Hey guys I'm new here so I hope I posted this in the right area. My girlfriend and I have been dating for well over a year now. When we first started dating all we did was have sex multiple times a day even. As time has gone on its gone down to 2 times a week to once a week to once ever other week to now I'm lucky if I get it once a month!! Sex isn't everything in a relationship but I feel it's needed to have a healthy relationship. I don't know where to go she says comments like I wanted to but by the time we got to bed I wasn't in the mood anymore, my pill is making me feel weird, and tomorrrow night I promise well have a sex night(which never happens). I'm tired of talking about it she knows my frustration because she appologizes all the time. What do I do guys it's killing my relationship and at this point I don't even want to have sex with her I'm so frustrated. HELP

 

it happens, it will come and go. But, by you pushing harder its just making it worse. I went through the same exact thing, and almost the same time frame you speak of.Stress is a major sex drive killer so try to ease up a little and not let sex be the center of attention. Also she could be fucking someone else.

 

Sorry to say it, but its over for her, you don't get her juices flowing any more...she is with you simply for the stability it brings...you have no excitement for her. Either become exciting or move on...there is no coming back from the "no sex" relationship.

 

Thanks for the quick replies guys maybe I phrased it wrong but I don't put any pressure on her when she says those things I just say ok and move on but she feels bad for not being in the mood and apologizes. Sex isnt the center of attention but after so long it starts to be to long. As for bacterius maybe your right and maybe it's something we have to sit down and talk about because if thats true maybe it is over. I dont know how I could try and make things more exciting I've brought in toys we watch porn we are always trying something new.

 

Sorry to read this I'm going through something similar. I basically have given up. We have a child together so I'm not really going anywhere but the situation frustrating.

Good luck.

 

Same thing happened to me with an ex. Turned out that she was getting it from someone else.

 

just went through that, had hardcore sex erlier today, you jelly?


sorry man just just had to, we were just really stressed out. took a long time but it corrected itself. it's true though if you're not having sex what's the point of the relationship ;P

 

i wouldn't go as far as saying its over at all. Something caused the sex drive to go down, you need to find out what. I went through it but with a lot of patience and understanding our situation self corrected and we are pretty much in the sack every chance we get. Kids, stress, fear of something, and a job are just a few things i figured out was causes for low sex drive. I basically dropped the subject of sex completely for 4 months and things started changing after i identified some of the causes. The only question is do you love her and want to stay with her?

 

A year, on a scale of lifetime, isn't really that much...

Now, I should first try to make some medical inquiry to see if, God forbid it, she's sick of something - a lever problem, for example, or kidneys, does not increase the libido, either in a woman, or a man...

If, medically, things are OK, than, the things become a little bit more complicated (from the moral point of view).

Maybe, at the beginning, the novelty of having sex with you has made her do it with a much higher frequency than she is really driven...

Something else could be that she's just bored of you - you don't turn her on anymore...

The worst would be that she's found a better fuck than you, but, due to reasons I cannot guess from here, she is just more confortable to stay with you...

So, in spite of the peculiarity, best would be if you just find out that she suffers of some disease that she needs to pay attention to...

In rest, all the other alternatives leave you with only one choice - pack your things and go away!...

I am really sorry and wish you good luck!

 

I really appreciate all the help it's helping me get through this. I agree with CHOSUKE I have pretty much given up and don't even make an attempt anymore. As for her cheating hey it could be possible though I don't think so but how many people have said that. I don't want to leave because she really does a lot to show she loves me and she's a great gf on every other aspect (she's already started planning our wedding which I'm totally ok with unless this dosn't stop) and I do love her i'm just getting so bored and sick of the daily routine.
After reading your replies some things popped into my head that I figured Id get your opinions on.
1. We pretty much live with each other now (becoming routine?)
2.We both are kind of stressed she's a full time student and I'm recovering from a shoulder injury.
3. She is a worrier from something tomorrow to years from now.
4. She's always tired (just started taking melatonin to help sleep through the night)
5. This is off topic but she always insists we shower together every night, we sleep naked with her basically on top of me, and the occasions we do have sex she dresses up and we use toys and she cums atleast twice. Any opinions here?

