I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of relationships but also am pissed all the time because i don't go for the girls i like

fucked up cycle