This little scaredy cat is in need of advice...

A little history first:
I met a man last year while on Christmas vacation. We hit it off & there was this strong attraction. When the holiday was over I returned to my home town 2100km away from him.

As soon as I met this man I decided that I would throw away my inhibitions. I didn't want to have any with him.
I wanted to do whatever I could do to make sex hot & fun & electric.

We kept in touch via MSN & facebook. There was a lot of "sexting". And sharing stories & fantasies... It was really hot especially considering we were so far apart.
We talked about our first time having sex.. How it would be. I was returning to my old home town (where he lives) in the summer and I would be having a birthday BBQ. I figured what would be crazy hot for our first time was to sneek away from the BBQ & take a walk up to the back of the field (I had grown up on a farm - so lots of fields & trees) and take have him take me for the first time behind an old apple tree. Happy Birthday to me. ;-)
Well - turns out I had tyo make a trip back home earlier than that & we met up & had sex for the first time then but the birthday BBQ apple tree sex was still on....

My birthday came & he showed up & I took him up into the field & behind that big old apple tree he fucked me. OH my god it was crazy hot! My choice to throw away my inhibitions was a good one indeed.

Since then he has pulled off on to the side of the road & had me suck his cock until he came. We have had quickies & still lots of sexting. We have vaginal, oral & anal sex. If there were any other holes - I would let him have them. I love having sex with this man. It feel so incredible.
He doesn't have loads of time to spare & he is not my boyfriend... just a "man friend" so we really only get together about once a month. :-(

He works for this guy, I will call him X.
I used to babysit X... I babysat him from four months to 9 years old. Then I moved away & visited him when I came home. This is how I met my "man friend".
The boy I babysat is in a wheel chair & needs 24/7 care. Now that boy is a man. 23 years old.
And one day my man friend said what he would really like is to have sex with me in front of X.
He would like to have sex with me while I was bent over X's chair sucking X's cock....
OK - fantasy - I can play along.. but nope. Not fantasy. He really really wants this.
I said no. Way too ackward. X is like family. I changed his diapers. My man friend made a really good "logical" argument for his case & I tiold him I would think about it. I did & I decided I wasn't going to do it.

Just too ackward. I know I said I was going to throw my inhibitions aside but turns out they are still with me...
In time tough.. I hadn't seen my man friend in a while & I was desperate for him. I really needed him but he was working over night at X's. The only way I was going to see him was if I met him there.
So I did. I told him I wasn't going to have sex in front of X though. But when I got there & my man friend kissed my - oh .... I just needed him so bad... anyway I ended up having sex with him in front of X.
And it was hot.
I came so hard I cried. I have never done that before.
I spent most of the time just pretending X wasn't there.

The precident has been set now. I will do something I said I would definately not do. I survived it. And it was hot. Very.

So next time I get to see my man friend is under the same circumstances. At X's. In front of X.
This tme though - my man friend pushes the situation a little father. The sex is a little less discrete. And X is closer to us this time....
At one point when I have my breasts squeezed around my man friend's cock he takes my hand & guides it to X's cock.
My mind is reeling & I think - "Oh my god! Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god! I am giving X a hand job."
And I am giving one to my man friend as well.... (without two hands to keep my breasts wrapped around my man friend's cock the tit fuck turned into a hand job for him)...
I can not believe I am doing this. And as much as I feel like I don't really want to - I continue. I am not even half assing it. I am really doing this.
Then my man friend starts to not so gently guide my head over to X's cock. He REALLY really wants me to suck X while he fucks me.
I drew the line & said stop it.
He stopped...
X didn't cum.
And my man friend & I went back to our twosome in front of X...
Less ackward than the first time but still ackward.
Remember I changed this kid's diaper. And here I am acting like some porn star whore in front of a live audience....

