Tale of the Irish Sausage

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't
have a lot of money between them, they could only
raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out
with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any
money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two
pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much
trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a
plan, Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick
the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees
and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them
out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and
more drunk, all for free..

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I
can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are
killin'me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the
sausage in the third pub

 

hahaah, good shite sibboh. :mrgreen:

 

Thanks for the laugh, I needed one this morning!!!

 

I haven't heard that one in some time.

 

Now that was funny

 

A young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.' The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the
Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and
the husband was obviously very depressed. 'You are back so soon... Is there a problem?' the pastor inquired. 'We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.' The young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened. 'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was
unbearable. We tried cold showers, Prayers, reading from the Bible...anything to
keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts. Until one afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,' admitted the man, shamefacedly. The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.' 'We know.' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We're not welcome at Homebase either.'

 

Prison......you spend a majority of your time in an 8X10 cell
At work.......you spend a majority of your time in a 6X8 desk cubicle
In prison......you get three meals a day
At work.......you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it
In prison......you get time off for good behaviour
At work.......you get more work for good behaviour
In prison......the guard locks and unlocks the doors for you
At work.......you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself
In prison......you can watch tv and play games
At work.......you get fired for watching tv and playing games
In prison......you get your own toilet
At work.......you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat
In prison......they allow your family and friends to visit
At work.......you cant even talk to to your family on the phone
In prison......the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required
At work.......you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners
In prison......you must deal with sadistic wardens
At work.......they are called managers


Have a Great Day At WORK
I'm going to PRISON!!!

 

The Cowboy


A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.


She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.


For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.


Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'


The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her.


'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.


Trembling, he did as she directed.


'Now take off my boots.'


He did as she asked, ever so slowly.


'Now take off my socks.'


He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


'Now take off my skirt.'


He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.


'Now take off my bra.'


Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.


Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

 

HA! that was funny. good one sullygom!

 

hey sib, welcome back, missed ya!

 

Aww ya did? Fer real? Goshers ..

 

Hey sully that a good one

 

ofcourse!

 

Who's a funny girl then?

 

Have you been away?

Funny I didn't even notice

 

a man tatooed "I Love You" on his penis.
his wife accused him of "trying to put words in her mouth"

 

chuckle

 

Lol

 

69

Nice

 

i miss Sibboh