I know i'm sure to get some trolls on it, but don't worry i get that enough from friends, i just guess i needed to say something to somebody even if everybody ignores it.

I spent several years of my life experiencing a dark period where i was heavy into drugs, alcohol, and i never truly lived. in that rut i met the most amazing person to have ever crossed my path, the one person i am truly thankful for, my ex-wife. She saved my life and i could never be more thankful of a person then i am of her. She brought me to the light, showed me that things could get better, i could change and be a good person. i was clean and i was enjoying life. i could go for midnight walks and not be paranoid of cops, or high out of my mind. She made me live, for the first time in my life. she was intoxicating and every moment i spent around her i could have died instantly happy. This went on for a year and soon we were wed. i could see us settling down in the suburbs and never worrying about life again, then i guess like all things, it had to come down. My brother committed suicide and that sent my life into a spiral. i blamed myself and in my selfish self-pity, i turned back to my comfort zone, and i fell back into the drug lifestyle. my ex wife was amazing and supportive and stood right by my side every night even when i came home fired, and started spending her money to fund my drug and drinking binges. I broke her heart every night i came home hopped up out of my mind, but i was so high i didn't even care. she stayed with me as long as she could but eventually i stopped coming home, and she ended it. that was a sobering feeling for me. i was on my own and even my rock was gone from me, so by myself, i worked myself back to being clean. i quit the drugs and cut all the drinking except for maybe once or twice a month, and i straightened out. i got a new job and broke away from the friends that had let me fall back into that hole. I am now clean for 7 months, but i feel so empty. i am lost without her and i don't know if i could even ask for her back. her friends and family have told me to leave her be, and not to ever hurt her again. its only now that I've gone clean that i saw the damage i did, and it just makes me feel more empty. i love her, i swear i do, but if i love her, does that mean i have to let her go? I've changed, seriously i have changed but[FONT=&quot] do I still lose her? Should I try despite everybody telling me to just get out of her life? Why won’t they let me even speak to her? I can’t contact her because when I call her house, they tell me not to ever call back and hang up, never telling her I called, I’ve mailed her, nothing. I just wish I could know what she herself wants, even if that means i leave her alone forever. i just want to know what i should do, i[/FONT] have nowhere else to turn, so please, does anybody have any insight?

 

damn, that seriously sucks man

I say you should find a way to talk to her without people interfering like by showing up somewhere she is and asking her to talk, and talk everything out, as adults, let her say everything she has to, and say what you have to, and at the end, if she wants to give you another chance, don't fuck it up, but if she wants you to leave her alone, and let her go, then if you really love her, you have to

Seriously though, don't let the people around you dictate what you do, find a way to talk to her so you can know exactly what SHE wants, and do it

 

I know, but i don't want to put her into that situation, because i fucked up, and i fucked up hard, and i just feel like shit even wanting to put her in that situation but i love her and i know for some reason she loves me, i just know i gotta talk to her, that is a good idea man, thank you

 

np, I know you don't wanna put her in that situation, but it's worth finding out whether what her parents and people around her keep telling you isn't how she really feels or not, right?

 

true, and i'm willing to go that route but its really hard to put yourself out there like that you know?

 

try whipping your dick out and going 'huh? huh? come on baby' while pointing at it and rapidly raising and lowering your eyebrows suggestively.


and it off with a pose like this

works all the time

 

I hear ya, but I know, if there was a possibility that somebody I truly loved still loved me, and hadn't completely given up on me, it'd all be worth it, no matter how hard it was.

I heard a quote one time(it was on Scrubs, but a good quote nonetheless), and it was "nothing worth having in this life comes easy" and that quote is the truth, it's all on you to go after what you want, no matter what it takes. if you truly love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her and know this without a doubt, you should do everything in your power to make it happen if it's still possible

 

I wonder if that guy actually realizes he's nothing more than a walking punch line

what a douche

 

lol

 

leave her alone .......... no one deserves a drugged up junkie ........ get ur life sorted , get a decent job, some money , a house - then worry about finding a lady

 

I've straightened up and got a good job, i'm working to improve myself, which is why i left her alone but honestly i can't risk the thought of losing her, and i know that if i don't make a move i will lose her, she didn't deserve what happened to her, and i've never felt worse about anything in my life, but people can change can't they?

 

I'm gonna have to agree with baller here. have a long serious talk with her, and see what happens.

 

Read the fuckin' thread before posting, you idiot.