So now I really really do not feel right about sucking X's cock. I don't want to do it. My man friend really wants to & I have crossed my lines before as evidenced in the history above.
I know that it is hot. I can appreciate the fantasy of it.
I fantasize about two men taking me all of the time.
I have made aout with two guys at once when I was 21. I know it is HOT!
He knows I have done this & I have the fantasies...
I know the X thing will come up again (no pun intended).
I am so conflicted.
I want so much to please this man.
I want to not be conflicted.
I want to be able to just take X's cock in my mouth & have my man friend fuck me from behind and have it be no big deal but I get this knot in the bottom of my stomach when I think about doing that for him.
It is such a cliche, I know, but I feel dirty thinking about it. I feel like people will know & that they will look at me & think "what a dirty whore". Stupid I know.

I worry that he is just trying to see how far he can get me to go & when he gets tired of me... ..
When I bring it up he tells me to relax. It is no big deal. No one will know. I am being a prude....

There is all of that - then there is the side of me that likes being a little submissive. Likes being pushed and I don't know if my reluctance to play out this threesome fantasy of his is just me playing into my submissive fantasy - waiting for him to take charge & make me do it.

I don't know. The knot in the bottom of my stomach tells me that it is more likely just the ackward nature of it & the fear of being thought of as a dirty slut.

Stupid labels. Why are they drileld into us from such a young age? Why do we feel shame when trying to experiment with sex & please a man friend?

As much as I am willing to do for my man friend and as much as I want to please him - I still have to be OK with who I am when it is all said and done.

I just don't know what I am going to do. Any tips or tricks?
Anyone else have a reluctance to go through with something that you ended up doing to please another? How did it turn out? Did you end up hating yourself or feeling freeer for going for it?

 

Sorry for the typos.. tried to fix them but XNXX said I ran out of time & it was to late to edit my post.

 

Whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. There's no point in dwelling on what's happened in the past, or feeling regret about it. Someone I can't remember said it best: everything you do is positive, even if it negates something you did previously.

Generally speaking, though, I've always been glad I did something that I was initially reluctant to do, and had to be talked into doing. That's a process of overcoming fear, overcoming inhibitions, and it's a healthy thing...or at least it us up to the point that you surrender your own will to someone else.

 

In The Netherlands, disabled people receive an allowance that can go towards payment of a sex worker (prostitute etc.). I have lots of links in the Dutch language and even found this from the New York Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/1992/08/04/news/04iht-sex_.html?pagewanted=1

Thinskin

 

Good bit of advise. I have to second that one. Not saying GO FOR IT.. but saying that sometimes in life we let our Minds get the better of us.. Over thinking things and not letting life flow.

Good luck with your relationship and I hope the fact he gets turned on by pushing your limits is not going to ruin what appears to be a good relationship

Lix

 

Just to clarify a point.... I have since moved back home and we are no longer a half a country away.

 

If you don't want to do dirty things with X, then stick with the no means NO protocol. Hell, tell your fuck buddy to get X a hooker if his getting some is that important to him.
Seems most of the advice your going to get here is to just go for it, what do you expect we wouldn't be on this forum if we weren't sex lovers, but look through some of the threads round this place and there's alot of talk about fucking family. Personally I wouldn't fuck family or anyone "like" family to me (aint gonna hold anything against anyone that does, just not my thing) on the grounds that it simply isn't what turns me on.
Having inhibitions isn't the worst thing in the world. There's tons of other kinky shit you and your fuck buddy can do together to keep the spice going strong. But I can understand not wanting to get dirty someone who's diapers you changed, and if your fuck buddy cant understand it then you may need a new one.

 

The issue here is that it's not fair to fuck your buddy in front of X if you aren't going to do anything to him...unless he just likes it. Something you can, and should do, is sit down with both X and your fuck buddy and explain that you don't mind having sex in front of X, but that you just aren't comfortable with having sex with X because he feels too much like family. There are sometimes when you need to screw it all and just go with the flow, but there are some times when you just need to stick your ground. As much as you've had sex in front of X and clearly stated that you didn't want to do anything with him, it is obvious that this is one place where it'll be ok for you to stand your ground. If both X and your fuck buddy don't like that, then go find yourself someone who will respect your opinion.

