So the first time I had sex I couldn't cum, was because it was like in a toilet at a house party and no lock on the door people kept coming in which made me on edge the whole time..

Anyway since then I've had sex a load of times with different partners but I can never actually cum..

I can cum no problem when I masturbate but not actually during sex.. what's the deal here?!

Sometimes I find if hard to stay hard too, it's just like when I'm in the bed I have a million thoughts racing through my head and I can't really get into it.. I just want to be more relaxed..

My other theory is that I don't find normal sex kinky enough to get off on..

I'm a dude btw

 

Maybe your fear of being walked in on still bothers you.

The "million thoughts racing through your head" could be enough to distract you from staying in the moment and keeping yourself hard.

The problem is thinking about the moment while you're in the moment. If you aren't clearing your mind and focusing on what it is you are doing, expect to have these setbacks continue.

 

I think this is more common than you may think. I had the same problem with my first partner. Orgasm and ejaculation is a very private and personal thing that leaves you at your most exposed and vulnerable. Its not always easy to feel comfortable about this in the presence of another.

For me it was just a case of perseverance. Something that did help was learning to cum with her by receiving a hand job. I think it is easier to do this because

a) you are not under any pressure to give pleasure
and
b) you are not actually shooting your stuff insides someone's body

One positive of course is that you can screw like a world champ without fear of cumming too soon. You may even find you miss it later.

 

wow! I've never met a guy who had anything in his head during sex except "OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSS! I'M GETTING LAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" lol. This is an interesting topic to me. I had the same problem for a while. Still do, really. Only way I can get off is if I masturbate first, cum, then he jumps in while I'm still all sensitive and not quite recovered from the first one. Not perfect but considering we've been together for over 7 years, we're both just glad I can finally cum at all during sex! I'm ALMOST at my 1 year anniversary of my first orgasm. lol

 

thanks for the replies..

so no one thinks that it could be the fact I don't get turned on by 'normal' sex?

I don't really enjoy sex that much if it helps, I much much prefer the foreplay and getting head. Penetrative sex doesn't feel that great for me.. head on the other hand is magical..

I do get the voice inside my head, 'yes I'm having sex!' but only when it's with a random girl, like not with a girlfriend. But then I sort of get too overwhelmed by the situation in my head and then that just leads to a sort of absence of emotion... for example if you were witnessing a horrible murder and instead of being frightened or scared you're just silent and really have no thoughts... kind of like the 'rabbit in the headlights' senario..

 

You need to think less, and just act! Try doing it in a hotel/motel room, no distractions and you can focus completely on your partner and the sensations how everything feels. Also try to stop masturbating.

One of my ex boyfriends had trouble cumming, it was a little distressing for me so make sure you let a girl know it isn't her fault

 

well that just sound like it would be an awkward situation.. 'hey, don't worry it's not because you're ugly that I'm not busting, it's just this thing that I have'.. that would probably make it even harder for me to bust later because now it's like a thing.. 'is he going to do it, isn't he going to do it'

 

Masturbate less. Masturbating too much can really ruin things for you.

 

Yeah this is actually what I'm thinking is the problem.. can you shed some more light.. anyone? experiences?

 

I masturbate once, maybe twice daily. I've not noticed an impairment in "game time" performance. I hadn't heard of over-masturbation but anything in excess, (even Kim!:excited can be bad for you!

 

well, my usual prescription for guys who cum too soon would be masturbate as close to fun time as possible. I don't see why the other couldn't be true. Maybe just masturbate less... especially if you have a date or something coming up.

Yes, it's possible you've "desensitized" yourself to "normal" sex. But I would imagine that to be pretty rare. I still enjoy "normal" sex and I watch more crazy porn than my hubby. I watch more porn in general than hubby. lol I masturbate a shitload more than he does as well. But that's only a recent development since I've finally managed to orgasm.