What I mean by that is, does it matter to you who your partner was with before? Not the number of people, but the type of people?




So I’ll be honest, I would never be with someone who was with someone before me whom I didn’t
like. Because if he found her desirable, then his tastes are clearly questionable lol. And he’ll always have that ick factor.

This happened to me with my ex. He was with the trashiest, most terrible woman ever. She stole. She lied. She ended up in jail. She pretended to be pregnant. She got her kid’s father thrown in jail. I mean, the list goes on and on. And the fact he was with her before me really bothered me. Like, wtf? Her and I could not be more different. And I could never really get it out of my head that he had liked all that. I know everyone makes mistakes and things sometimes go bad with good people. But some people are just bad

So it might not be right, but I can’t help how I feel. Does anyone else care about this sort of thing?

 

No I do not care because I leave judging people to God and the justice system. What matters to me is who they are to me... if you had a bad run and made some questionable decisions, it would make me feel proud to think you picked yourself up and made yourself better just for me... that's my opinion..

 

As YOU know I have never been in a situation like that before. I understand your feelings and would feel the same way if the role was reversed.

 

I'm not too concerned about past relationships... But I DO get your point. Who someone IS or has BECOME and what their heart is all about is the most meaningful to me.

 

Yes! A vehement yes! When evaluating a woman for a relationship, (not a short-term, casual sex encounter), I take careful note of what her past boyfriends have been like. I don't directly ask her about them. I let her talk about them, and many women do talk at length about their past loves. I indirectly ask about the type of man that she finds attractive (physically and emotionally) and how she comes to trust a man enough to let him into her private, intimate life.

I do this for two reasons. The first is that I want to determine the degree to which I can rely on her decision making ability. If I am being let into her private life, I want to be confident that she is making a correct decision at that time. I don't want to spend time an energy on her just to have her change her mind on a whim. The second is that I want to get a good idea of the men who preceded me in enjoying her body. If she has been with men whom I feel it is beneath me to follow, then it's all over. Such men are similar to the woman CherryPop described in her opening post.

I care a lot about the type of past partners. One unacceptable past partner breaks the deal for me. Hundreds of acceptable past partners does not.

 

In short, yes. There are a few people/groups that if my intended partner was intimately involved with, I wouldn’t continue with the relationship. But that’s all academic. She was a serial adulteress, and flew several years ago.

 

There are no people in this world where everything is bad, there is also some good in them. And always that good thing about them at least a little bit for them

 

I have to admit being a bad judge of character in the past is a sign of poor judgement making... In the past. I've tried In recent times to be more open minded to people's pasts compared to who they are now if even by looking at myself and less-than-perfect conduct and record so I'd be a hypocrite.

That being said, a continual and recent history with a pattern of behaviours would have me being of a more discriminating taste. I've known stunning women who I would touch with a barge pole for knowing more about them as people.

 

I know exactly what you me. It's like when I used to fancy a girl but then I saw the guy she was with and it made me question her judgement, like what is wrong with her? Why is she with that guy?

Love is blind I guess. It's possible to fall in love with the most fucked up people. Sometimes their failings can be what attracts you to them, like you want to help them. I try not to judge.

My wife was single when I met her. We never discussed previous relationships, but it does feel weird when I occasionally see an old photo of her with her arm around an other guy who I know nothing about.

 

Part of that is just jealousy IMHO. It's easy to fall for someone before you know the negative things about them. As long as we learn from mistakes we've made, they can be avoided later on.

 

Well you certainly cannot leave judging people to a mythical deity. I agree with @Cherrypop, a previous partner who was with someone who is basically unreliable, dishonest, devious and vindictive cannot be good because you never know when your new partner will start to behave like his or her previous partner. Will their distrust or anxiety affect the new relationship? I believe it would.
Fortunately I know my partner very well and her past! I am her past since we met a a very early age so in that sense I am very lucky.

 

If I KNEW all about everyone that the girl I was currently with HAD been with in the past, it probably could make a difference; but I rarely give women the third degree right up front. There have been three cases in the past where, afterwards, I found out that they had been with very questionable individuals and it DID bother me. One, we broke up right after I found out (and this story I have posted elsewhere). The other two, I stayed with for a while, but eventually the relationships ended----one for 'natural causes', the other, I found out more things about HER that bothered me.

 

Seriously OP?

Did you ever think that she was not that way when they met?
That people get trapped in relationships?

Perhaps he was trying to help her see the light and better herself?

Or most importantly, that your man chose to better his situation with a better person?

Though I have to question just how much better when you judge him for past mistakes and imply to us there is an "ick" factor.

You weren't there, you cannot judge.

I think the issue is your cross to bear.

Not cool to judge one based on another's actions.

 

I don't think I've ever been in that situation but other than fame, why do women date/marry guys like Kanye?

 

Not at all.

 

Nope, as long as they're not dipping their toe back in the water when they're with me then I don't care.

 

Its not something I've ever given any thought to. My wife likes fucking a lot of people so chances are very good she's fucked multiple people that I wouldn't like but I don't have to like them. They've served her need in a moment and they're nothing more than that.

As far as deeper relationships go her and I are very similarly minded with very similar outlooks and values. I'd be very surprised if she at any point in time had a relationship with someone I'd find problematic and even if she had it wouldn't matter because that would be very far in the past.

 

The first night we spent in bed, after sex we chatted about our past, she knew I was gay in a relationship with two gay men and she told me that she was a lesbian with her roommate in college, I told her that when my lover showed me off to their friends, they were always given the opportunity to have sex with me so I was with alot of men, in her case her one and only sexual partner was her roommate, when it came to having sex with a man I was her first and she was my first, but we both agreed to allow the other one to never change and enjoy whatever kind of sex we wanted, I would end up cleaning her up from many men, and she sucked and licked me up after every woman

 

It's a proven fact that love is blind. Friends often see what we can't. Soooo... we don't always make the best choices when we're in love. We only find out later that we might have made a huge mistake.