I'm just going to hit the basics here to not bore you to death. I am married of 6 years, I have a female friend of 6 years, Nothing was ever thought of it, but as time goes by, I realize her and I are the perfect couple. She is married also, but I think she feels this way too. Maybe not to the extreme as myself, but I know she knows we'd work out perfect.I think we both hold great fear of it. I think I am in love with her, but to risk it, is to lose everything. So, I don't know what I want from you people, but I needed to at least get it off my chest.. I love my wife, but to bring this to perspective, I never wanted kids, but I'd love to have kids with this other lady.. I am a horrible man..

 

Advice

Calm down champion.This happens to the best of us. Look at Nero, emperor of Rome in 54. He was married to Octavia, however he wanted another girl named Sabina. Except in this, he got with Sabina and through out all this had a lot of sex with his mum. I'm obviously not saying this to bore you. Its a point. If a Roman Emperor could suffer from the same choice, a normal man can.

In my opinion. Have a good time with your friend. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS. It is up to you weather or not to go through with it. Your not a horrible man. Relax.

 

All I can say is put yourself in your wife's shoes. How would you feel if your wife thought another Man was a better match for her? That she was possibly even in love with him?

*shrugs shoulders*

I suppose given your situation that may even be a relief.

All women are probably different, but if my partner had more intense feelings for someone else, if he'd rather be with her, I would rather he told me so I could move on and rebuild my life. I'd want the option of whether or not I was living in a lie.

It sounds like you're keeping her around as a security blanket.

Whatever happens, good luck.

 

Theres no kids so fuck it, nobody says you have to stay with your wife.

 

You're not terrible for thinking about her. You'd be terrible if you went through and did anything behind your wife's or her husband's back. I believe that the only reason you're seeing feelings now is because you're both at the moment unattainable. People desire what they can't have more. Perhaps it also contributes that your own marriage starting to get a little stagnant. I don't know what your relations are like, but you may just be in that "tired-of-the-same-thing" like stage with your wife, which is why you see this other girl in a different light. She's different. Try spicing up your own marriage and re-kindle any lost sparks with your wife first.

Do something spontaneous and loving with your own wife. Try and think only of your wife right now.


By the way Italian, that Nero analogy was just terrible...

 

Analogy

Terrible? how so? it is a similar situation. What was so wrong about it? Think I'm wrong?

 

don't do it unless you know it feels 100% right

 

Could you live with the kind of person you would be if you went ahead and did something? (behind your wife's back)

If you no longer want to be with your wife, be honest with her.

If your other interest feels the same, it would probably be best that she didn't feel compelled into making this life-altering choice. If she regretted it later, you would be an easy target.

Also, what about getting everyone together and trying for wife-swappage or something? Even if nothing happens, that's a fairly large sign to your love-interest that you -are- interested.

 

LOL

 

Regret the things you do, and not the things you didnt do.

If you really feel like this other woman could be "The One" then why would you want to live the rest of your life wondering "What if"?

You shouldnt feel bad, you cant help who you like or how you feel about people. If you really feel this way about this other woman then you should just talk to her. See if she is on the same wave length. See if you guys really would make a great couple.

However, dont cheat on your wife. If you and this other woman want to give it a shot then you need to be honest with your wife. It might be tough but its the right move.

 

The Nero analogy referenced the fornication with one's own mother; unbeknownst to Nero the Emperor.

Yes, the situation was similiar in the other "two women" aspect, but one of the women you are choosing is not your mother.


Follow your heart IM. If you are wrong about this, you will definitely lose your wife and most likely will lose your best friend if she feels it is wrong to dump your wife.

 

How's the stuff between you and your wife? I am not 100% if you'd be sooo into the other female if things were totally awesome between you and wife.

Try thinking really hard about what do you HATE about the relationship between you and wife. And then have a serious talk about it. I mean, serious, drama talk... Have several of these deep deep talks. It might bring you a lot closer together than you think.

Also, when you don't live with someone every day, you don't have the time to notice the little things that annoy you or the little things that you wish were different. Instead, your impression is whatever you fantasize the other female to be. In real life, it is usually not that ideal. You know, as your friends, she is trying to be the best she can be and she probably never shows you her uglier side...... If you saw this side, maybe your wife wouldn't seem so bad...

