As of this morning I will be leaving to go out of town to visit family which she will meet up with me tuesday. So we were going to bed last night and she was very upset that I was leaving so were talking and she says " I'm sorry I'm not in the mood much I'm just really stressed and it makes me not in the mood" So I think finally were getting somewhere. So we talked and she is going to make an appointment to talk to someone about being so stressed and to find out if there's anything else she can do. Thanks for everyones support especially the ones who were right on point. I'll keep everyone updated as things go on. I hope other people who have the same problem read this thread and try taking all of your advice like I did.

 

I wanted to know if this is normal I guess after all thats been going on it's been causing me to be a little stressed or something. Like I said I'm out of town and the other night I called my girlfriend to say goodnight we talked about our day then she started to tell me how she wanted me and wishes I was home and so on. For some reason I just couldn't get into it and wanted nothing to do with it and lately I've been thinking that even if I was home and she was in the mood I think I'd turn it down. I know I know turn down sex I must be crazy right after all i've been saying is how I don't get enough. Is this normal after a sitsuation like mine has been? hopefully some of the people who have been following and been a big support and maybe a few new followers will have some advice on this too. As always thanks to you all!

 

Hello

I am sorry to hear about you.. I think you should do meditation for removing mind stress and yoga and exercises are also must for proper blood circulation. Because proper blood circulation helps to attain proper erection during sexual activity...

 

I think you would turn her down because you aren't sure she really want to have sex with you and shes doing it because she feels sorry for you. That reaction is normal and understandable.

 

Communication is the key here. You need to tell her straight up how you're feeling. You will NEVER convey your feelings by "beating around the bush" or pushing her away. Talk to her, tell her you are getting bored and the way she's acting is severely effecting your mood and demeanor towards her. This will force her to come clean and confess whatever she's feeling to you. I tried doing what you've thought of doing and it just doesn't work. AT ALL! My girlfriend now started acting like yours is now and I told her with the way she was acting; if she didn't stop I was leaving. That knocked her right on her ass and we worked our relationship back to where it needed to be; now we talk about everything and never go to bed mad (well on rare occasions). Communication is where it's at. If she rejects it and is hurt by it or leaves then that's what it takes. If she leaves, I bet you anything she will be back with a level head.

Expressing how you feel right now will force her over the edge and make her decide what to do. I guarantee she won't shoot it down; you're coming to her with a problem she knows is there but doesn't know where to start. Start it for her and she will open up. You've already expressed how you feel on here, so just say exactly what you've said here. Remember communication is the key and it needs to be from both sides. You need to listen to her and she should listen to you.

 

Your exactly right I really don't want to have sex with her because I don't know if she's just having sex to make me happy (I mean which I guess is nice of her) or if she really wants to but I'm sure you will all agree sex is no fun unless your both into it. I want our old sex I miss the foreplay, the heat, the passion, the kinky crazy sex that used to have us both cumming all night long not the quick in and out. Futilemonkey I totally agree I need to open up the lines of communication I just feel bad because the rest of our relationship is amazing we live amazing together we love being together our sex life is just non existant and if we do just plain boring. I also feel bad coming down on her bc she is trying she started seeing a therapist to help with her stress (mostly caused by her mother who is the devil) which she said stress was really affecting her sex drive and she apologizes all the time for not being in the mood and not having sex more often but every apology now just feels like shes kicking me when i'm down. So having a sit down talk just seems like its not needed because she knows I'm bored with our sex life and that I'd like to have sex more than once a month and she apologizes so she knows its her am I wrong should I still sit down and talk about it? Do any ladies have any advice for some ways to get her sex drive up such as supplements or something along those lines?

 

Tell her that. She needs to know you love her and want her. Everyone needs that. Everyone needs to know that they make their partner happy..

If you aren't sure that's the case, let her know how you feel, and maybe she'll let you know how she feels.

Doesn't sound like she's trying to 'punish' you for something you did wrong or something, so maybe she just doesn't know what to expect from you, or what you really want. If she knew you NEED her to want you, maybe she would change how many times she asked you to fuck her brains out..

If 'tired' comes into the discussion, then ask her if it's really a big deal to stay up an extra hour for some loving..

