NORTH Koreans were celebrating last night after their team's long-predicted 8-0 thrashing of decadent capitalist Portugal.

Footage of Korea's nine-foot tall players scoring goal after goal past a weeping and unusually Oriental-looking Portugal side was beamed across the country to over 35 million people, 11 million more than its actual population.

The first three goals saw their goalkeeper earn the 47th hat-trick of his career, with the last being a remarkable bicycle kick from the halfway line.

Each goal was celebrated by the players running to the corner flag and delivering an impassioned five-minute lecture on the nation's rising factory productivity to a rapt crowd of 52,000 Korean fans.

Tom Logan, World Cup analyst at Madeley-Finnegan, said: "North Korea's footage differs significantly from the rest of the world, inasmuch as Ellis Park appeared to be a dilapidated velodrome on an industrial estate and Korea's fourth and seventh goal was exactly the same footage."

But Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Il said: "Our glorious players showed what discipline, moral fortitude and being repeatedly beaten can achieve. I personally coached the team myself, shortly after writing my 375th novel Super Kim Slays Moth-Ra & Has Sexy Fun With Madonna, and fighting a bear with a claw hammer."

A North Korean government spokesman added: "Some may think they remember a goalkeeper called Ri Myong-Guk. They are mistaken. If anybody meets somebody claiming to be a member of his family, they are actually Western demons and should be shot on sight."

North Korean fan Jong-Se Park said: "Much appreciation and fraternal joy to the mighty footballers of our land! I do so hope my family can please be released unharmed so they can witness the ultimate triumph in the final!"

 

This made me laugh. I was thinking the same thing when I heard on Sportscenter last night NK got blown out.

(BTW - get this crap off my Sportscenter. )

 

Joe----very funny----BUT, Portugal just fucked us ALL over!

The North Koreans have no sense of humor and the only ay they now can avoid being the world's laughing stock for the next four years is to nuke everyone else into oblivion. Hold onto your hats!

 

People make fun of them but at the end of the day they still got to the World Cup beating some good teams like Iran and Saudi Arabia along the way.

 

Ok. Hmm. Demons. Haven't seen any yet, but I will post if/when I do...

I really don't have an opinion on this stuff, seeing as I don't watch sports.

Unless it is watersports/pissing.

 

Yet you felt the need to dig this up six months after it was posted?

 

I may have lol'd

 

*penguin cackle*