And to the OP - go for it. Talk to her. Write her a letter. ANYTHING. If you don't, you'll forever be haunted by the what-ifs, and that'll just make life more unbearable.

 

There is such a thing as loving someone too much. With your past history, it's only natural that friends and family don't trust you yet. Some may never trust you again. What you can't do is force it on her, however. It's alright to make an initial contact but don't try and spill your guts. All you should do is let her know-directly or indirectly-that if/when she's ready, you want to talk. After that, let it go. It could be that she has no interest in ever seeing you again, or it could be that she's just not ready. But if you are always trying to come at her then you're more likely to scare her away than get her to listen. But you also need to come to grips with the possibility that there is no you and her, anymore. That might be the cost of your addiction, the loss of your wife. No one likes to hear that there are no more chances, but sometimes there isn't. However, you stand a much better chance at reconciling if you let her come to you.

-S-

 

You're not there yet.

'i quit the drugs and cut all the drinking except for maybe once or twice a month, and i straightened out.'

I don't want to sound like an AA commercial, but if you've truley cleaned up then even once or twice a month is too much. From experience, I can tell you that its a slippery slope. How long before you have a bad day and go out for a drink and one becomes two, three... etc,? The once or twice, is one or two opportunities a month that you open yourself up to begin the slide into addiction again. Once you've lost the control of the alcohol, then its an easy step to start doing drugs again. You've been there, you know this.

 

trust me mate, i know i could be doing better, the once or twice a month is just been really hard to give up, i don't get fucked up but i know i could be doing better, for everybody thanks, i tried again to call, i got no answer so i left a message just telling her that it was me, asked her if she had heard that i'd quit and told her that i'd love to hear from her, it just feels so weird to leave such an empty message to her, i really hope she calls, if not then i will try to see her just once in person to hear if she has an interest in talking to me, just as friends to start, about how things are going, Baby steps, right?

 

i went thru some rough times like you described =/ .. wen drugs take over your life its pretty much imposible for other people to see whats happening.. they wanna see the real you but they feel like they cant.. when they talk to you it seems hopeless.. i think you need to find her and talk to her, not sure how but sumhow .. see what she has to say and dont force her into anything to quickly, like you said 'baby steps' .. shes probably nervous and i gaurentee alot of the people around her are influencing her decision to talk with your or not.. but if you really do want another chance with her you must be all for it because if you go back to things you did before i think you'll really hurt her.. shes afraid of being hurt again, prove to her you dont want to do that to her ever again. but if she really wants her space, dont annoy her take things at a very slow pace....

 

While I've never actually been in your ex's shoes, I do kind of know how she might feel. With a trust being betrayed. . . .nothing hurts worse than that feeling. You feel like you somehow let that person down for them to do what they did, in your case, drugs and alcohol. I'm sure at the very least she still cares for you deeply. But there's also a good chance she still loves you very much and is willing to work on things. If the love is there, there's always a chance if both parties work on things.

Write her a letter, pour out your heart. The worst she can say is that she tried already and can't go back. But I know she'll wish you the best.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

 

Thank you both, I'm just hoping to work myself back into where i had once been, trying to get my life back, but i feel bad asking for that trust back, when i've already damaged her, but i can't be without her, i just want to know what people would do in her situation

 

Well I read this and firstly thought NO i am not gonna respond but it played on my mind so I have to.

My situation was slightly different to the one you and your ex-wife are in but I went through all the shit just the same. As I have mentioned before the father of my eldest daughter was a violent bully - not at first, we had almost a year happy together till the moods and jealousy took over but then he got bad and I did spend a fair bit of time in hospital with broken ribs and much more, too painful to go into. He drank a lot and at the time was modelling and getting into drugs but that was no excuse and I stuck with him and made all the excuses trying to get him straight and back on track but it didnt work. We broke up several times but I always believed he had changed. Eventually he left and when he tried to come back - because of the nature of his departure - I refused to have him back, and we went through a lot of time where my family refused to allow him to see or speak to me - they told me nothing about him trying to get in touch and though I would have been angry at the time I realise now that I have moved on in my life that it was for the best, for me to sort my life out and that would not have been possible for me to grow as a person if I had let him back into my life. I guess what I am trying to say to you is that sometimes if you truly love someone it is kinder to just let go, she didnt deserve your baggage and got no rewards for putting up with it. Give it time and maybe she will come looking for you but unfortunately I think that is the way it has to be.

I think what you have done and said is wonderful and very sweet but sadly it is her call now!