• planning for story of dream
  
  in this story, there is something called the new age. the new age is when a group of vigilantes who think the govenrment is complety corrupt and plan to stage a coup and battle ovr position of the govt and wut to do with it, the best thing about them is tht they are only range from the ages of 13-18. I was only 8 at the time and my older brother and my best friends brother fought in the coup. they told us how the govt was corrupt and ineffiecient, later on we believed them and whenever the time came, were taught to fight. handling a gun, hand to hand, and observational fighting were our best fighting skills, but we were too young to fight in the upcoming coup, so we were only backup. the rest of the team got together and staged the coup right under the white house, supreme court and the monuments. we blew up the floors with c4 and jumped out and shot everyone they saw. but we had a secret weapon to anhilalate evey one last one of them. we had a genious kid prodigy on our side and he designed a nuke tht wouldn't damage the area bombed forever like the one in japan. we set the nuke in the oval office itself, and they drove underground 10 miles to the safe bunker, but not before setting up obstacles for the soldiers and secret service tht were bound to come after us. to call it close is a stretch, they barely made it back 30 seconds before it went off. everyone had to lock all openings, and we rushed like fucking hell! we finished up 5 seconds before it blew. after those 5 sec were up, we heard the explosion become so loud, all the way in Washington it was heard. in the following week, we did the same thing to every governmental place in the U.S. it was the start of a new age. the age of teenagers.
  *
  8 yrs later
  
  in the middle of the desert you see a car and if you look even closer you see a kid who can't be more than 16 driving. the kid is me. im michael. I hav longer than normal mophead type hair and a face void of blemishes and completly expressionless as if I'm meditating. if you search my face you will see a long face due to years of sadness and depression, peach fuzz and sunglasses. in this new age, driving is mandatory, because we fixed the problem of oil and gas by replacing alll the good cars with super powered solar panels so we don't need to worry about polution. only the founders of the new age got the prilege of gas. we took all the gas we could find and put it into the very beat cars ever built, including Ferraris, lambourghinis, mustangs and cadillacs. depending on ur rank in the teen govt, u got a different car. I was currently 1st in ranking, along with my best friend, antonio, so we got lambo's. now, Antonio was different in all sense of the word. he dressed like he was from the hood, but even hough he wasn't, thts where he spent most of his time, befriending and finding more teens tht have been abused and want*to fight the corruptness the adults have started to bring up again. so basically, he's the commander for our army. anyways, me and antonio *decided that for our 16th bdays, we take a cross country road trip to vegas. of course we could've done this anytime we felt like but we were saving this opportunity for something special. we were planning, keyword is PlAN, on getting laid. well, me really. Antonio gets a new girl every couple weeks. he's more of a wham-bam-thank you mam type of dude. I'm looking for a chick thts hot and actually understands what I've been through and going through. so we meet up with each other halfway to Vegas and find a bunch of punks boasting about their cars, we decide to show then what real drag racing is.*
  " ready? on ur marks, get set......... GO!"
  says te busty blond acting as the line judge or whatever shit tht is.
  me and Antonio decide to let them think they're winning. with me having the best car in the world, I shift it into high gear and pour on the noz at the same time; and because of my modified engine, I went up to 590 miles an hour, not my best but still enough for me to shoot forward past the finish and keep going, bagwell second by a nano second, and with the aftershock of our modified cars, their engines shut down and took them an extra half hour before they crawled to thefinish.*
  "HA! suck on tht bitches!"*
  "WHOO! oh yea, thts wut I'm talking about may brother!" this is of course me and tony (antonio) yelling back to them after we kicked their punk asees so bad they'll never be the same, but I had to slow down a bit so tht me and Tony were crusing at the same speed.*
  "so wut we doing when we get there" said Tony
  "dude, it's Vegas! were gonna go and gamble til we got almost no more money left. next were gonna scam the people till we hve twice a much money. finally we gonna go to the best stripper club in Vegas, 'fantasy girls.'" of course when I say stirpper club, screw the adults, the hot foxy girls are where the money's at. you see, in the age of the teenagers, we got rid of most all age prejudiced laws the adults made. these inlcude all sex laws, driving, jobs and govt. the only law we made was tht their be no prostitutes, and raping is still illegal. so, it was completly legal for girls,*just the age of 14 to be strippers, or doctors or whatever they wanted. same with dudes. jobs in general were not a problem, because we developed a chip tht contained the perfect knowledge for each job to be done without mistake. except for strippers, tht was just skill, thankfully there were alot who had skill.
  
