hello all, I am very worried... I love my gf but I going through very difficult times with an "issue" of hers. I need help/advise in how to change the way she acts when she is approached by guys.
She just gives in way too easy! I know this is related to her very low and almost none selfsteem and I have worked very hard to bring that on a daily basis, I always treat her like a princess and I keep checking on her to make sure she feels right about herself, but then she goes back to being the same extremelly submissive child that any guy can approach and use as he pleases. I hate that! I hate it most of all beacause she is a very beautiful 27 y/o girl with the sweetest face and a smoking body on her and most guys would do crazy things to put their hands on her, but instead she just gives it away like she is worth nothing... on top of all her hot looks, she is a medical doctor, very smart and well mannered.
For instance, I have just found out that about six months ago, she went to visit and old guy friend from college, the guy had recently broke up with a long term relationship and he was "supossedly" going through depression. Then at some point my gf asked her friend to check something on her legs (he is also an MD) she was concerned about a little something on one of her legs, her friend of course asked her to remove her pants and she did, he checked the legs and that was it for that, but then the friend give her a hug and undid her bra and forcefully (not so much) removed her t-shirt leaving her half naked... she was the trying to cover her boobs with her arms, but then the friend asked her to please let him see them and she did, then the friend takes her to bed and laid her there and start touching her boobs, she says she felt unconffortable with all of this, but did have any reaction, then I ask "what the hell is the matter with her???"
Then later on I learned that this guy friend had done that a few times before when they were in college, they never screwed, but he was all over her, touching her parts and specially playing with her boobs. but that was about 6 or 7 years ago and I should not care, but this last time I was already involved with her and seriously involved I must add, cause we are commited.
In addition to that event, almost simultaneously, there was this other guy that she didn't even know from before, but started hitting on her a lot, I was not around at the time, I was overseas, but the guy kept on trying so much that she ended up letting him kiss her and even though things did not go further this time, that kissing should have never happened, especially when she says she was not part of it, she just let it happen because she felt sorry for the guy trying all that much.
A little more about her background, she comes from a single mom home, she was great student with honors throughtout her entire schoolarship, fell in love with a cousin at age 17 and gives her away her virginity to him 2 months after they started dating, this relationship was troublesome from day one, but she grabbed it with heart and soul for a very long time, she says that since she was taught that women was supossed to be with one man only in her entire life, she fought a lot to stay with this first love, but her counterpart was very abusive and treated her like trash, this lasted 2 or 3 years before she realized, once in college that there was more fish in the ocean and started yielding little by little to the idea of letting other guys to approach her. but all this happend abruptly, as soon as she went through and broke that shield, she went for it full blast, so much that at some point she was doing three guys within the same week, but this period lasted only about two years... then she slowed down a lot but staying screwing around and having one night stands, even thought not that many.
Her first love, the cousin, had continue to do her on an off and on basis all these years, last time was Dec 09 and her and I were already dating, but not commited yet. at this point she also did another one night stand and that was supossed to be it, besides the doctor friend that always loved touching her breast and that was six months ago.
As you can imagine, I am concerned that this could happen again and the biggest problem is that she lies and covers all of this and I had to find out from third parties, I know for sure that she is not causing or looking for guys to screw around, but the problem is that when these guys, specially the ones from her past, knowing how submissive she is, they just come and grab. I love her, I want to help her cause I know by helping her I am helping me too. please any advise will be well appreciated.

 

Unfortunately we can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped buddy. The fact that she does what she does and then lies about it shows someone who's miles away from seeing their faults let alone feel bad and want to change for the better. Perhaps you should ask your self what is it you are looking for with this girl here? You can love her and encourage a possitive behaviour without being her boyfriend. Some food for thought.

 

I love her, I worry that she should not be brave and strong enough to go through another failure, this time entirely caused by her weakness and/or lack of willpower, she said she felt horrible about this last guy touching her like that.. but then she didn't do anything to stop it. but I worry she will do something crazy, cause she swears she loves me and don't want to see me leaving her...