Maybe she's really kinky and doesn't want to 'shock' you by asking you to tie her up or fuck her ass or something..

Think about this... She's probably going through the same things you are when you don't communicate. Maybe she's wishing she was with someone who really wanted HER as much as she wants you, but you don't ask for it. People usually think alike, and maybe she's horny as hell...

Sounds like she's trying to make you happy, but isn't sure what to do.
Don't turn her down. Talk about it.

 

It's understandable that she's seeing a therapist, but you still need to express your problems. If you don't, then only her problems are being helped. If you both are committed to the relationship, then your problems are her problems as well; and you need to get them out there. It sounds like half the battle on your part is done since she knows there's a problem and she's the root of it. But you still need to express how it's making you feel, she only knows you're bored with the sex; she most likely doesn't realize that you're frustrated to your wits end and are getting stressed and depressed with it all. You need to shock her with it so it will bring her out of the rut she's in. Tell her you've unhappy to the point of leaving and I guarantee something will ignite within her and it will come out real quick.

The therapist is only a tool for her benefit if he only knows her problems. If she sees that there are much more problems with her relationship with you, it will help push her in the direction she needs.

 

Ok so I took your advice and I brought up some of the problems, she was very receptive and basically apologized and said what I already knew. She said she's been stressed and tired and between those she just never feels in the mood. I told her I was bored with our sex life which is starting to make me bored with the relationship. So well see what happens from here.

As for her being worried I'm going to be shocked by her wanting to do something kinky, we already do bondage which we both love and weve basically explored every other path (when we did have sex that is) like I said I always try new things and new toys to keep things exciting.

Well I just got home from not seeing her for 5 days so hopefully I'll have a very happy thanksgiving ;-) I'm going to initiate things tonight and hopefully things go somewhere, so wish me luck guys. As always I'll keep you guys posted

Lastly I find it weird since I'm the kind of guy that finds more enjoyment out of giving than receiving. I spend triple the time on her than she does on me. I love making her gush all her juices in my mouth as i lick her sweet pussy and I love the feeling of her whole body quiver as she cums or how I can't move my fingers as she cums bc she gets so tight as I finger her. Getting her off is just so Hot to me I'd think a girl would love having a bf like that am I wrong?

 

Good luck, stress can kill a persons libido.

 

So everyone I'm reporting back with good news. Last night we got into be and I really didn't think anything was going to happen so I initiated which she was reluctant only due to the fact she hadn't shaved (dosnt bother me but to her big deal) so I pressed on and it was so worth it. Sex was amazing and so was everything in between all she could do was thank me when we were done and tell me how good it felt. Idk about anyone else but we woke up at 4am to go black Friday shopping then came home and napped, what I wasn't expecting was to get woken up to her hornier than ever trendy for another round which I was happy to give her. Hopefully this keeps up but I just worry bc if you have been following this thread it's happened before a day or two of sex then the dry spell starts again which of anyone would like to help me understand why that happens it would be great!!

 

So lately we've been talking more about our sex life apparently the last time we did it it kicked her into gear. You were all right I said to her how I think I need to initiate sex more and her response " thats good because I think I need that" we then went on talk about how were going make sex a more often thing I'm still a little nervous but I guess we'll see. Thanks again for all of your help.

This leads me to my next question what is something new I could do to really have her begging for more? I mean anything get as kinky and dirty as you guys want.

 

Glad we could help, communication is always the key to everything.

As for kinky, I find reading a lot of the stories on XNXX give me tons of ideas. Start looking into them and finding genres that peak your interest. Hell, why don't you two read some together. Also watching porn or visiting sex shops can give you tons of ideas. As a collective, we're only going to be able to give you 1 or 2 ideas that WE enjoy; visiting a sex shop, watching porn, reading erotic stories can give you a worlds wealth of ideas. Try it, I bet she'll love it.

And for Gods sake, don't log in to the forum unless she knows you post on here lol. There seems to be a trend of women catching their significant other logged in on here.

 

Same thing happend to me and my wife. She would always say because she was tired and stressed out. Came to the point to where I was just turning her down for sex and played video games or read books instead. I pretty much started to ignore her and she started coming around and became more lovey on me. Then I got called up and sent to Afghanistan lol.... I always told her that life was short and that you should live ever minute of it like it was your last. I think she finally gets it now that Im in a war and there is a chance that she might not ever see me again.