  (I'm gonna skip the gambling and other shit because I'm sure people want to get *on with the strippers)
  
  when we were all done with the gambling and scams, we arrive at the "fantasy girls". like all clubs, it's dark, lights are blaring and theirs a bar. oh yeah, alchohol is legal for evyone as teens, and if u take a pill, ur liver never gets damaged and if u forget for a while it restores the liver. it was a fairly small club, there were only 20 5ft in diameter circular tabels all placed randomnly in the room. reaching to the ceiling in each table was a stripper pole, slick, shiny and ready for dancing.
  "hey dude, I'm gonna check this place out," i said, "go and get high or somethin." I go to the bar for a miller draft. (classics never get old) and start to head towards the back. a security guard stops me and says,
  "performers only. no exceptions"
  "thts right, is it now? well for starters, I can have u fired. two, I hav seniority and three I have a pass"
  "go on in" he says. hah, security people are stupid, but they are a help.*
  I open the door and all it is is a hallway with doors. I walk down and back, spotting a couple doors tht I think are worth something. I leave them a note telling them my table, and some cash. finally Im walking back and I hear the sexy music starting to play and I rush back to my seat and let the parade of girls commence.
  
  "to start the night off is an all time favorite, candy. she loves lollipops and I think you all know wut I'm saying." (to save time I'm only gonna describe main ones thtll be in later stories.)
  the dj starts playing lolli lolli (pop that body) by three 6 mafia. and throughout her performance I have to admit, she was pretty good for a girl of only 15*
  "next we have a newcomer, and I'll welcome you all to put your hands together fooooor cherry........" as he said her name, she walked seductively onyo the stage and to tony's table. he's sitting there, drunk and a buzzed but thankfully for him I have a video camera built into my eye... for surveillance reasons.... and to spy on chicks. so as I'm watching, it's recording and sending the video file to an email account so private it isn't even connected to the Internet, I had to create a whole new Internet for me and other special individuals. cherry starts to climb the pole and dances on it for about half the song. she then gets off, takes her clothes off leaving her in only her bra and panties. she's a 34B as I can see from the tag and on her underwear says, "ten bux for every lap dance (in the front), free in private,(on her ass)" speaking of her ass, it was perfectly shaped, and jutted out from her black lacy satin thong she was wearing! she begins another entrancing dance to 'where you at-Ray J', and almost immediatley, tony gets up, grabs her titties from behind and slips 50$ in her bra. he whispers,
  "let's dance u hot ass piece of cherry pie"
  so they begin grinding so hard it looked like the bulge in tony's pants were about to bust open and slide into her pussy and they'll fuck right in tht table. and the final song ended, they began making out lustfully, before she was dragged back, but not before she slipped her real name and phone number on a slip of paper.*
  "call me," she whispers into his ear. he comes over to me and says,*
  "dude, she is a FUCKIN babe!" he whispers loudly into my ear,
  and yep, I can smell the booze and marijuana on him.
  "up next is a twin performance from fate and destiny!" he yells out, his voice fading inti the background as 'and I love you-rich boy' starts playin. they start fondling each others titties and grabbing each others pussies, and they finally break away, much to the disappointment of all the guys dicks. and the girls start dancing to the time of the song, practically on every bass line you hear, they are moving. and THANK GOD they hve nothing on other than a white, sleeveless tshirt and pink silk panties so throughout the song, their boobs are bouncing up and down. towards the end, they take off their shirts and you see their boobs bounce free out of their cotton shirt prison. they each take one of the others nipples and start sucking on them. they continue this fir another couple seconds and they arrange themselves into a 69 position and start licking each others pussies through the now soaking panties of the two girls. they finish and now all the guys in the room have a boner.*
  "coming to the end of our party tonight is dreamer, so please feel free to walk around as we set the stage for the last two performances" GODDAMN! if the last two performances are just a good or even better than the last one, I'm *gonna have a problem. *

