I couldn't ever speak for a guy in this situation BUT I can tell you being the female half of a relationship like this really does suck. It becomes depressing and alienating becasue you arent a couple except in name.

You don't socialise with other couples because your alone, all the expecations from all your life so far about what being married was going to be like seem totally trashed.

At the same time you cant act single because you arent so you end up working then going back to a room alone, eating alone, sleeping alone and having little life outside of working hours. Trust me this gets fucking depressing.

So when you do socialise and get someone pay you some attention it gets blown out of proportion very quickly.

Will it change?? Im not your wife but you need to take a step back and remind yourself you werent the only one alone and vulnerable, and her current reactions could well be guilt driven?

Ask her to go to counselling and talk things out with someone who can help.

 

Want some real advice? Start over. Take her out to a romantic dinner and just talk. Forget the past, forgive the past, and start over. If she cheats afterwards, then you'll already know what to do.

PS: Thank you for serving our country.

 

I don't know if marriage can last if you aren't everything to each other.

Doesn't really seem to matter to me that maybe she didn't do it until she was accused, I think what matters is that it went where it did, so you've got a lot of thinking to do.

In your own mind, can you trust her next time you're apart? Or can you love her no matter what?

Reading forums here and there, it seems some guys can live with their wife fucking around on them, even wanting them to in some fetishes, but it doesn't seem to be the same when lying is involved.. I for one wouldn't want my wife to just step out without some kind of involvement from me. And never if I don't say OK ahead of time.. My wife asks the same of me, and we are best friends, and talk about everything. I think that's why we're still together after 22 years.

If you both can't talk about EVERYTHING, then it might doomed for failure. So that's your first step. Sit down and have a long serious talk with her. NO threats, or anything like that. Think about what you want first, but then be honest and sincere, and ask her to as well.


Just keep calm and rational and get it all out in the open including how you feel, and ask her to do the same.

It may be possible to work things out, depending if she still wants to also. If your accusation really did come first, she may have been very hurt by it, so be aware of that also.

The key is still to talk to each other. You're both human beings and both have feelings, and insecurities. Not talking or just going out to hurt her back just makes sure it's over sooner.
And yes, if you can work through the talk, and you both still want it to work, then start over with each other.

 

First off, thank you for serving our country.

I survived through a divorce due to a cheating wife and I just want you to know that life does go on AND can become better...But ONLY if you want it to.

You mentioned that you went through a divorce already, but that's life. Life kinda sucks that way, but hey man, that's way its always been and I'm pretty sure that's the way its always going to be. Sometimes things just get so messed-up that the only solution is to start over.

As many people on here have already said, we don't know all the details in your relationship so take our advice with a grain of salt...You've got two choices here...1) Get a divorce and make a fresh start or 2) Ask her if she truly still loves you and see if she wants to work things out (considering of course you want to work things out as well).

Just keep these few things in mind while making your choice...1) sure you love her, but in a marriage love must go equally both ways 2) you know she lied, so what won't stop her from doing it again? Do you really think you could fully trust her again? If so, make sure you're not just lying to yourself. 3) I'm assuming you plan on having kids one day. Is this the type of person you want to have kids with? Also, is this the type of person you want raising your kids? 4) Is her infidelity really something you can live with the rest of your lives together? Self-pride is a REALLY tough thing to swallow no matter how much alcohol you try to drown it with.

There are still plenty of good, non-cheating ladies out there....Just be more patient and look a little harder next time...

And whatever you do, don't play the "you cheated on me, so now I'm going to cheat on you and let's see how that makes you feel!" game. Be an adult, do the right thing by getting your life back on the right track. Once you've done this and successfully moved on, the feeling is greater than any revenge you could think of dishing-out.

 

Dump that stinky bitCH

 

Definitely a divorce. One night stand or even two as a result of temporarily loneliness is forgivable but an affair that has certain emotions meddled in it would deteriorate the marriage on her part. Sorry bout ur marriage dude.

 

Like everyone keeps mentioning, we may not know all the facts but from the little I've read I get the impression that you married her, sure maybe out of love too, but moreso to stake your claim. You got married when you lived 4000 miles apart. You've been in the military for about 3 years atleast? And you don't know some people in long distance relationships stray? I think you do and that's why you married her, cause you thought it might keep her from straying. I wonder if she was "allowed" relations before you got married.

But once you thought she did cheat, it sounds like you pounded on that. Pounded so much on it, it seems she went and did it and doesn't care anymore. Sex twice and a blowjob? Seems more like she's looking for a way out of an abusive relation.

