How many Africans does it take to shingle a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.
​

 

Peter Andre has said that life with Jordan was a constant battle.

He said "She always got really irritable whenever her vibrator ran out of diesel."

 

nice

 

That Tesco Direct advert is ridiculous!

I mean, a teenage boy letting his Dad use his computer without having to 'quickly check something first' before he uses it, bullshit.

 

I know how these poor buggers in Haiti feel. Last time I had 30 aftershocks I couldn't find my fucking house either!

View attachment

 

How many Haitian's died?
Not enough!

 

That's not funny.

Dick.

 

How many Diamond Jades are there on XNXX?

One too many...

 

That is fucking class.:excited:

 

You're in love wae me, aren't you Rich!

 

It was tragically sick.

Cunt.

 

The clue is in the title... jokes, ergo funny to at least one person, not including yourself.

Dick.

 

As the OP you deem it necessary to decide what is and what isn't funny? Nice try.

Cunt.

 

Read my comment. Should be funny to at least one person, not including yourself.

Dick.

 

How do you get 40 Jews in a Mini?

Two in front, two in the back and the rest in the ashtray...

 

Heed your words.

Cunt.

 

Burnt Jews are funny, but mention the Haitians and all hell breaks loose. Look in the mirror HypocriticalHarry before you judge.

 

Offending and creating outrage by posting an offensive/outrageous joke. Not by posting something that has no humerous intention, only 'shock' value.

Dick.

Edit: I joked about them you idiot. The Jew joke is humerous, whether you deem to like it or not.

 

Obviously my joke was successful in creating outrage by being offensive. Whether you like it or not, I win.

Sod off CUNT!

 

Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.



one day a sex maniac women and her 3 boyfriends go on a plane to washington...the plane goes down and they are the only ones to survive...she has to have sex so they each have a week with her..3 years they did this on the island they landed on...in the 4th year she died... all three men are okay at first but after a month it starts to get bad... after 3 months it gets REALLY BAD... and after 7 months it is unbearable... so they decide to just bury her!!!!!



Two hicks, Rob and Tim, are planning on a hunting trip the next morning. Tim goes home and gets a good night's sleep, and Rob decides to go out partying.

Early the next morning, a bright-eyed Tim and a hungover Rob set out on their trip into the forest. Once they get settled, Rob begins whining and bitching about how bad he hurts, and how nauseated he is. Tim puts up with it for a while, but gives in to his anger, and an argument ensues.

Later in the evening, the two wouldn't talk to each other. They stayed silent, though managing to kill and retrieve a large deer. After bringing it back to the truck, Rob mumbles "i'm gonna find somewhere to shit. i'll be back", and leaves Tim to clean the animal.

A half hour later, a very irritated Tim sits in the driver's seat of the truck, laying on the horn and nearly foaming at the mouth. The deer is cleaned and tied down, and he just wants to leave, but there is no sign of Rob.

Tim leaves the truck, and starts poking around the woods. When he finds Rob, he's passed out on his side in the squatting position with his pants around his ankles and a small pile of crap at his feet. Enraged at his friend's stupidity, Tim decides to play a joke. He runs back to the truck, grabs the remaining animal intestines, runs back to his friend's makeshift latrine, and dumps an armload of the stinking, rotting, bloody onto the small pile of crap. Nearly overwhelmed by the smell, Tim runs behind a few bushes and throws a stick at Rob to wake him up. Tim watches as Rob begins to stir, and quietly, Tim crouches down and runs quickly back to the truck.

About 15 minutes later, Tim sees Rob hobbling back to the truck, white as a sheet, and has to stifle his laughing.
Tim looks calmly at Rob as he says, "Dude. You look like you just shit your guts out!"

Rob looks back at him with a look of horror as he says,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Dude, I did, but with the grace of God, and THESE TWO FINGERS, I shoved them all back in again."