I need some help....if you have read any of my stories or post they are about 95% true. Gave this man that I thought loved me everything. Two weeks ago he decides after a couple months of telling me he wants to be with me and loves me he tells me out of the blue he is done. He can't live two lives anymore. He was dating another women. She is half his age, makes more money than I do, I later find out she has been paying some of his bills, rent included. She's young and blonde and clueless.

I am a great catch, I'm a beautiful, I take great care of myself, I don't have kids, open to anything and every thing.

He became verbally abusive the last several months then would try and make up but every time it was the same. I don't understand. I needed out, I was being mistreated and used, god I hurt. I'm sure he did me a favor. We've been together two years.

I have lost my sex drive which was really high, I have no desire to do anything. I know I am depressed. I really don't want to contact him anymore. He is trying to keep me on the hook with words like "we will be together just not now".

The sex between us was amazing. Best I have ever had. I feel empty and lost. My lover does not want me and I don't know how to get thru that? Any suggestions?

I've thought about jumping in bed with someone else to rebound but I can't even bring myself to talk to another man.

 

There's no easy or quick way to get through this. It will hurt a lot and it will hurt for a while. To me, breakups always felt like a cannonball had opened up a huge hole in my chest.

The thing that works best is a distraction that isn't another relationship. Take up a new hobby, throw yourself into your work, hit the road, whatever. Get away from the people, things and places that remind you of him.

If you're connected through Facebook or anything like that, completely block him out and you out, so you're not checking in on him.

I just read one of your other posts; you *are* a great catch, and you will come through this. I wish you well, I really do.

 

Thanks. I have no connection to him what so ever. No FB or anything. It's really hard. I haven't told anyone, no one knows what is going on w me bc our relationship had been a secret. I feel so stupid for every thinking I was any thing more than just another number in his life.

I haven't been with many people. He was the 3rd. I'm in my 30s and sex is not something I take lightly. We you get me, you get all of me. Guess I need to be more careful with who I allow in my life.

It's a struggle every hour not to contact him. I have slipped up and emailed, he just ignores me.....I dont understand....

Thanks for the feedback.

 

If you feel that strongly about yourself, your attributes and your successes, you will be fine. Men like confidence. You don't need someone who will use you. Let him go dear. It will hurt and it will take time. Honestly he sounds like a worthless user and I'm sure the other chick will figure this out as well. When she does and stops paying his bills, he will come crawling back to you.

I just really hope you realize your true worth before then and tell him he can shove it. You deserve much better than that and I'm sure you will find it. If you have a need for sex, then have it for the physical pleasure. I would not jump right into another relationship when your emotions are still raw. A relationship will find you when you least expect it.

 

Now, if this other girl is a lot younger and even makes more money than you do, excuse me, but there are lots of men who have even divorced - so, the fact that he was just a secret lover made it very easy for him to put a stop to your relationship.

Now, in my opinion, you are just lucky, since the guy, according to your description, is just a jerk!

What a fucking man is he, if he accepts to have his bills paid by a woman he isn't married to?!?

If you really are beautiful and sexy, even if, for now, you have no sex drive, I strongly advise you to go out and find yourself a fuck buddy (or two, or three, or more!).

Consider it as a meal - like it or not, you have to eat.

You also have to learn to satisfy your body without necessarely involving feelings as deep as you say you have for this jerk...

If you just sit in front of the computer and act like a nun, you'll just keep on thinking about this man endlessly - and that isn't good for you at all!

If, another time, you find yourself a man who, after you become intimate, requires to keep your relation a secret, remember what happened to you with this man and... run away as fast as you can!

 

Thanks guys. I was just stupid for a moment. He was not always like that. He lost his job recently, he use to be warm and caring...etc....
Could have all been an act.

I was fine until a few months ago when he decided to cross that emotional line. He started the conversation of us being a couple and so forth.

I don't know I just thought we have fun, great sex, why not be a couple and he seems to think the same. I don't think I will ever understand what is going on in his head. However she did just get a new job and home all the time.

Just feel foolish for buying it and being upset about it. Hate that he had that effect on me. He's a piece of shit to say the least. Today is going to be better. I have decided and I'm gonna get myself off despite lack of drive, fuck him. I can do it myself and be a lot more efficient about it.