​

​

in this story, there is something called the new age. the new age is when a group of vigilantes who think the govenrment is complety corrupt and plan to stage a coup and battle ovr position of the govt and wut to do with it, the best thing about them is tht they are only range from the ages of 13-18. I was only 8 at the time and my older brother and my best friends brother fought in the coup. they told us how the govt was corrupt and ineffiecient, later on we believed them and whenever the time came, were taught to fight. handling a gun, hand to hand, and observational fighting were our best fighting skills, but we were too young to fight in the upcoming coup, so we were only backup. the rest of the team got together and staged the coup right under the white house, supreme court and the monuments. we blew up the floors with c4 and jumped out and shot everyone they saw. but we had a secret weapon to anhilalate evey one last one of them. we had a genious kid prodigy on our side and he designed a nuke tht wouldn't damage the area bombed forever like the one in japan. we set the nuke in the oval office itself, and they drove underground 10 miles to the safe bunker, but not before setting up obstacles for the soldiers and secret service tht were bound to come after us. to call it close is a stretch, they barely made it back 30 seconds before it went off. everyone had to lock all openings, and we rushed like fucking hell! we finished up 5 seconds before it blew. after those 5 sec were up, we heard the explosion become so loud, all the way in Washington it was heard. in the following week, we did the same thing to every governmental place in the U.S. it was the start of a new age. the age of teenagers.
*
8 yrs later

in the middle of the desert you see a car and if you look even closer you see a kid who can't be more than 16 driving. the kid is me. im michael. I hav longer than normal mophead type hair and a face void of blemishes and completly expressionless as if I'm meditating. if you search my face you will see a long face due to years of sadness and depression, peach fuzz and sunglasses. in this new age, driving is mandatory, because we fixed the problem of oil and gas by replacing alll the good cars with super powered solar panels so we don't need to worry about polution. only the founders of the new age got the prilege of gas. we took all the gas we could find and put it into the very beat cars ever built, including Ferraris, lambourghinis, mustangs and cadillacs. depending on ur rank in the teen govt, u got a different car. I was currently 1st in ranking, along with my best friend, antonio, so we got lambo's. now, Antonio was different in all sense of the word. he dressed like he was from the hood, but even hough he wasn't, thts where he spent most of his time, befriending and finding more teens tht have been abused and want*to fight the corruptness the adults have started to bring up again. so basically, he's the commander for our army. anyways, me and antonio *decided that for our 16th bdays, we take a cross country road trip to vegas. of course we could've done this anytime we felt like but we were saving this opportunity for something special. we were planning, keyword is PlAN, on getting laid. well, me really. Antonio gets a new girl every couple weeks. he's more of a wham-bam-thank you mam type of dude. I'm looking for a chick thts hot and actually understands what I've been through and going through. so we meet up with each other halfway to Vegas and find a bunch of punks boasting about their cars, we decide to show then what real drag racing is.*
" ready? on ur marks, get set......... GO!"
says te busty blond acting as the line judge or whatever shit tht is.
me and Antonio decide to let them think they're winning. with me having the best car in the world, I shift it into high gear and pour on the noz at the same time; and because of my modified engine, I went up to 590 miles an hour, not my best but still enough for me to shoot forward past the finish and keep going, bagwell second by a nano second, and with the aftershock of our modified cars, their engines shut down and took them an extra half hour before they crawled to thefinish.*
"HA! suck on tht bitches!"*
"WHOO! oh yea, thts wut I'm talking about may brother!" this is of course me and tony (antonio) yelling back to them after we kicked their punk asees so bad they'll never be the same, but I had to slow down a bit so tht me and Tony were crusing at the same speed.*
"so wut we doing when we get there" said Tony
"dude, it's Vegas! were gonna go and gamble til we got almost no more money left. next were gonna scam the people till we hve twice a much money. finally we gonna go to the best stripper club in Vegas, 'fantasy girls.'" of course when I say stirpper club, screw the adults, the hot foxy girls are where the money's at. you see, in the age of the teenagers, we got rid of most all age prejudiced laws the adults made. these inlcude all sex laws, driving, jobs and govt. the only law we made was tht their be no prostitutes, and raping is still illegal. so, it was completly legal for girls,*just the age of 14 to be strippers, or doctors or whatever they wanted. same with dudes. jobs in general were not a problem, because we developed a chip tht contained the perfect knowledge for each job to be done without mistake. except for strippers, tht was just skill, thankfully there were alot who had skill.

(I'm gonna skip the gambling and other shit because I'm sure people want to get *on with the strippers)

when we were all done with the gambling and scams, we arrive at the "fantasy girls". like all clubs, it's dark, lights are blaring and theirs a bar. oh yeah, alchohol is legal for evyone as teens, and if u take a pill, ur liver never gets damaged and if u forget for a while it restores the liver. it was a fairly small club, there were only 20 5ft in diameter circular tabels all placed randomnly in the room. reaching to the ceiling in each table was a stripper pole, slick, shiny and ready for dancing.
"hey dude, I'm gonna check this place out," i said, "go and get high or somethin." I go to the bar for a miller draft. (classics never get old) and start to head towards the back. a security guard stops me and says,
"performers only. no exceptions"
"thts right, is it now? well for starters, I can have u fired. two, I hav seniority and three I have a pass"
"go on in" he says. hah, security people are stupid, but they are a help.*
I open the door and all it is is a hallway with doors. I walk down and back, spotting a couple doors tht I think are worth something. I leave them a note telling them my table, and some cash. finally Im walking back and I hear the sexy music starting to play and I rush back to my seat and let the parade of girls commence.