 

I think I saw that you said something about her being on the pill in your OP..The pill has been shown to lower a woman's sex drive by A LOT! So if thats the case then it isn't you hun, her hormones are just going in a new direction and she doesn't have the die hard sex need anymore. I am a big believer that hormonal birth control is the devil cause it makes me insane..literally. So maybe talk with her about switching to a lower hormone one or even the IUD without hormones.. etc.

The showering together might be her way of replacing the affection she was getting during sex since now you aren't having sex and she is still craving the affection part. I sleep naked for that reason (skin to skin contact that isn't sexual) and because..well I live in Florida and its effing hot.

Suggestion wise maybe on the nights that she just doesn't feel like it you could ask her to help you masturbate. Weather it be frottage, or her rubbing your thighs while you stroke your self, or even her just putting on a little sexy show. Something that lets her feel good about meeting your sexual needs but doesn't require her to "suffer through" anything she doesn't feel like doing, so as to not build resentment or negative feelings towards sex.

 

Wanted to give an update and again get some more advice. I really appreciated all the help from everyone it was a big help.

So a few days after I wrote this, things picked up a little I thought great maybe this dry patch is over and again it's back to where it was. I took everyones advice I'm not to stubborn to disreguard anything I dont want to hear. So when things picked up for a few days we were having sex every other day for about a week tons of foreplay, going down on each other, having sex in all kinds of different ways, and she was cumming every time I went down on her and every time we had sex. She was obviously in the mood she was soaking wet and initiated almost every time. So now its back to the no sex pace it was before. it's getting to a point where im so frustrated that if she was to want to have sex I'm not even sure I would want to for the simple fact of I know if we have sex it's just another month or so till it happens again, if that makes sense. Any advice would be great or even a comment I'm just feeling like I'm missing something hopefully you guys can help.

 

What's the time frame? Could it be her cycle affecting her sex drive?
I vote to hang in there...I'm doing that with my husband atm...his sex drive went down quite a bit.

 

There's no real time frame it could be any week of the month and we will have sex once or twice then dry spell. I thought that might be part of the problem but there's no certain time. I wanna hang in there and I plan on it I just am getting so bored and I feel like things are getting blah.

 

Im going through the same thing except we've been married seven years and have two kids, one of them has special needs. It seems all she does is worry about my son and neglects everything else. My son has some issues but big p icture he'll be fine. I never have sex anymore and its very frustrating. I can honestly understand how a guy can cheat on his wife when she ignores his basic needs. I mean am I supposed to just masturbate to internet porn for the rest of my life? Pathetic, but prompt reality. I don't want to hurt my kids. But my wife is pretty much no fun at all, when she's around me all I hear is negative, this is hard for me deal with.

 

that realy is a louzy stretch, went through the same thing since moving in with my gf, sexlife took a nose dive in a hurry.
Got so bad i just about packed my stuff to go, then it happend, got some great advice from a mate of mine. Its kinda tough to do but with-hold all affection for a bit. Kinda ignore her for about two weeks if it takes that long, then they get real eager to please. Its the whole male dominace thing, if she gets the affection she wants without putting out she has no reason to do so.
If she has to please you for you to validate her then she will.
hope it helps man.

 

It is fair to say that in the first part of a relationship fucking al the timeis pretty normal and it does tail off after that in most cases. You havent been datng for that long so I voet for giving it a chance and checking her Pill seems sensible to me.

 

I am in the same situation and feel the same way. My wife has even admitted that she's only in the relatinship for the financial security. However she makes it clear she dosn't want me fooling around.
Not that that would stop me but I don't want to just fuck around anymore. I'd like a relationship that includes sex.
Just a matter of time before we go our separate ways

 

You only live once. I'd move on and let it become somebody elses problem.

 

Thanks for the quick awesome replies everyone. After reading everyones advice I'm really starting to believe it's because we basically live with each other now. I'm gonna try what menAce86 said to do and see how that works it seems like it might be the answer I just dont want to keep having to do that every other week. I think shes just too comfortable and that's the problem, shes not finacially dependent on me I mean if it was me she has nothing holding back from leaving. I mean I love her and I want to be with her but if its not working for her and shes just staying for comfort I'd rather she just told me and went.