I want to show people the difference between description and details and how to use both to create something that the readers will never want to end. I have noticed that a lot of stories look like the writer wrote the story simply to end it. So here's my attempt at improving story writing here.

Let’s start with details;

The house sat on a hill. Jack was working outside splitting wood. Jill was inside cooking supper. They went to bed.
These are the details of the story. Not very riveting but informative, lets add some more details.

[There was a house that sat on a hill and in this house live Jack and Jill. Jack was a lumber jack by trade, so growing up this way kept him in shape. Jill loved nature and hiking so she kept tone exploring the woods around their house on the hill. Jack and Jill have been living happily ever after since tumbling down the hill. One night Jill got in the mood and wanted to be romanced, so Jack picking up on this went out and split some apple wood that he cut down last year because it was Jill’s favorite aroma. Jill decided to cook Jack his favorite meal that always put him in the mood. That night Jill got the romancing of a life time.
This is a lot more informative and a little more interesting. But there’s no spice, no real flavor that makes this story want to be read. Let’s add some descriptions!

There was a two story log house that sat atop of a lone hill surrounded by an enchanted forest with many magical fury woodland creatures. A striking, tall, dark, powerhouse of a man named Jack lived here with small beautiful blue eyed blond haired wife named Jill. Jill complimented and defined Jack just as much did for her. There wasn’t much Jack and Jill didn’t agree on, and ever since they tumbled down the hill, they have been living very happily in every way a married couple can live. Jack had a real knack for cutting down trees, which served him well in battling the evil creatures that lived in the forest around his home. His battles earned him several scars, but his real job kept him the shape to keep up in all his battles. Jill often came with him found that she had hidden powers that served Jack in his battles, keeping healed and healthy. Jill soon discovered that along with these powers she had a knowledge of alchemy that allowed her to magic in all things from love making to the food she cooked. One night after a fierce battle where the creatures had attacked Jill instead of Jack, Jill wanted to reward Jack with the greatest reward a woman can give a man. Jack picked up on Jill’s subtle signals and decided to enhance the mood but cutting up some apple wood he cut down last year. Jack knew from the many times he romanced Jill that Jill got a little more sinner in the sack when he burned apple wood. Jill was busy cooking and had decided to use her knowledge of alchemy to enhance Jack’s mood and love making abilities, not that they needed much enhancing. Jack had started the fire just as Jill set up the table and lit the candles. The small talk they made during supper was very suggestive and both Jack and Jill had the same thing on their minds. That night Jill became aware of the meaning wedded bliss several times.
As we can see here, our little story is really interesting and if you don’t want to read more about it, then I have failed in my attempts to get my point across. But we can’t settle for this, even though its a lot better than what we started out with. Add more descriptions!

 

thx, 609. that is a good lesson on expanding on details and drawing the readers in.

 

you are very welcome

 

You start here question of style, not question of ability. Your third example is boring and says all kinds of things that who cares about them. Your second example has better rhythm and flows nicer. Read them out loud, you see what I mean?

If point of story is Jack and Jill and alchemy and powers, then I guess third example is best. If point of story is Jack and Jill fucking then Jack and Jill should get fucking.

You ever see Steve Martin movie with Eddie Murphy? Bowfinger? Sometimes is okay to make movie, not film.

(sorry for english, i don't like to speak it)

 

You gave us examples but they are too hard to read with the underlining you used. Personally, I felt your third paragraph was too long. But that's me, and what I like. You see, some people write with embellishments, some write more simply. Why don't you post an actual story and show us you can create and write a complete feature.

Was there a particular writer whose work you feel is not up to par? Have you offered to edit for that person? Just curious as you've been a member since July and this is your first post.

 

"Jack had a real knack for cutting down trees"

that would be where that axe of his would have come in so gosh darn handy I'm guessing.

 

The only point in this was to illustrate the difference between details and descriptions, and how adding details can often be very descriptive. There are several sites that I go to and many many authors seam to just want to tell the story and end it. And that is sad to me because with a little work, these stories could be great reads.

 

Best stories give only the detail you need. Embellish stories sound like lies. Letting reader have own details in mind is best. I read one story some time that tells me for page and page how house looks. I already see house in head. I know what house looks like.

Just tell the story. It not done when you finish adding, it done when you finish taking away. You want detail and detail and detail you read poem instead. Bad poem.

Like I say, you start talk about style and taste here. Not what is good story writing. You say "just want to tell the story and end it" is bad. Well, that is writers job. Writer shouldn't do reader's job for them.

 

when I write a story I add descriptions which are relevant. sometimes there is 2 much and if it is just there 2 pad out the story it becomes irrelevant.

The way i feel that it should be is like walking in the room.

You notice the furniture, you notice the smells, you notice the person you are visiting. If you start to describe the curtains and the ornaments then you are describing more than a visitor would notice.

I like to think I find that balance to make the reader feel like they are there in the room. If i succeed, then I have the reader hooked.

Maybe I am wrong

 

Good point.
Descriptions are all well, and good, but there comes a point when it gets to be too much.
I tend to be very sparse with physical descriptions of characters because the reader knows what turns them on, and I like to leave the room for them to see that.

 

Theatre of the Mind

While I get Eric and Rachel's point about leaving a few things to the imagination, there is also the idea of leading your readers by the hand in a certain direction.

Sure they can interject their own feelings and reflections to the story but some times i want them to feel the story as you intend them to.

It's like reading Hemingway vs the Twilight series. Hemingway's sparse descriptions of the physical and of the mind requires the reader to be well versed in the human mind and experiences. Whereas the Twilight series allows you to melt into the story on an emotional level very quickly.

I personally liked example 3 the best. I understand the readers of our stories have a certain destination they need to get to asap, but there's something to be said about filling the eyes, the ears and the nose with such details that all your senses are fondled with.

Just my $0.02.

 

Good point, Mr.Koontz. For me, there are times when there is too much description - very much like a shopping list. I like a little mystery. Tell me just enough and then let me use my own imagination. Sometimes the way the writer sees a character or place is in his brain, buried in emotion. He can describe without embellishing and let the reader picture things themselves.

 

Again, you come to this forum telling people how they can write better, but I'm still waiting to see examples of your creativity. Which stories are not worthy of your reading? Did you click on the link in the Sex Stories site and review the recommended writers list? Surely you might find someone's stories that you do like.

Please, post a story here and let us critique you.