Granted, but this will be a do-over year similar to Groundhog Day.

I wish I had a better lawnmower.

 

Granted, but the grass grows back faster

I wish I had better stamina

 

Granted, but then you'll meet someone with an insatiable sex drive.

I wish my vacation started this week.

 

Granted, but you are stuck at your house with no entertainment

I wish I could fly

 

Granted, but people will think you're a drone and throw things at you.

I wish we had more nice days like today.

 

Granted, but tomorrow comes around every 24Hrs and clouds are always looming.

I wish fruit would grow in my fridge

 

Granted, but it will start growing together and turn into fruitcake.

I wish the laundry was done.

 

Granted, but the washing machine overflowed and flooded your house.

I wish I had new tires on my car.

 

Granted, but the Michelin Man stacked all 20 of them on the car's hood.

I wish I had something sweet to eat.

 

Granted, but you had to wait in line for it and when it was your turn she was not in the mood anymore.

I wish my most erotic fantasy could happen.

 

Granted. However, you now suffer from chronic erectile dysfunction so it’s not so erotic

I wish that I hit mega millions tomorrow night.

 

Granted, but so will millions of others, resulting in a dismal payout.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

 

Granted. Now all of your pants only come halfway up your ass.

I wish I could do gymnastics.

 

Granted! But now you backflip instead of walking.

I wish I had a nice filet mignon.

 

Granted, but your replacement top and bottom dentures won't arrive for another six months.

I wish I had a Genie-in-a-bottle who would grant me three wishes.

 

Granted, but she is going to have wishes of her own for you to fulfill.

I wish I could watch TV for 24 hours without seeing a Political Ad.

 

Granted but unfortunately you are moving to China where they don't have political opposition.

I wish I had a coupon for free manicures and pedicures for an entire year.

 

Granted, but it's only redeemable at Funny Face Nail Salon.

I wish I had a gardener to take care of my lawn instead of doing it myself.

 

Granted. Your garden now looks like this:



I wish I had a pizza right now.

 

Granted, but right now it looks like a microwave pizza is the only type available.

I wish I had another ceiling fan.