it means a woman making me do what evers she fucking wants with here[only in the bed hough].same thing with men:excited:

 

Not to say that there aren't ANY sane Goreans, but...

Wow, I was hoping I'd never hear the word again after meeting my last Gorean. Seriously... issues. Any ideal based on those crappy books, and the desires of fictional insect priest kings who rule over a fictional planet orbiting exactly opposite ours... *facepalm*

Before you go living your life around some crazy philosophy, make sure that you take notice of which section of the library it's in. Anyhow, that's my tiny rant on the subject.

If there's one thing anyone who is here should take from this rant it's this. Introducing yourself as a Gorean to most people in the real world BDSM community, is akin to proclaiming yourself to be a 70th level ranger at a fencing tournament. You might not get made fun of for it, but the first thing that comes to mind is "Oh no... another of those."

 

Oh, Christ on a cracker! I can't believe I missed that. No kidding, If I had a dollar for every capital "T" True dom or submissive I've met, who hadn't ever played before... swinging a cheaply made crop and shouting insults at everyone. *shrug*

Then again, it's not a matter of experience or equipment at all. There was this one person at the Adult Entertainment Expo after party last year, who decided that she could order me to get drinks... *sigh* I'm pretty sure the person was just trying to show off for nearby eye candy, but I'm also certain that this person has been around long enough to know better than to make such assumptions.

This raises another interesting point that all tops can learn from: "Don't make wild assumptions" Oh... also: "Know the difference between being Dominant, and being a Douche."

I suppose I'm in a ranty mood tonight, and that I keep going off track. *ahem*

Thanks for clearing that up for me ecesis, I completely agree.

 

I like what you said about it being a choice and a gift. It's a precious gift that can be taken away at any moment if not handled properly, I might add.

 

very true.

...is giggling at "handled properly"

 

Yes, both literally and figuratively. But I'm being handled pretty well so far. I have some mighty fine bruises on my ass right now to prove it. :excited:

Speaking of which, I don't think you can have a Dom who's not really into it, not even in the bedroom. I can't imagine getting thrashed with a whip or riding crop by someone with no grace or skill. Ack! I think it comes naturally to some people or it just doesn't come at all. I think some guys like the idea of whipping a girl, but it's not really in them. It's like how some people can dance and some people just can't. And some are just lame fucks period. Lol.

 

i was thinking about the whole Gorean thing, and i finally pinned it down. it was bothering me, because i was thinking to myself "i'm a kinkster, i should be tolerant of other kinks, within reasonable boundaries." but then i realized that i don't consider it to be within reasonable boundaries.

my issue with Goreanism (is -ism right?) is the same problem i have with people who say "a TRUE Dom/sub/slave etc..." - they're telling me what i should be doing, what is apparently correct and somehow better... they're saying "this IS the way it should be."

when i'm into something, fetish-wise, it's my fetish and my choice. i might talk about how awesome it is, but it isn't something i impose on others; i present it as MY fetish, not as the natural order of things or as something everyone should do. if it floats their boat, sure, but it's up to them. It's mu understanding (although perhaps i am mistaken) that Goreans believe it's the natural order for women to submit to men. and like i've previously stated, my submission is my choice and my gift. and what is natural for me may not be so for others.

 

You have pretty much nailed it. Now I've heard of Goreans who don't act that way, but never met them. Most Goreans I've met don't even consider themselves to be part of the BDSM crowd. In fact, all I've heard from the few who have "lowered" themselves enough to come out to a munch is how they've got it all figured out, and we don't understand True slavery, etc.

 

I have never heard of a "Gorean." Perhaps I should Google that. Lol. I don't know. I'm just a person who likes to have sex with my boyfriend. Does that mean I have to label myself as something or become part of some "lifestyle" or "counterculture" or join some kind of club or something? Shit. I'm just a person who likes to fuck. What the fuck????

 

we're more a community of dirty minded people who like to fuck.

 

It is a way of life. To submit to my man in every aspect of my life. He is the man and thus he is in control. He should be respected and honoured.

 

To Be Dominated - What it Means to me

Firstly let me say, i echo everything You have said. There are times when i just want to be treated roughly just for the physical thrills, but the creative mental game that is played, is what really sends me into orbit, LOL.

Refining my behavior to be more of an extension of my Master's desires, that is the juice for me. The realization of what my owner/Master is making of me, is an aphrodasiac. Teaching me to go beyond my capabilites and then liking it. My goal is to be so attuned to my Master/owner's thoughts, that i can take appropriate action intuitively, gracefully, and instantly in any situation, even in public. Thanks You for asking for my response, truly "v"

 

Both are simply polar opposites of the same thing to me. Both partners must TRULY desire their respective role. IMO, the whole dom/sub dicotomy is worthless if one partner adopts a given role simply to please the other. There is obviously plenty of people who do this and I suppose it's more often a case of women trying to keep their men happy than the other way around. If that works for them, fair enough. I just don't enjoy doing ANYTHING sexually unless i'm damn sure my partner is receiving equal enjoyment from it. Open and uninhibited communication is key for me which is why i'm rarely comfortable taking on any role unless i've got a good rapport with someone.