 

Wow man thanks a lot and thank you for your service. You hit the nail right on the head and I'm happy to see that maybe she will really get the hint. I feel the same way as you described I'm to the point where Im turning her down. We had sex last week for the first time in weeks and it was amazing best we've had in awhile (I wrote about it above) but now its back to the dry spell. We had another conversation over email (I was at work) about how I feel about this lack of sex and even romance. I came up with a bunch of fun things we could do to get back on track and she seemed excited and apologized again for not being in the mood and not being the fun gf she used to be. So I know she knows how I feel and I know she's sorry, I just wish things would change I'm doing all I can to help. I thought of some fun things to do let me know what you guys think and if you think its a good way to get back into the groove.

- Watching porn and playing with each other as we watch. We've only did this once and I know she wasn't certain about how she felt about it but, I'm hoping it will put her in the mood.
-I said during the week we only have foreplay no sex. Then at the end of the week we just go crazy.
- We've talked about sex in semi public places and we both wanted to try. So I mentioned we should actually give it a shot.
- A mid week day of sex. before work, in the afternoon, in the shower, while dinner's cooking, and before bed.
- Is sex on top of the dryer good. She came up with this one and wants to try since our washer and dryer are in a room on our apartment floor. Semi public and risky and some vibrations?
- She also said how she liked that I initiated the other night. I haven't been doing that much since this whole thing started bc i've just been to frustrated. So I told her I would

 

Those all sound like excellent ideas, they all keep things fresh in my opinion. It sounds like she's wants to ask you to help her through all this, but is somewhat afraid to ask. I would take it all as a hint to keep talking to her and work with her through this rough patch. She basically admitted this when she said she liked when you initiated it. It just sounds like she needs a little push here and there, so don't give up on her.

 

Futilemonkey thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it. I understand what you mean by helping her through this and as you can see I'm trying all I can think of. I just wish I knew what I needed to do to get her to get in the mood when she's not . I guess the best way to describe it is if she's either 110% in the mood or stone cold, so its hard to turn her around when she's not in the mood which the last few months is always. Monday I didn't get in till super late and yesterday she was exhausted which she had a long day I will admit but I'm going to see what happens tonight I've hinted throughout the day that I wanted her (not that she picks up on the hints well) so well see what happens.

I just need some help maybe from some of you ladies and guys that have dealt with this on what can take you or your girl from not being in the mood at all to ready to go. Any advice posted soon I can try tonight!

 

So I have nothing to update last night went like usual tried but got the same responses plus some. I don't want to give up but I think I'm just going to sit back for awhile and see what happens who knows how long it could be, I'm just tired.

 

im just too tired

i have had long arduous days at work and can honestly say i have never been too tired to be intimate. But somehow my dear gf has this all the time. I know what you mean by rather reading a book or video games, atleast that way you dont get shot down for being amouris.
And "no affection" doesnt seem to work permanently either.
How about getting her on the forum aswell?
Got my gf to signup bc that way she can explore her swxuality annonamously, works when she goes online, which has been once.

Fuckit anyone for MW3?

 

Poor fellow, I know how you feel because I recognize myself in your situation.

Just some things I haven't seen in this topic, but which might help.

1/ Really check when she's in the mood. If it's a few days per month, it's because she feels she's in het fertile period. Women get hornier and sexier during these days.
2/ Did she ever experience any abuse? Even just one time could cause a hold-back for sex. Ask her or talk about it with her. If it happened, she might go and see a psych.
3/ Stress is a killer. Try to relax and try to get her relaxed.
4/ If she says you could have fun but she's too tired, you might try right away. But be careful, she might have sex just to please you. Furthermore, try "morning-sex".
5/ try to show the initial passion you had (not easy!). Send her a naughty text message before you get home. Kiss her passionately, rip her clothes off. Make her feel you want her.

Of course, there's no guarantee it would work. Communication is still the key and as long as the relationship is good, you will accept it. On the other hand, once it gets a little worse, this is one thing that may cause you to break up (it could even be an argument from her side!).