Its working title is called My friends Girlfriend Ashley
Please tell me what you think, I wanna hear what you guys and gals have to say about it. the beginning is a little lengthy but it gets better with time I promise, At least I hope it does.

I am the average 20 year old American male, I have a job a woman, enough money to live comfortably, and a gaggle of tight knit friends. All in all I have a good life, I am 5' 11" 220lbs. Black hair shaved on the sides with braids like spider legs from the crown down, Green and Orange eyes. white. I have recently just lost about 50 pounds. I'm still a little overweight but most of that I now owe to muscle. My secret? I started P90X about 85 days ago, the routine has been rigorous. but I am in better shape that I have ever been in in my entire life.

I smoke regularly and still I am amazed, I can breathe better and the six pack I haven't seen in years was returning. Most people call me stocky like a bulldog. Muscular and with definition returning, I noticed more and more ladies heads turning when I was out with my friends, Honestly I think my body is one of the only reasons my girlfriend has stuck around so long, other than the fact that I actually had a job and a cock that was by no means small. Any ways enough of me, here is only the beginning of what has been happing to me since I got this new body. This took part on day 65 of my routine.

My friend Jackob's girl stopped on one day and commented on the fact that I was losing weight, and to tell me that she was having a party and that her mom told her that she could use the pool as long at we didn't drink in it.
I told her I was more than happy to come to the party, Ashley smiled and stifled a giggle, Ashley had always turned me on, she is 5 ft nothing and has the most perfect little C cups tits and an ass that would put beyonce to shame. her pale skin never seemed to burn, no matter how much she showed. she touched my arm slightly and said.

"I'm glad I can put you on the R.S.V.P list my own boyfriend doesn't even know if he can make it, to be honest your the only one who has for sure even said you would come." Her plump pouty lips curved into that frown and her lips parted slightly, I could feel myself stir, she continued. "I mean I had my mom buy 200$ worth of Hard Alcohol, and yes before you even ask we got henesey for your black ass!" she smilied and laughed a little bit, what can I say I laughed a little bit to, being a broke rapper in washington. you drank whatever it was that was given but V.S.O.P henesey had stolen my heart at the first sip.

I asked her where she was headed, and she told me she was headed over to His trailer, Jackob is one of my closest homies on the planet and I had been working so much recently I wanted to say what's up so I asked Ashley if she didn't mind me taggin along at least to say what's up to my homie. with no objections from her we started to walk to Jackob's house. I watched her walk infront of me, her multi-hued hair blowing in the cool August breeze, she had decided that she was going to suprise him with a visit and a lil bit of a good time if you know what I mean, it killed me a little bit on the inside to hear this, But I kept my mouth shut and continued to watch her walk infront of me.

Admiring that beautiful ass in her skinny jeans I realized I could see her panty line through the fabric, she always like to wear boy shorts and to me that was just sexy, her ass would have swallowed a thong or a G-string.
I think she could feel my eyes on her ass cause her hips started to sway just a little bit, I could feel my balls get heavy staring at her, but honestly I had never thought about trying anything with her she was my best friends girlfriend. And I don't do homies like that it's a rule. 'Bros Before Hoes.' I just shook my head and didn't think about it again.

I slid my hand into my pocket and pulled out my pack of cigarettes; Newports. I am what you would call a creature of habit, and those just so happened to be: Newports, Icehouse been, and Chicks with a fat ass (Not to be confused with a fat ass chick) but I am picky she has to be in a certain age and weight/Height range. even when I was fat my standards stuck. I fished into my pocket again looking for my lighter, after a few seconds of searching for it, I pulled out my red bic and lit my stogie taking a couple of puffs to get the cherry burning. Ashley peered back at me, slowed and then took her pace up again when we were shoulder to shoulder
"You know things will kill you" she spoke in a slightly mocking tone.
"I know" I joked with her while taking another long drag off the smoke "But what can I say I am addicted" I continued "I mean I just got healthy so with that plus me still smoking I think it'll even itself out." smiling I quickly changed the subject. I don't like being judged. "So what's with the party? I mean your birthday isn't until September right?"



(This Is what I have so far, Please tell me what you think) I do have more I just ran out of time right now to post any more!! will be back with some more soon

 

Don't take this personally..... Maybe its the American slang but it doesn't do it for me. Some spelling too. Probably needs more work.

 

I fell asleep by the time I finished your introduction what was your story about?

 

It's not just the intro but part of the larger story I did tell you that it was a long story, I'm sorry it doesn't just jump into the fucking there is a little bit of a back story to what is going on. this is pulled from reality so yes thank you for your comments though guys and gals

@twistedsister: No offense taken this is my first attempt at story telling.

@cracked: it's about me fucking my homies girlfriend after he spurns her, I'm sorry it's taking sooooo long for everything to happen but I hope it gets better

 

I follow you but you need to either do one of two things... Explain that in a flashback... or go with little snippets while you tell the story... The fine details can wait for later after you have a setup... I'll grant you that a chapter describing the trees is not exactly the best approach, but it worked for into the mouth of madness. But we aren't super sophisticated readers here so keep it simple and add to it... Kinda like a soup add water and meat and the slowly add the other stuff that make it good...

 

Sound good so far I like