And to be respectful, if your fuck buddy says "ok" and doesn't push the matter, make sure it's ok with X that he gets to watch but not touch. Just make clear to both of them that while you will push your boundaries a lot of times, there are some lines that you just refuse to cross. They need to respect that. If they can't, move on to someone who can.

 

Has X ever had anything done sexually? Maybe your man friend wants him to have a good time.

Noone is going to know what you have done, so I would say go with it but if you don't want to, just make it clear to your man friend and if he was half decent he would accept that.

 

Tell him that you'll suck off his friend after he sucks off his friend. Then you'll know how committed he is to getting his friend off.

Don't let anybody coerce you into doing anything you don't want to do. If he cares about you as much as you seem to care about him, he'll respect your wishes.

 

FUCK, lol.

Have him suck off his friend without using his hands, finish him off to completion. Swallow it all you fucking fuck. Then and only then do you decide to actually suck X off. It will show where your fuck buddy's priorities are

 

Thanks for the advice folks.
I still do don't know which way I am going to go with this though.
I just don't know. :-(
Hopefully the answer will come to me soon.

 

The last couple of replys were a little hostile. Lol.
I don't think I will be going to "if you want it you do it" route.
Lol
I like my man friend to much to be hostile with him in this matter.
The FU style isn't really mine.
I get what you are saying though and appreciate the feedback.

 

I don't see how my reply was hostile. You say you don't want to suck off his friend. I doubt he wants to suck off his friend. Maybe you need to make him realize that you aren't any more willing to do the deed than he is. Your buddy seems to be much more concerned with his wants and desires than yours.

 

Sorry. It just read a little hostile.

Anyhow, I know what I Am going to do.
Or not do in this case.
I didn't even get a quick note Saying "happy Valentine's Day" today so....
You can probably guess what my answer will be next time it comes up.

Lol. No but really. We have been having sex in one form or another for over a year and he doesn't even say HVD to me. I wasn't expecting any romantic gestures. But to not even acknowledge me today really says something I think.

 

You realize that once you suck Xs cock, other (even weirder) requests will follow, right? When evaluating the situation take into account going all the way with X, and maybe even Xs friends.

Sometimes it is not all about sex (I know it is ironic saying that in xnxx.com) the distinction between man and animal is that we can control our urges. Things with X will never be the same after you fuck him, and considering this other guy is just a fuck buddy his presence in your life is only temporary, X's is not.

 

Look upwards, nope not at the ceiling, at the post above yours, good job! Now read what it says!
Oh man your getting good at this forum thing.
She said she knows what shes going to do now.
(just in case you didnt follow the instructions, I shorted what she said for you, right about this sentence.)

 

I agree actually.
I've already gone farther than I'm comfortable with.
I'm going to know X my whole life. Who knows how long MF will stick around?

 

All I can say is if you and your fuck buddy are no longer living so far apart, you should make your relationship official, I mean you obviously want some sort of romantic relationship or you wouldnt be bothered at all by the lack of a Happy V Day gesture by him. Is there any particular reason you're not dating? or has it just never come up during a conversation?

 

To answer why we aren't an official couple will make me look like an even bigger idiot....
But I will....
It is very simple - he has a girlfriend. He wasn't with her when we first met. Or first started texting and sexting. No. They had been broken up. About a month after we met and started to get to know each other he decided to give their "relationship" another go.
I ceremoniously found out about the reconciliation on facebook along with the rest of their friends and family.

So that was that.
I told him I was not comfortable being "the other woman" and he said no no. It isn't like that. Their relationship was "tenuous at best". That was said about a year ago.
Hmmm.
And later he said they don't have sex. He just doesn't feel that way about her anymore.
God! I am such a tool. I wanted to believe it so badly.

So that is why. I'm just some random whore on the side.
I'm not the girl he takes out or introduces to friends and family.
:-(