 

I know that we are all living tough times - crysis, etc...

If you can afford it, I would strongly reccomend that you take a vacation and travel.

Just make yourself a goal: each town you visit, fuck at least one man!

I know it's hard for you to consider, but, if you have the guts, just do it!

After some time, you'll love to be a tourist!

AND... STOP THINKING about the jerk that has brought you into this ordeal...

 

I've got a slightly different suggestion . . .

Don't ignore your feelings or distract yourself - rather, go ahead and really feel what you're feeling. It's OK. From what you've described, you've got a legitimate reason to feel terrible right now. Before you can get on with whatever the next phase of your life brings, you've got to process through this one - and it likely includes feelings of remorse, grief, anger, pity, sadness, and more. Don't cheat yourself out of experiencing these emotions - they are authentic and valid and there is no shame in feeling them.

When you're ready, you'll be able to look back on this experience and use it for strength rather than something embarrassing. Feeling crappy doesn't make you crappy. Good Luck

 

I agree fully with OT, take the time to grieve and get angry, don't just pretend it never happened. If you really take the time to say goodbye to him now, inside, you'll be less likely to take him back later, and I'd hate to see that happen.
You sound amazing, and definetly deserve to be more then what he was treating you like. For all that I sleep around alot...don't do anything YOU aren't comfortable with. You don't have to go fuck to feel better about yourself, but being admired does feel good. Go out to the bar, have a drink, flirt, but don't take him home. It's amazing how much better you feel.

 

This time I actually agree with you. That advice wasn't bad.

 

The only thing that will heal you is measured by the hands on your wall.

Sorry. There's no shortcuts. No quick route. No drug, no drink, nothing. You've got to tread the full length of the road, one step at a time, until you're done.

But you'll get there. Almost everyone does, and almost everyone has at some point in their life.

 

Well.....think I'm gonna go out with friends all weekend. See the Rocky Horror (never been) a concert and the beach. That should hopefully shake things up. At least get me out of the house.

Thank you all for your input.

I'm realizing im better off, who wants to be with an abusive drunk that has no money, kids, a cheap ass apt, and to boot his dick was not even all that impressive, about half of what I'm use to. Fucker!

 

*hugs* I just had a similar experience. Now I'm determined to make myself look better and then go and get a guy who's better than him.

 

2 years. :/ Is a long time. :[

 

It was. He was a big part of my life.

 

I know how you're feeling... and I am sorry to hear what happened to you. Not every man is capable of knowing when has something great. Obviously, the one u mentioned isnt. I've gone through a load of crap in a life that when I look back at it seems very long, but in fact is not that long. But i've made it through alive, alive and living. so will you. I know u'll get better I know you're probably doubting, but take it from some one who knows that you WILL GET BETTER! Seek professional help if u need. there is nothing wrong with that. There may be more things behind your problems than you think. I can't tell you how to get better. just try to live your life to the fullest, things take time. and I am very certain taht you will find your confidence, happiness and love again. Big hugs from an understander.

 

I feel better today than I have in two weeks, I think telling someone helped.

 

It is good to hear that you are feeling better. I would have to say that it is one of those things that will work itself out. I know it is cleche, or however you spell it, but time heals all wounds. It may not heal the way that you thought it would or hoped that it would but it will heal. Get out there and have some fun with your friends. Good luck and cheers.

 

What bothers me is that your relationship was a secret. What kind of man (or woman) wants relationships to be secret--someone who is married or someone who plans on cheating right off the bat. Believe me and everyone else on the site--you are much better off without him. As to what you should do now, that's harder. No matter what anyone says you are going to feel betrayed and hurt. That's normal, but don't carry on about it with your friends and acquaintances. It will take time, possibly a long time, but you will survive. If you want to feel better, just imagine what things would be like if you had a couple of kids and he pulled this on you then. You're still young and you will find someone else--someone who will treat you right.

 

I'm starting to think he did me a favor. The more I think about his behavior the last month or so I can see how I was used and lied to. I tried to end this a few months ago bc he did have a GF and I did not want to be that person, but then he told me they were done. The problem is I live two hours from him so I never really knew for sure what was going on. God only knows what other crap he has been up too. Just such a waste of time and effort. I'm starting to feel that way....which is good. I haven't told anyone, just on here, it's so embarrassing.