I am bumping this thread responsibly.:awesome:

 

Exactly. So maybe I'm postponing the consequences. Happiness is a state of mind and ignorance is bliss. I didn't say it wasn't cheating. I'm just saying whatever has come to pass is what it is, and being honest with my wife that I fell in love with another woman, even though I'm not fucking her, would destroy the world of everyone involved. I am also aware that in time my feelings for the other woman could diminish and my marriage could remain intact. I used to have a black-and-white view on this issue, but I've concluded that people don't know JACK SHIT until it happens to them. And I'm not talking about fucking, but romantic love which is a physiological condition of the brain which you cannot OPT to shut down. Furthermore, if I am truly in love, who the fuck is going to tell me the new relationship is not the right one?

Sounds all so pretty and neat doesn't it? I'll bet a dollar you've never been presented with this dilemma.

 

IMO if having an open relationship is important to you then share that desire with your spouse. If your spouse refuses you can either live with that or leave your spouse and find someone new.

Yes, if your wife is such a burden, leave her. Why you are forcing yourself to stay? better yet why don't you tell your wife about this other woman, so she can or might divorce you, I bet it will be much easier that way.

 

I don't think you people are reading anything I have written.

I am not having extramarital sex. And I love my wife, and I have a highly-functional relationship with my wife. And I enjoy being with my wife and her with me. There is no reason for me to LEAVE, because my other interest isn't going to leave her spouse, and she isn't going to have sex with me, until we are both divorced ( or widowed ) due to natural circumstances unrelated to our feelings. Which may be never! By most definitions, I am not cheating. What I'm talking about is called emotional infidelity. I have a friendship with this other woman, an emotional attachment, and a sexual chemistry that isn't being acted on. I love her, and she loves me, but we aren't fucking. If you think THAT is reason to get a divorce, you're going to wipe out 99% of the marriages out there. Should she abandon her kids? Should I abandon my wife's family? OF COURSE NOT. If I need to divorce just because I have feelings for someone, then ALL of you who come here and look at porn are 10x more guilty than I am because you're imagining you're fucking someone you don't even care about.

 

That's why sometimes I come off snobbish, or rude...I try to hold people at arms length. There is room in a person's heart to love more then one, and it's extremely rare that everyone is ok with that, especially with how it's only acceptable to live with one person.

 

Woohoo! You owe me a dollar I was married for 12 years. I had a flirtatious relationship with a coworker. When I recognized the feelings were becoming stronger I ended the friendship. Additionally, my wife wasn't as sexually adventurous as I had wanted. I lived with it. Sex wasn't the only difference we had and eventually the marriage failed for several reasons. I came away from the marriage with a better knowledge of what I wanted from a partner.

 

Hey...sometimes its a business trip to Atlantic City!!!:excited:

 

Maybe leaving your wife would be a better option for you both, but then again I might should butt out.

I don't get why these cheaters want to stay married, and continue to fuck people on the side. You are wasting someone's else's time, but then again I am asking a dumb question because humans are soooooooooooo fucking SELFISH.

 

One of the key advantages of the sexually sharing lifestyle is that it requires superior communication skills. You don't 'cheat' to play! You play to stay together.

That is, should you separate, you'll see it coming - instead of feeling like you've been blindsided.

We're only human. And trying to keep our common lusts interesting and alive. And that is good.

 

So they should be more sharing?

I wouldn't expect at 23 years old you'd understand. I judged everyone at that age too. Its easy to judge others when you have no stakes involved. You are not emotionally invested, or financially invested, in anyone else's marriage. From your point of view, life is simple, anyone can back out of marriage at any time and everything will be fantastic, you won't lose a lover and a companion that you legitimately love, mutual friends, children, pets, a house, a collective history that you enjoyed. You won't be abandoning your wife's parents who have come to treat you as a child of their own. At 23 years old you can start over from scratch without emotionally invalidating half your life and laying waste to the souls of everyone around you.

So what happens when you DO fall in love? I didn't fall in love until I was in my 30's. I loved my wife, and continue to love my wife, but I had never fallen in love in my life. I had no context for knowing. The longer we are married, our relationship continues to strengthen and deepen. She is a great companion and enjoy being with her. After that, things get difficult, because physiologically she and I don't have the right sexual chemistry, and as a result both our sex lives have suffered. The woman I fell in love with ( and her with me ) is my chemical match, but she has a character I'm not totally accustomed to, and for that matter she's taken. She's not going to lay waste to her family even if I was available either, because like me, she is quite comfortable where she is, in the life she has created, for as long as it lasts. We are not fucking around, but if one day circumstances allow, we might eventually be together. Until then, we aren't cheating, but I'll be damned if there isn't room in each others heart for each other in the meantime.

Now Michael Clemens says, he had a flirtatious relationship, saw where it was going and killed that friendship. Good for him? He made a decision. I owe him a dollar, hah. In the end his marriage failed anyway, but for all he knows, his soulmate was the one he turned down and he didn't know it.

I think the bottom line here is that life sometimes presents us with hard choices, and we sometimes have to pick and choose which conflicting virtues to elevate above others. In my case, I chose true love and emotional infidelity over honor and grief. Ultimately it was a function of my character. I'm satisfied with the decision and I know myself better for it.

As far as your assertion of "wasting someone elses' time", you assume that marriage is goal oriented and there is a prize at the end. There is not. Marriage is successful when it is a happy marriage, and that metric is measured day-by-day. In the end we're all dead. We need to find enjoyment in our lives and bring joy to others, and if that means shielding them from the uncomfortable and intractable realities of your every negative thought, then so be it. Guys don't tell their wives they look fat in a certain dress, and for the same reason they don't need to be telling them, Hey I'd like to fuck that waitress in the restaurant. Why do we lie? Because we're being considerate of everyone else's feelings. I believe that if someone expects total ruthless honesty in a relationship, they're going to find their relationship at an END.