I consider myself a switch, but I strongly lean towards the sub side of things. Both my submissive and dominant kinks/fetishes are relatively mild I think. As for my sub side, i'm mostly into verbal/humiliation, teasing, foot worship, golden showers, "goddess role playing" and spanking. I have been cuckholded before too and found the experience a bit anti-climatic (in the figurative sense;-))


I have been thinking about "kicking things up a notch" though.


I'd like to get trampled for one thing and i've had some hot fantasies about CBT too.

Not sure if i'd want to try CBT in reality though....the family jewels may not suffer such ill-treatment gladly:lol:



As far as my dominant side...I enjoy a little verbal humiliation/degradation, tickling (especially feet ofcourse:excited light spanking, hair-pulling and that's about it.


I consider giving anal (with my cock, fingers, or toys) a dominant act as well and like many guys, that's a biggie for me.

 

personally i do not believe dominant or submissive personalities are primarily a question of sexuality, they are merely displayed fully during sex, as it is a moment without inhibitions, ewen do the original causes are surely sexual
but a dominant person is simply dominant, and few even tend to act dominating or imposing in everyday life, which can be really annoying, or it can be amazing, depending on a lot of things

in my opinion a dominant person is recognizable from the moment one sees and talks to him/her
this is especially true for women
the way a person stands, walks, sits, uses her voice, interacts with others, its usually rather obvious
this is for me a dominant person, weather that person is completely vanilla or a lifestyle dome, is irrelevant

but since many people seem to describe dominance in the context of sub-dom relationships, that is in the sexual aspects, which includes the role of the one giving pain, punishment, etc... this brings the logical question; - is sadism a key part of being the one in the dominant role, if we are talking about a sub-dom relationship or lifestyle, or just recreational or professional domination?
this is usually referred to as "making sure the partner is enjoying it" or that his/hers "needs are met"
obviously this makes sense if the partner is submissive and/or masochist
but still this also means the dominant partner is or at least acts as a sadist

so honestly, how much of sexual dominance is made up of sadism?

 

THANK GOD AND GODDESS!!!

 

Hopefully none! My bf told me that he does enjoy the feeling of dominance, but he would never want to actually hurt me or do something I wouldn't enjoy. If he accidentally hurts me in a way I don't want or hurts me too much he's like, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!!!" and freaks out more than I do. It's all for MY pleasure and satisfaction as well as his. I was the one who asked him for bdsm in the first place and I told him he better bring it. So he did, because he knows I love it and even expect it, not because he's a sadist. Being a sadist is totally different because it means really wanting to hurt people, something my bf would never want to do to me.

As far as men really wanting to dominate women in real life or women really wanting to submit to them, I think it's still just a game. (If it's not, then it's really messed up.) All these women who say they love being subordinate to their men at all times are full of shit because if they had to be alive in this country in the year 1800, when women really were treated like crap FOR REAL, they probably wouldn't like it very much AND they would not have the freedom to explore all these weird little kinks they have OR the freedom of speech to flap their jaws about it.

If you're a TS, understand that the feminist movement and everything related to it is ultimately the only reason why you were able to have that surgery (or play dress-up). In the absence of a movement that challenges gender stereotypes, something like a sex change would be unthinkable, as it was before.

Sorry that was long but I had to get all that out of my system. Thank you.

 

Where are all the doms?

In this thread, I think we've heard from more subs than doms, especially lately. (Ironic, isn't it? We're awfully chatty for a bunch of subordinate women. And men. ) I'm curious to hear more from the dom perspective, male or female, but I'm especially curious to hear from straight male doms.

 

What else would you like to know?

 

I think you've already said a lot. Your story was riveting. It's obvious that you truly love and care for your wife. However, I'm more interested in bdsm as sex play rather than a lifestyle. I think I'm too independent to adopt being submissive as a lifestyle. At the same time, I wouldn't want to be somebody's dom either. Sounds like too much work, and I don't think I'd get any satisfaction out of it.

The lifestyle part both fascinates and confuses me. I still don't get it. What does it MEAN when you say that you're your wife's dom? Like, does she always have to ask for your permission before doing anything? Does she never go against your wishes? What if she wanted to do something...anything...like dye her hair a different color let's say....and you thought it was a bad idea? Would you tell her No? If you did say No, would she absolutely obey you or would she maybe go ahead and do it anyway? What if she DID do it anyway? I'm just using this an example because I don't understand. I'm very confused. Perhaps you could clarify a little further.

Thanks.

 

Wow, sounds like you have a lot of questions. I'll answer them all either tomorrow or when I get back from Albuquerque on Monday. (probably the latter)

In regards to sex play, is there anything specific you want to know or are you more concerned with generalities right now? Let me say that for me, and for some other people I know that sex and BDSM play aren't always combined. I've even met a few people who refuse to combine them at all. (and then there's pro doms who can't legally include sex in their play)

Of course, I always enjoy the sensation and emotion of play, whether there is sex involved or not. It is fun to fuck, but sometimes everyone gets off just fine without sex. Even amongst those I know who always combine sex and BDSM, the BDSM play is the focus, rather than just the foreplay.

Anyway, hate to gloss over that bit so fast, but I wanted to write something before I climbed into bed. I'll get to the rest soon.

Good night,
AR