"to start the night off is an all time favorite, candy. she loves lollipops and I think you all know wut I'm saying." (to save time I'm only gonna describe main ones thtll be in later stories.)
the dj starts playing lolli lolli (pop that body) by three 6 mafia. and throughout her performance I have to admit, she was pretty good for a girl of only 15*
"next we have a newcomer, and I'll welcome you all to put your hands together fooooor cherry........" as he said her name, she walked seductively onyo the stage and to tony's table. he's sitting there, drunk and a buzzed but thankfully for him I have a video camera built into my eye... for surveillance reasons.... and to spy on chicks. so as I'm watching, it's recording and sending the video file to an email account so private it isn't even connected to the Internet, I had to create a whole new Internet for me and other special individuals. cherry starts to climb the pole and dances on it for about half the song. she then gets off, takes her clothes off leaving her in only her bra and panties. she's a 34B as I can see from the tag and on her underwear says, "ten bux for every lap dance (in the front), free in private,(on her ass)" speaking of her ass, it was perfectly shaped, and jutted out from her black lacy satin thong she was wearing! she begins another entrancing dance to 'where you at-Ray J', and almost immediatley, tony gets up, grabs her titties from behind and slips 50$ in her bra. he whispers,
"let's dance u hot ass piece of cherry pie"
so they begin grinding so hard it looked like the bulge in tony's pants were about to bust open and slide into her pussy and they'll fuck right in tht table. and the final song ended, they began making out lustfully, before she was dragged back, but not before she slipped her real name and phone number on a slip of paper.*
"call me," she whispers into his ear. he comes over to me and says,*
"dude, she is a FUCKIN babe!" he whispers loudly into my ear,
and yep, I can smell the booze and marijuana on him.
"up next is a twin performance from fate and destiny!" he yells out, his voice fading inti the background as 'and I love you-rich boy' starts playin. they start fondling each others titties and grabbing each others pussies, and they finally break away, much to the disappointment of all the guys dicks. and the girls start dancing to the time of the song, practically on every bass line you hear, they are moving. and THANK GOD they hve nothing on other than a white, sleeveless tshirt and pink silk panties so throughout the song, their boobs are bouncing up and down. towards the end, they take off their shirts and you see their boobs bounce free out of their cotton shirt prison. they each take one of the others nipples and start sucking on them. they continue this fir another couple seconds and they arrange themselves into a 69 position and start licking each others pussies through the now soaking panties of the two girls. they finish and now all the guys in the room have a boner.*
"coming to the end of our party tonight is dreamer, so please feel free to walk around as we set the stage for the last two performances" GODDAMN! if the last two performances are just a good or even better than the last one, I'm *gonna have a problem. *

 

shit I apologize for posting it twice

 

That's OK, for a 12yr old you did pretty good.

 

i honestly couldnt finish it. im sorry. where to start? the spelling was atrocious, you use street slang which i dont want to see in a story, and honestly, how can kids ranging from the age 13 to 18 take out an entire government, solve the gas crisis, and invent all these miracle items. pills that heal the liver, bio-nukes, and super powered solar panels. i mean, srsly? i've read stories about vampire and aliens that were easier to believe then this. agreed with L. for a 12 year old, it was pretty good.

 

the opinion of a wanna be writer

as for the kids taking over part, if you could unite all the gangs in every major city then it might happen but its not very damn likely. you could use that as a base for the story and bring it up from there.

the inventive stuff, its apparent that you have a very vivid immagination, but if you said that they came from a group of scientists that the government had buried all their research then it would be more believable.

focus more on developing the plot and you could have a very good story on your hands, who knows you might even be able to get it published. i would def read the book if it came out.

 

there are too many grammatical errors. But I see where your story is going. Kids with no scientific background, or general sense of the world destroy all of the government forms, and raise up some society run by teenagers.

Start off by getting the type-o's out of the story. Then maybe give a better idea of the character's backgrounds. Ex: how can they drive at whatever age...or all of this subject jumping. Move a bit slower through your story.

 

That was a good read.

 

absolutly gold! hahaha

 

great

 

Its alright I guess, fix the grammar and lay it out better.