I know there's been a bunch of these threads but I think each situation is different. Long story short, gf and I used to have tons of sex now its maybe once every 2 months. It's gotten to a point where I'm not even interested in having sex with her at all because those rare occasions the sex its boring. She's not a very sexual person by that I mean this, she's not the kind of girl to get loud, she'll try anything but wont get into it, she will put on a sexy outfit for me but wont really show it off or be sexy so it's just like taking her normal clothes off, never any foreplay,and sex builds a lot of anxiety for her.

So am I wrong to just not want to have sex at all? I've gotten to the point where I'm ok with it but I know it may upset her but after trying everything possible I'm just not interested.

 

You two aren't sexually compatible. Break up. That is all.

 

kinda agree that it would seem you aren't sexually compatible, but have you spoken to her, from what u say it seems shes not confident in herself, and of course if shes not confident in herself she wont want to show off sexy outfits etc....

 

I have spoken to her and she does feel bad, she appologizes all the time. I see what your saying about being sexual compatible in a way but I don't think that's it, because the first year of our relationship we had sex sometimes twice a day. She is on anxiety medicine which has effected her limbido big time, so I can almost understand her not being in the mood. I dont see how medicine can effect your confidence in bed. She told me sex for her is full of anxiety. She's always wondering if she's doing something right, how to be sexy, worrying I'm not enjoying, and no matter what I do she's just not confident in bed. I've done everything possible to help her feel differently. We are great together and our relationship is amazing besides our sex life. So back to the question asked would it be wrong of me to just not want to have sex at all?

 

If you think you can just "not want sex" and the rest of the relationship is worth it, then sure, give it a swing. Personally, I don't think that will work ling term. You are on here, so obviously sex matters to you. That's not really a switch you can just turn on (for her) or off (for you). Either way, good luck.

 

fiancee and I went through same thing until two days ago, things are much better now. She also is on medication and sex made her anxious. IF you two are serious about fixing this shoot me a pm.

 

Don't give up, if the meds are effecting her it might be worth you both visiting the doctor and seeing what might be possible as alternatives. Obviously I don't know the reasons for her anxiety but I get the feeling this needs to be addressed and possibly drugs are not an answer on their own.

 

I actually feel like I'm in a pretty similar position right now.

My current GF was a girl that I initially caught a very sexual vibe from, but once we got beyond the early thrill of a new relationship she just doesn't seem to be into it as much.

Or maybe she is, but we just don't click. We definitely don't click on our various turn-ons and she is not as laid back about sex as I am.

She's great in nearly every other way though so I'm continuing to explore options but I get a little frustrated sometimes.

For example, one time I tried to watch porn with her as a way to kind of relax and talk about what we liked or didn't like and so on. But she got so wound up as soon as I put it on that I just turned it off and said we could maybe do it again some other time. I don't think I ever felt farther away from her than at that moment. And of course after I turned it off she was insisting that she was fine with it and that I could put it on if I wanted to even though she was obviously on the verge of panicking, LOL. That made it even worse.

 

Wow I feel like you took the words out of my mouth! I would say we don't click when it comes to sex but when we used to have sex all the time It was great. We tried everything we could toys,positions,places, you name it. It just seems now that when we have sex she freezes like she dosn't know what to do. She has told me many times sex is awkward to her and she dosn't know how to be sexy( she's never been the porn star type). For example we've bought tons of outfits but she puts them on comes to bed we fool around and take it off: no seducing, teasing, anything.

 

Sent you a PM I would love to hear any advice you have.

 

Rothko your a good guy I really appreciate your advice. The medication has definatly helped her anxiety, she used to worry herself to the point she'd get sick and never sleep. It took 4 different medicines but she found one that helps but dosnt help her sex drive.

 

I'm not giving up on our relationship besides our sex life everything is perfect. To be honest her anxiety is built up by her own thoughts. She's one of those people that over thinks everything and instead of enjoying sex she worry's about everything from where her hands are to is she making the right facial expression. For example in order for her to come she literally has to concentrate so hard it often ruins the mood. I feel if she would just relax and let it feelings come it would make it more enjoyable, but I've tried everything and cant get her to calm down. I know I will cum but I want to give her the orgasm she should be having.

 

She sounds like me whan I was younger and with my ex. If you really love her, I would have few suggestions you could try. Do not wait for her mood, but tell her, how beautiful and utterly sexy she is. No matter if she looks that way at the moment or not or if she seems to appreciate your words or not. She does, but she needs time to learn to believe, you think she is sexy. Basically treat her like a sex goddess and remind her daily few times of that, but not the way you want to put your dick in her, but the way you want to worship her body all the ways imaginable.

Forget intercourses for few weeks. It takes time for her to start feeling you really want HER not sex. Dinners, baths, massage, kisses all over, little gifts (and I mean little, not expensive, something she likes and is funny) and lots of words how sexy she is. Do not talk like in porn movies, be convincing. For example, if you like her legs, talk about them, and how hot they are. Show her and people around that you are proud of her. First she will be blushing and asks you to stop, but believe me, she will love it, as long as you make sure it is all about her, not your want to put your dick in her.

When she believes you want her, not just some sex, she will be more than willing.

I was like her, sex was "no big deal", until I met my hubby and I just can't get enough of him! He treats me like a goddess in bed, reminds me constantly during the day how sexy I am and how much he loves and adores me AND my body. I am not perfect, but when he says it, I believe him. That turns me to confident sex graving slut with her.

 

Ditch her. Any gf who doesn't give sex is as we say in the UK "taking the piss/mick".

She's basically taking the relationship for granted. No man worth his salt would put up with that. Ditch her and tell her exactly why.

Her problem, not yours.

There are hundreds of horny women out there waiting for your dick.

 

Great advice Damsel, truly great.

 

You must understand it is a problem for both of you not just ur prob. or hers. She has to understand ur needs as well as you needed to understand hers.

I would go to a neutral place to talk candidly about everything and I mean everything dont leave any stone unturned.

 

before getting rid of her try to verbalize how beautiful or hot ect.. she is on a daily bases but don't go overboard with it. Try different things if you haven't already and if she doesn't change in a month or two then get rid of her. It's worked for me a few times in the past and I found it's just that these women were feelin insecure and really down.

 

Yep, that about sums it up....best of luck

 

I totally agree with you, but I've done exactly that. I'm always trying to reassure her that shes gorgeous and sexy and I'm always doing small things. I've done all the ideas you have mentioned and more. But I want to give everyones advice a shot so I'll continue doing what you said and try to add in ideas you gave me. THanks

 

I understand it's a problem for both of us. She does get upset that she's never in the mood and dosn't feel like she preforms. She apologizes to me about not having enough sex and not being sexy enough which is nice sometimes but it gets repetative when nothing changes. I try and reassure her that she's amazing in bed and so sexy she just needs to clear her head and enjoy it. As for my needs I just want to feel wanted and feel some intimacy in our relationship, I don't want this to lead to more issues. Lastly a habit she has gotten into has been bringing up that she wants to play/have sex that then/or that night and gets talking about it, but then we get to bed she just goes to sleep.