What should you do? Why divorce her of course. You say you love her, love her how? As a possession? Someone else on this thread mentioned that their spouse is their best friend, this doesn't seem to be your best friend. Can you trust her again? Do you think that you will ever be able to have a squabble without you mentioning her giving a guy a blowjob?

You're scared of divorce? Why? is it a religious thing?

Why didn't you refinance?

What does having no car while overseas have anything to do with anything? Is it you can't stay with your soon to be ex? They have barracks on base, right?

Never marry a chick who doesn't live with you. What would I have done, stayed a realist and voted for safe ,no strings attached sex while living long distance. And supplied her with a bone clone.

 

There is some really good advise from some of you. Thank you! It's been a week now and I would think that she would be more affectionate and just more genuinely sorry. She says that's not how she works. I guess I was being a bit controlling and insecure but the thing is, is that I wouldn't have been if she told me the truth from the start. All I can say is this shit sucks and now I'm stuck in the biggest decision I've had to make in a while. I don't really believe in divorce but a couple of things I always told myself were that the other person always had to be truthful and faithful otherwise I'd leave them. Now that I'm in this position it's hard.

 

Well to anyone that cares here is the updated situation.. A couple weeks after I found out she had an affair and that she told me she was done with him, she didn't respond to any of my texts one day and she only did that when she was with him. Well I stopped by his house and sure enough she was there. She was there for a couple of hours and I had previously told her and him that if they see each other anymore I was going to bring it up my chain and get them both in trouble for what they were doing. Well I didn't do it to get them in trouble, I did it so she would stop talking to him. Since then I have gotten a house by myself and am trying to make it on my own. Every day is a struggle. I haven't really started to heal yet from any of this. I found out last night that she is once again talking to him and she doesn't talk to me much anymore. But when she does talk to me she's telling me she wants this to work.

I'm officially done with this woman. It just sucks that I gave up everything I had stateside to move to England to be with her and now I don't have her either. Everything just sucks. I'm trying to make friends but I'm just not too good at that. I'd really like a female friend that can come over (not for sex) and to just sit and spend time with. Maybe someone who can relate to me. I am scared to ever love again or two put myself out there again cause I don't want this to happen again.

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.

Good luck xx

 

Thanks secret! This is my second marriage and the love I have for this woman is nothing to how I felt about my first wife. I know it's sad but it's true. I got married really young the first time (19) and did it for unknown reasons.

 

Long distance relationships only work for short periods of time. Unless you're planning to get together and fuck once a month, you shouldn't be so angry toward your wife. Being four thousand miles away from someone is difficult. You do feel alone. You do crave sexual intimacy. You do want to see that person and when you can't, you substitiute someone else for them.

 

Well, at this point, there is no chance of salvaging the relationship - for whatever reason, she is feeling more emotionally connected with this other guy. The fact she is continuing to see him, even just to talk, is probably worse than the original sex.

Time to accept that and move on. You can blame her, the distance, or whatever - but no point in trying to "fix" this.

But, also - it's time for some you time. Don't go looking for a relationship right away. You've had two failed marriages. It's time to look at what you are doing in relationships, both in the partners you pick, and how you work within those relationships. The biggest and hardest thing for you is to get by your own hangups. You have to start with trust - which I know will be hard for you, having being cheated on.

I know it may not be your cup of tea, but some casual dating and hook-ups may be good for you. Spend time with women without building it up to marriage levels.

Good luck, try not to let it get you too down - remember to live for yourself first for a while.

 

Sorry to hear about the chain of events but, it'll get better now that you don't have to wonder or worry "Is she doing this or that?" You may not find love but, I'm sure you'll find happiness if you don't push too hard and rush into anything! Best Of Luck On The New Life in England, Milo

 

I'm a Marine vet. So I've been through some of the same shit. I say get a divorce and break it off clean. Once someone cheats they'll do it again.

 

Most important question. Do you believe her and can you trust her??? What makes you think she will not do it again?

 

WTF is in the air lately? a couple freinds on facebook are splitting up their relationships, a few posts on here seem to be implying splitting up, I'm getting divorced, last night I ran into an old bar acquantince and found out she was getting divorced. It's summer, isn't it supposed to be love in the air, not breakups??

 

Sadly a lot of military relationships never work, the distance is what kills it. They end up finding someone better.

I would dump her and move on.

There is no love if there is cheating that's how I feel about it.

:rose:

 

long distance relationships in general dont work, IMO