THAT said, I can see your point of view too. You empathize with the woman being cheated on. And no one wants to be cheated on. I wouldn't want to be cheated on either. I wouldn't want to know that my wife had feelings for another man, even if she wasn't fucking him. But I also know this is the human condition. Relationships must be allowed to evolve, and even marriages must be allowed to fail. Maybe this is my politics speaking too. I don't believe the government needs to be telling us how to live our lives, and in this case, telling people to stay together under threat of financial penalty whose relationship may have run its course. I'll tell you what is selfish, since you used this word, is assuming the man you've secured is forever yours, that his heart has become your personal property, that you have trapped him, and he is no longer allowed to interact emotionally with other people in this world ( all the while you preserve total rights and privileges for yourself ). That is what is selfish, that is what is naive.

 

Not Just One Reason!

For some men it's a matter of numbers, ego when they age or proving their potential for being a viable lover to others. The most common starts with break down of communications in a relationship where one or both are dissatisfied and someone doesn't take it seriously. When I was dissatisfied I begged and pleaded to my wife that my sex life wasn't unconditional, that it should not be put off continuously and kept trying to make myself flexible to whatever was going on until, I realized I wasn't being listened to. The last warning was that, "After she was born with a pussy so, was another woman!" yes,yes to death I started looking and found someone continuing that dance every time it happen, always trying to talk to my wife in hopes I wouldn't have to look again! It would take years to make her realize that I wasn't going to be the usual husband who's pussy whipped into submission, it was a risk and brought us closer in years to come!

 

I have cheated and after years of self analysis I have come to believe it is because I had Mommy issues as a child. My parents sepatarated when I was quite young and I lived with my father for many years. I didn't get to see my mother enough and had no other female surrogate parent, no older sisters, no aunts.
I always seemed to be seeking female acceptance through sex and one partner wasn't enough, especially when that partner was very judgmental towards me.
So ladies, if you seek to know your man, understand his relationship with his mother as a child.

 

Well I guess, I can understand your view of where you are coming only a little. But the fact remain is, that marriage's and relationships are a waste of time when there's no honesty, and it's even more hurtful when you are constantly lying about things you should not have to. I be damn if I end up in a relationship or stuck in a marriage with a man that can't even tell the truth when he is talking to me, and not get anything out of it.Hell to be honest, if I ever do get married, I would instantly seek out divorce papers and sign my name on the dotted line, just in case I see any signs of my marriage falling into pieces. The last thing I need is to get him to sign.

 

to the guy who started the thread sorry for what happened with u and i am sure u r a hell of nice guy just to be able to forgive them coz i am dam sure if it was me in ur place i would not even be able to look at their faces

to all the cheaters : analyze all u want , make excuses , and find other ppl to blame but here r some facts

1- cheating is not always dick to pussy it is also emotional and mental
2- if u r big enough to start a relationship , get naked and have sex so u r responsible for the shits u cause no matter ur mother were not there or ur father was an ass
3- if u r not grown up enough to realize that u gonna see the same face every single day at the morning and this guy/girl is with u till the life over when u saying ur vows at church then ur stupid

now ppl cheat not coz it is taboo , not coz it is excited , and hell not coz they in love they just cheat coz they r heartless and selfish, they have no fuckin problem of risking their partners emotions and life if they found out

throw stones at me all u want , but u r just MEAN SON OF BITCHES

 

exactly my point red rats, I can agree with you on so many levels.

 

I cheat because my wife is all woman and sometimes I want a man.

 

I've been on both ends of it. I just got out of a long term relationship because of it (on her part). I guess there are a lot of reasons why it happens. Taking for granted and not keeping things fresh and I guess the whole covert aspect of it makes it exciting. When I've done it in the past it was these things and you just lose your mind and focus on what's really important. For myself anyway what comes around goes around, even though I did not cheat on my last girlfriend or the one before her.

 

Then go be with a man.

 

True, cheating is a despicable act, yet each person must make their own choices, however disturbing or misaligned their intentions.

I once asked myself why my ex cheated on me, but I suppose it doesn't matter.
It happened and all the better for it, I knew she wasn't good for me after that.

It sounds like you've had personal experience, sorry if you had.
Just remember, it's not like cheating is a drop of water on the pond.
Sometimes it takes a toll being torn between two things which so wholly hold your interest and desires.

There, post.
=D

 

Just my humble opinion so please don't be a hater! lol

When I cheated on my first wife it was because I am a horny egotistical selfish prick. If I cheat on my current wife it will be for the same reasons. There are as many reasons that people cheat as there are cheaters. We all tend to rationalize our own actions, it's just human nature. If I cheat I have what feels to me like a legitimate reason. If I don't cheat the same is just as true. I love watching how we all do that. Please, before you jump in my shit note that I include myself in my statements. I have no room or desire to judge anyone.
I do have to say I am amused by people who have sex with 500 partners before they get married and never mention that to their new spouse but think cheating is some horrible thing. I'm pretty sure the sin of omission is about as crappy as an out and out lie. Besides, if I am on a sex site like this and I have some naughty chats with a few people the odds are real strong that I was the unwitting partner in someone else’s cheating, even if it was only cyber. Does that make me a cheater too? (My humble opinion is that yes it does but I know lots of folks would disagree.) Cheating has gone on as long as there have been any form of "marriage" and it will continue to go on as long as any form of "marriage" exists. I believe it is just another part of the human condition.
For me the author Tom Robbins says it best when the character in his book says, "The only true aphrodisiac is new stuff."