Hello guys. New topic. Wha do ye think of adoption.. Why so many Amers want to adopt a kid from Russia,why not from Mexico,or Puerto Rico, or Nam.I personally respect those who do it/ To accept a child, that you know nothing of, is an act.. For me i have to know the background of a child a accept into my family. Simply it is a metter of blood i have to know what blood runs inside him, what were his parents.

 

Maybe because they want a child that is Caucasian. Mexico, Puerto Rico, or Nam aren't white.

 

Wha do ye mean Caucasian? We have a rigeon North Caucasus, ppll there are very hot tempered. They spil a blood on a meer occasion

 

And by the way ye live together with latinos for a so long time i think you must already accept them as ones of your own,even many of you are half breed

 

quit being racist

 

Adoption is probably one of the greatest things a person can do for another human being. If they can make it work, that is. Raising a child isn't a hobby you can just pick up only to drop a week later. It's SUPPOSED to be a life long commitment, but not everyone gets that.

I am personally open to adopting a child, simply as an option. I'm not necessarily interested in reproducing. I know people that have lost their parents or were abandoned by their parents, and have seen how adoption has benefited them. I've also seen how bad it can screw them up if a not so nice person takes them in.

 

Many regular posters know that both of Shooter's kids are adopted. They are brother and sister, so we kind of got a 2 fer 1 deal.

Our son was 7 and our daughter was 4 when we adopted them. They had been in foster care since their mother killed a third sibling, about a year before. She was a drug using prostitute who was a user/abuser from a very early age.

Shooter gives the state child welfare folks very high marks; they made sure we understood all the shit that was about to come down on us as new parents. They supported us and monitored us from our first contact with them and for about 6 months after the adoption was final. Perhaps most important, our kids each got a "life book" that detailed their life. The books included pictures of the birth mom and some of her family members, their original birth certificates, our daughters had a snip of her hair and so forth. Those books are perhaps the most important possession our kids have. Our daughter added a couple of chapters to it when she was older. It gave our kids a sense of heritage.

Couple of things if anyone is considering adoption;
1) The kids will come with baggage. They will come with baggage. Guaranteed. They will pee in the closet. They will hide food. They will lie. They will bite. They will act irrational. They will tell you they hate you. They will tell your state counselor you are abusing them. Learn to deal with it.
2) Any kid who has been in foster care/state care is a well developed con artist. Defenses up!
3) You will not have a good medical history or family medical history. This is important; when you are sure you have found your kids make the state (or whoever) show you the file. All of it. If necessary, be an asshole about it. Even well intentioned counselors won't tell you everything. In our case they wouldn't let me copy any of it or take it out of the agency, but I spent a full day reading and taking notes. That knowledge probably saved our sons life a few years later.
4) Schools should understand that adopted kids struggle with projects that require them to write about themselves and their families. My son told his teacher to go fuck herself. My daughter wrote one of the most moving and intelligent papers I've ever read when she was 11 years old. One would think this isn't that big a deal, but really, it stirs up a lot of shit adopted kids are trying to deal with and get behind them.
5) Above all, they need love and stability. They need to believe from a very early point that no matter what, you are their parents now, and you will not leave them or abandon them. No matter what. And they will promptly and often test you on this. See item 1.
6) If you cannot go into adoption with the absolute commitment that you are in this for life, and that no matter what they do or turn into, they are yours and your responsibility, don't do it. Don't do it because it will scar you, and will certainly scar the kids. This is not a joke, or like getting a puppy, or for that matter, like anything you have ever done before.
7) It is both the happiest and scariest moment when you hear the judge say "you are now officially a family" In our case, it was also the moment our son picked to test us (see item 5).
8) They will continually remind you that you are not their "real" parents. Warning; this is another test. Our answer was always "Well you are our real kids, now do what I tell you".
9) No matter how carefully you plan and budget, no matter the financial help the state or whoever gives you, adopting kids are expensive. Not the legal fees (we had none) but the shit you have to buy kids when they come live with you. Ours each came with their entire worldly goods in a shopping bag. Except for keepsakes, everything in the bag and everything they were wearing we had to throw out. And replace. Plus. Think about it. Full wardrobes for each. Bedroom furniture. Toys. Bikes. Everything. Right now. Plus, they needed medical check ups, and that led to a lot of dentist bills, counseling sessions, in my son's case treatment for a hereditary joint issue no one knew about, and tutors. Adopted kids are almost certainly going to need help catching up in school.
10) And finally, whatever you think would be the ideal kid(s) for you to adopt, know two things. Your ideal kid, right down to eye color, is out there and ready to be adopted. And almost certainly, if you and the agency you work with do it right, you will not end up with your "ideal" kid.
You will end up with your kids though. And be much richer for it.

 

very well written kudos

 

.
I've always found your posts interesting, if nothing else. .......... A little eccentric at times. ........... Ok, a lot eccentric at times! LOL
This time though, on a serious subject about expanding one's family, your post is both wise, and heartfelt.
So much information, in so little space!
Thank you for such a generous sharing of your own experiences.
A new level of respect.

 

Thanks all. If someone is seriously considering adoption, PM me and we can talk.
You know, been there done that ARE YOU NUTS? Kind of conversation.

 

In my opinion, more should adopt, if they are qualified of course.

I fear I am not qualified to adopt, many family members and friends have adopted, and are foster parents, I dont think I am that kind of parent, not enough patience.

 

Dull minds + strong backs = good ditch diggers.

Hush....an alias

 

My wife's parents were Hungarian and she was born in Linz, Austria, given to a Catholic Orphanage at birth and adopted by an American Army officer and his wife when she was 19 months old. They adopted because they thought that they could not have children of their own. When my wife was 10, they had a daughter(who knew) then two years later a son. Bingo-bango my wife became a live-in babysitter, cause mama never wanted kids in the first place, only dad did. So the wife raised two kids as a teen. One reason my wife was never real keen on having kids in our marriage. Me, I was always MEH. The wife's parents adopted badly, in that both did not want to adopt. The fact that my wife turned out to be a loving and caring person has everything to due to her sheer strength of will. I wish that all adopted kids turn out as well as she did. Perhaps a bit more willing to have kids of their own or willing to adopt, but I love her the way she is.