Usually I come home late because I work night shifts, and my wife is always asleep when I come home. We have one child together, Ane, who is 13 years old. Coming home from work, I was tired, stressed, and in need of sex. These days, my wife pretty much has lost her sex drive. Ane got in her nice black laced panties and her short white t-shirt. She was getting ready to sleep. Ane was going to read a book for school but decided not to.

I got undressed, and went in the bathroom to take a shower. It was hot, but fast. I stroked my cock a bit, I was desperately in need of sex. Knowing my wife won't give it to me, I got out of the shower and walked into her room. She had the lights off and under the covers, but I could tell she was still awake.

"Ane."

"Yeah, daddy?" her vocals a bit shot.

I sat at the edge of her bed, the dimly lit moonlight shadowing in her room let me see her figure covered in blankets.

"Come here."

She hesitated but obeyed, my erection throbbed, it felt wonderful. I wanted to slam my cock inside her tight pussy for so long, this was the perfect opportunity to. She scooted over.

Without realizing it, I blurted out, "come take daddy's pants off."

Confused, Ane replied, "what's a cock daddy?" her eyes drawn to my face.

I stood up, and dropped my pants, showing her my blue boxers with a bulge. "Well, a cock is like... candy, think of it as a lollipop. It's yummy. Touch me baby."

She moved closer to her father.

"Get down on your knees."

"But I want sleep daddy, I have school tomorrowwww..." she nagged, but obeyed anyway. Without further saying anything, he rubbed the bulge. "...it's hard."

"Yes, suck baby. Open your mouth."

She once again obeyed, opening her mouth to let her tongue out. She licked my cock, and twirled around on my head. My cock was so hard, and horny, I pulled her head closer, and hurried my dick inside her mouth. I jammed it in, and her eyes popped out. It was immense, the force was tremendous. Her hands tried to push me away but I grabbed her pig tails and began thrusting and ramming my huge cock inside her mouth.

Tears from pain and distraught filled her eyes as they fell. She wanted me to stop but was muffled with cries as I pummeled her mouth with my hard cock.

Ane's stomach began to churn, I pull my cock out. She cried. "Daddy daddy, that was not fun!" she cried, "ow... that wasn't fun at all! It was salty and I--"

I cut her off. "Stop bitching Ane!" I hurried a whisper, "if you wake mommy up, I'll tell her how you lost her "misplaced" earrings. You wore them to school, remember? I will tell her and you will get punished!"

She shut her little mouth and listened. I told her to get on top of me.

"Come here baby, get on daddy."

She obeyed.

"Pull your panties to the side, come on."

She obeyed again and wrapped her legs around me.

"Sit on the hard candy."

She stared in amazement of how big it is. "Daddy, it looks big."

"It'll feel good, I promise."

She suggested, "can we do something else daddy?"

I smiled and preemptively thrust my hard cock straight up in her tight pussy. She let out a gasp, then a moan, the thickness captivated her. Ane's eyes bursted out, she burst one loud scream which I caught just as she almost finished it.

...My wife surely heard it.

 

Tons of views, no replies?

 

Go figure

 

Huh?

 

I think no one is responding bc they are too polite to say it's no good. I'm all for the Daddy fantasy but it just needs to be fine tuned.

"Without realizing it, I blurted out, "come take daddy's pants off."

Confused, Ane replied, "what's a cock daddy?" her eyes drawn to my face."

That doesn't even make sense. If the dad didn't say the word cock why would she ask what it means? And for her not to know what a cock was she would have to be more like 6. . . and some of your word choice is off. Instead of saying her eyes popped out, which sounds gorey and gross, say something like her eyes widened which is hot. And who the hell spells Ane with one n instead of 2?

I could go on but I think my point has been made.

 

I have to politely agree with littlelady that this is not your best work. It seems very stereotypical of a sloppy erotic fiction story in that things move too fast leaving the reader confused in how the characters can understand each other. It has potential if you fill in the gaps like the one given from littlelady on how the daughter got wanting to know what a cock was from him asking her to take off her pants.

On a personal note, the story was a bit forceful for my own tastes and it almost seemed that you were angry while you wrote it. Other than that, I stand that this story does have potential but I know that you can do better and would suggest that you compare how you were thinking when you wrote this versus how you were thinking when you wrote your more popular works and determine from that, how to approach your next work.

 

I just felt the need to write another short story, but then again, the plot is meh, but the idea was short and sweet in my head. Thanks for the read though.

 

If this is the best you can do-DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!! Or try again when you're SOBER.
What a mish-mash of a story. good concept-poor delivery.
thanx

 

sloppy story,
get more focused on storyline, your way to quick on the draw!

 

You're right, I'll do that.

 

I noticed you wrote short story no "sex story". The elements to help you are the:
PLOT - the sequence of events of a story and their relaion to one another as they develop. Rather than use up space I'll just set them out so you will be awhere of them as yo read other stories. CHARACTER - the people in the story, but not always--tink of it as not what's next but why. SETTING. . - Place and time. POINT OF VIEW - Is the narrator, I ,he, she, they, rarely "you". STYLE AND VOICE - the language. THEME- The meaning of a story.

Suggest you go to your library and pick up an introduction to short fiction, non- fiction, too. While there pick up some books by the masters of short stories: icluding yet not limited to Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain); Nathaniel Hawthorne; Shirley Jackson you may remember reading The lottery in high school.
Ask the Libraian to help you. You have started to write now follow the established guide line---Good Luck. Remember the quote when you where taking an exam in school: "When in Doubt Look About"! Well, you are older now so look about in the Library.

 

Oh no, read my other stories, there's a lot of sex, and I don't think you should be giving advice with your silly misspellings. Like I said, this was rushed work that I did not put any thought to it.

 

Was editing- to correct silly spelling--Administrator, cut in said would review my request to continue editing--Never received answer to request--my reply was just posted, learned not to help others.

 

Oh, don't be offended of what I posted. I was just stating what seems to me was the obvious; a rushed work, prematurely posted.

 

With all due respect, it's terrible.

 

Give her a break i thought the story was well put across.

 

its a work in progress. your other stories show improvement.