I really liked the story but I think you should leave that series behind before it becomes stale. I'm sure you could squeeze another couple of good stories out of it but why not end on a high note and move onto new pastures. I don't usually comment on here, god knows why I have started now. I shall return to my cave.

 

Thank you all very much for reading and enjoying my story!

I plan to. Across the Lake will be the last in this series, and once its finished, I'll probably stick with one-shots or, if I find a world I really enjoy, do another series. Or, and this is REAL unlikely, I might have guest appearances by or allusions to these characters in future stories. But probably not.

 

i love incest storys!!

 

loved it especially their acceptance of it.

 

that was well done

 

I agree..... very well done.

 

I'm glad you all liked it. There's more to the story, if you want to read it.

 

Just WOW

 

niceee

 

great

a great story, well written. very well done, thank you for posting. i'm looking forward to reading across the lake

 

Hahahaha

 

I loved this story! This is exactly the kind of story I've been looking for; one that frames the sex in context of a romance (especially an incestuous romance, as you can probably guess from my user name).

Now for an honest evaluation:

What I like:

Putting a back story helps to make the reader understand, empathize, and care about the characters.

Switching between viewpoints while using the first-person is dangerous; if it doesn't work, it can really ruin a story. But you manage to pull it off, and it only enhances the story.

There is a subtle shift in formality between Matt's viewpoint and Kari's. It makes sense, since he's grown and out of the house and she's still a fourteen-year-old girl. I like how Matt and Kari have two different writing styles.

You don't get right to the sex. Other readers might see that as a drawback, but I love it. The narrative, teasing, and "false alarms" serve to draw out the suspense, so that the sex becomes all the more fulfilling because the readers (and the characters) have wanted it for so long.

Part 8 wasn't necessary; you could have ended it after Part 7, but it didn't spoil the story. Although bittersweet, it tacked on a nice "happily ever after."

I especially liked the suspense and buildup in Part 8 where Kari is looking for her brother. The reader really feels her apprehension. Showing in a previous scene that he's still in love with her doesn't hurt the suspense; it simply shifts it to wondering what their reunion is going to be like.

What I didn't like:

You jump back and forth between present and past tense sometimes. Not as much as a lot of other authors I've seen, but it's still a no-no. Let me mention though, that in the parts written from Kari's point of view, it works just fine. Why? Because it helps to maintain the spontaneous and free-flowing feel of the narrative, which is perfect for the writings of a teenage girl.

In the parts where you split between viewpoints (e.g. Part 4), it's sometimes a little confusing to keep track of who's currently the narrator.

I've never liked the concept of anal sex, so I didn't really like Part 6. But that's just my personal preference.

Switching to third-person in the first part of Part 8, when all the rest of the story was in first-person, felt just a little jarring. I can understand why you did it; you emphasize the fact that the characters talking at the bar are outsiders, enemies even, to the protagonists. I just don't think it worked. Still, since most of the part is dialogue, that minimizes the impact.

I always like ultra-happy endings, so I didn't appreciate that their parents disowned them. But again, that's just my own personal preference. It didn't ruin the story at all.

You'll notice that most of the things I didn't like are nitpicky little things. The good far outweighs the bad. Definitely one of the better stories I've read on XNXX. A solid 9/10, and it's only that low because I reserve 10's for stories that amaze me and not just entertain me.

Now I'm looking forward to reading Across the Lake.

 

great story

 

Excellent

Thanks for sharing a great read. You provided the excellent ending to a story that kept my attention! Everything between to Lovers from the start to finish was a wait in harmony!

 

Like the mutiple points of view

 

Very nice ....

 

great stories!

 

AMAZING!

 

Very amazing story.