farting during head (didnt smell but it was loud) and fucking (again didnt smell but i dont think she heard it, still embarassing for me though) a bad one was the first time a girl fingered my ass i almost shit on her hand, she had crap on her finger too -___- one was just straight up embarrassing: i was about 14 and my aunt nearly walked in on me and her 9yo daughter dry humping the hell out of me in just her panties. we eventually screwed though i got caught cheating on an ex with her twin sister by the sister i was with (i was hoping for a kinky incestual 3some but no dice)

 

We werre standing, out side, naked. I was finger fucking her from behind, two or three fingers in her pussy, thumb up her ass. She is a squirter. She began coming, i kept fucking her with my fingers up her pussy, thumb now outta her asshole...she kept cuming and shit right in my palm!!!

 

Walked down to a friends house one night and got way too drunk with him and his wife. Well, his sister, who I had never met shows up and gets drunk with us. She looks just like him. JUST like him, Ive never met a more manly looking woman. Not only that, but she was crude and vulgar just like the dumbest redneck you'll ever meet.
So I am WAY too drunk to walk home, so she offers me a ride. Then she insists on seeing me inside. Then she doesnt leave, but gets me into bed. Now, I am 5'3" tall, and about 140lbs at the time. This woman was way bigger than me. I could have fought her off, Im a skilled martial artist, but I would have had to hurt her.... I told her I didnt have any condoms, she said she couldnt get preganant. I told her I didnt want to get involved with someone who couldnt have kids cause I wanted a family. She said she only couldnt get preganant because she was on birth control.I told her I didnt believe in having sex unless I was in love, she didnt care..
SO I gave in, and being the guy I am made the best of it, I get the most joy in sex when my partner orgasms so I fucked this girl as well as I could.. she called me up several times over the next few weeks asking when she could get together again with her new "fuck buddy" and eventually I just had to be rude to my buddies sister...
Oh, did I mention my friend was also my martial arts instructor? First I was afraid he was going to kick my ass for fucking his sister, but he knew all about it. THEN I was terrified he was going to beat the crap out of me for NOT fucking his sister anymore.

Holy Shit it was a nightmare.

 

My fiance then boyfriend accidentally "dragon breathed" me. He shot cum out my nose during a BJ

 

Hmmm. I guess I would have to say any time that she was on top and it was too rough and my dick almost broke. Happened a few times. lol

 

Whoops! Clearly you were too hot!

 

I spent months chasing after a particular woman. Eventually we agreed to meet at a hotel for sex. The day before l got food poisoning and decided that with the help of imodium to settle the runs l would be fine. The imodium worked, stopped the runs but l was left so weak l couldn't get an erection. Obviously l soldiered on and tried to make up for it by giving her my best oral only to find l was too sick to even manage that. Fail!!!

 

It ended!

 

Unintended bad pussy smell, I'm out!

 

I had been begging for a date with a super hot girl years ago. I had been working for a fur buyer and helped process furs. When I was able to get a date we no more than got seated at the restaurant when a flea found its way to my face. Date over.
I quit that job and shaved everything. Used flea and tick shampoo for a month.
Still never got a second date.

 

My husband and I were going at it , Hot and Heavy and I broke a rib !

 

Probably the time the condom broke

 

I had sex with a woman who turned out to be vagina dentata. Freaked me out at first but it grew back even more awesome than before. So it’s all good but be careful out there. !

 

Dislocated shoulder, subconjunctival hemmorage in both eyes from being choked, chipped tooth and vaginal scarring.

Not all at the same time though. Chipped tooth was my fault, the shoulder was from a cheap o who tried rope suspension and his rigging failed. The eyes were from breath play gone too far and the scaring was from a sex obsessed ass who couldn’t make me cum so he resorted to a power tool to try.

 

Also a pregnancy scare and a STD scare. Also a stalker if that counts.

 

They were. I could do without the shoulder and back pain now though. I went thru a bondage phase for a while.