 

Theres no kids so fuck it, nobody says you have to stay with your wife.

 

thanks guys, I think I am going to try and spice it up a little at home, because I think that will help. Plus I'm in a depressed place right now, so that may be part of this as well.

 

its different living with someone full time than fantasising about them and only seeing their good points when you have no idea what they are like to live with. You say you love your wife and she must be OK to live with then, its time to try and make a go of it with youir wife and if it doesnt work you would least have tried, you owe her that much at least.

 

You're certainly within your rights to end your marriage and start anew. Keep in mind, though, the old adage about the grass being greener. This might be an illusion...and you'll be giving up a great deal to find that out.

 

id say its not worth it to loose your marrige over but if you and your friend have had this tension for so long then you two should definitly see through and do something, just to get it out of your system..

 

You´re not a horrible man, but a normal human being walking the journey of life as best you can.
I believe that the best thing to do is be true to yourself, your wife, this woman, her husband, everyone. Don´t live a lie, don´t live the life you no longer want, but live the life you do want.
If you want to be with a new person, then set your wife free, she deserves to be with someone who´ll never leave her, and will always want her, so let her go to find that person.
Tough situation, no doubt, but do what is right for you, believe me it´ll be best for everyone.
The Fountainhead is a great book for you to read, or reread.
Good luck.

 

you're not a horrible man, you have to think about whether or not your friend is worth losing your wife over. if she's not worth it, then you should probably stop your friendship. it's more than friendship anyways, you're emotionally attached to her, and are envisioning a life with her. that's not fair to your wife. you're doing what's called "emotionally cheating". you're still living with guilt, restless nights, feeling like "you need to chose" when you haven't actually done anything. kinda makes you think you might as well right? because you live with the same emotion.

try to think about why you married your wife in the first place, and devote yourself to her, and cut ties with your female friend. or both of you can go through long, grueling divorces, where everyone involved is heartbroken in one way or another.

if you chose to stay friends with this other woman, understand that she is forever going to cloud your judgement, and be in your mind.

 

In the words of my Sunday School teacher (yes, I go to church), "Temptation is not sin."

So far, you've done nothing wrong. This is important to understand, because that means the choice is still ahead of you. So far you're still 100% faithful to your wife. Take courage in that.

Now for my honest, and admittedly brutal, opinion. I apologize in advance for my "no holds barred" approach. In other words, pack your bags, because we're going on a guilt trip.

When you got married, you swore to love, honor, and cherish your wife "until death do you part." (And no, I'm not advocating that you murder your wife). You didn't swear to love, honor, and cherish her until you get tired of her, or until you decide it's not working, or until something better comes along. You already closed the door to other relationships when you said "I do." You made the most solemn promise that a person can possibly make.

If you break that promise, you will become the type of person who cannot be trusted with anything. The type of person whose morals and ethics are based upon whatever happens to be convenient at the time.

Feel guilty enough yet? No? Okay, how about this: You're coldly considering trading in your wife for a better model. If you go through with it, that makes you extremely selfish, because you're treating your wife like a possession and not a human being, something to be discarded on a whim because you think you can do better. That kind of man is not worthy of either woman. After all, even if you get together with your friend, what's to keep you from doing the same thing to her later?

And now the final blow: You risk ruining the life of the woman you love just to squeeze 10% more happiness out of life for yourself. And don't hide behind the excuse that your wife would be better off without you. That's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes she will be better off without you if you turn into the kind of man I talked about above. But you're not that kind of man yet.

Okay, sorry about the rant, but this is one of my pet peeves. I'm convinced that most of the problems in our society can be traced back to people giving up on their marriages on the slightest pretense.

I don't want to end on a negative note, so here's something positive. What you should do is simple. It's the same thing that every husband and wife should do.

Forget what's best for you, and concentrate on what's best for your spouse.

Really, it's that simple.

Make her the most important thing in your life. If you and your wife both do this, you'll suddenly discover that you are "the perfect couple," as you so put it. There will be no reason to look elsewhere, because you'll already have the perfect relationship.