How do you initiate sex?

Backstory:
Fiancé and I have been together for 6 years (engaged since November) and sex was hot and heavy at first but lately we have been having issues. It seems that while I get turned on easily she takes a bit longer to get in the mood and ready for sex. When we first started dating she would get soaking wet but after a med change she doesn't get as wet so lube is used. She has said that lately sex hurts because while I don't have a huge dick(I'm average) I am thick. This has led her to be hesitant about sex. My problem is that she finally said my approach to initiating sex is very predictable and after 6 years isn't working too well to get her aroused when she already isn't. It's the only approach I know so I'm clueless about what to do.

My way of setting the mood: I start by kissing her neck, top of her chest, and her face and lips. While doing this I run my hands up and down her body touching her thighs, arms, ass, tits, and pussy (over her clothes). Eventually I work my way under her clothes and start asking her if she wants to have some fun (or some version of asking if she wants to fuck) (I can't ask her that directly cause that is a turnoff for her, she is great at talking dirty while I'm horrible at it and I end up laughing at myself or we both start laughing). At this point she either says yes and is genuinely turned on but her pussy is still very tight and she ends up very sore) or she is only mildly turned on but we have sex anyway and he has pain during sex, or she says no ( but not that bluntly).

I know using the same approach every time is boring but I'm honestly clueless as to other ways to initiate sex and/or get her turned on. I've tried different positions but usually end up rubbing her clit, then fingering her then fucking her missionary. I can make her cum from going down on her but once I stop I go back to my same old moves. I'm at a loss at this point which is why I come to you ll for advice.

I hope you can help me get her craving my cock again when I try to get her turned on.

 

Haha, Its good

 

I think you have to approach the matter emotionally rather than physically. It won't work to just start feeling her up. Work on setting the mood...maybe over dinner or drinks, some subtle or not-so-subtle flirting. Tell her how beautiful she looks, how much you become aroused just by looking at her or thinking about her, by the little things she does that turn you on.

Or you could just look at porn together.

 

thats what i was thinking a nice dinner flirting

maybe after youve done your normal routine to have her naked using ice or chocolate do something to mix the foreplay up and to mix the sex up do it somewhere you cant fuck her missionary, shower standing up, kitchen, couch with her on top

 

All women are different. Some, god bless 'em, are really freaking different. Asking help from people who don't even know her is about as useful as asking a submarine captain about the far side of the moon.

Ask her what turns her on. If she's embarrassed to tell you, ask her to write it in a sexy e-mail to you.

Ask what she thinks a nice date would be like, or what kind of things she fantasizes about, or what she thinks of when she masturbates (if you have a close enough relationship for her to admit she masturbates).

Then you can come back here and regale us with stories of your fantastic sexual prowess on the morning after.

 

Try different fetishes you have heard or read about, here's a few.
Sucking her toes
Role playing
Light bondage- tying her up, her tying you up
Spanking

Or do things as a couple before taking off all your clothes.
Watch movies
Read stories from here or something like Penthoue Forum books
Take a bath or shower together


Or when neither of you are in the mood, ask her if she has any fantasies, or what she feels like turns her on the most and have an open mind.


As for how to talk dirty for you; I would read some stories in the Sex Stories forum, some are really good and might give you some ideas.


One last thing, you mention she had changed meds...... I really hope your being supportive and understanding. Meds really can alter your libido, and have physical or psychological changes.

Good luck

 

That's why I'm here I'm trying what I can so she won't feel like its all her fault

 

Rather than making changes in Foreplay alone try different things.Maybe start with learning Squirting if Anal is too hot for you.This will add the much needed variety in bed.

 

I think you need to identify what the problem is. If it is a change in meds then perhaps its worth talking to her doc.

It seems to me that she is into you having sex but that she is not sufficiently turned on before you start. In other words she wants it but needs more time to get properly lubricated and into it.

If it is simply a matter of adjusting her meds then that is something the doctors I sure can help with. Otherwise it might be you need to be more patieint and more monotonous when it comes to foreplay. Plenty of clitoral stumlation, perhaps introduce a vibe into the proceedings.

Maybe you could try other stuff rather than focusing in penetrative sex, Mutual masturbation, oral sex, toys etc

 

The meds could be making it so she CAN'T get as wet. Invest in a good quality lube. I use to get absolutely drenched when turned on but due to my hormones being imbalanced, I barely get wet at times. I swear by my Astroglide, a few drops on my pussy and a few on his cock and we are good to go.

As for your style of initiating it? I don't know what would work for your lady but I know what works for me. My husband kisses the back of my thighs, licking the crook of my knee or my ankle. (I lay on my belly when I use the computer) Sometimes him just messing with my legs will drive me over the edge and make me orgasm. Find what drives her wild. If your usual manner isn't doing it and you aren't good at dirty talk, then ask her. Have her take the lead once. Also.... laughing isn't always a BAD thing. I told my husband if I am laughing, I am having fun. He rarely does dirty talk because he likes the sounds I make but when he does, it makes me giddy. I giggle. He said he likes it when I do because it makes me tighten around him.

 

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After the mood setting, and playful flirting,...
blind fold her and tease her away from the typical place yall do it in. Lite bondage,..and tease her with your hand, mouth,..toy(s). And if you want to pull this off in the living room, throw on some sexy fucking music. Something that will match your tempo of seducing her. And keep her blind folded.

 

Give her your paycheck?

LoL

I think you can butter her up different ways... try doing the dishes a couple nights a week... clean the bathroom... take some stuff off her plate. If you're doing nice things for her I think she'll be more open to doing some nice stuff for you. Give her flowers or wash her car or buy her some lingerie...

How about going up behind her when she's doing the dishes and just hold her from behind, and gently kiss her neck. If you get a hard on, rub it against her booty and just walk away. Tease her. Give her a massage just to do it, to make her happy, not for a favor in return. Do things you did when you first started dating... go to the movies and make out, or go visit your parents where you have to dry hump in the closet and aren't "allowed" to have sex. Have a "first date" where you pick her up from the house, and have a kiss at the end of the night. You two are married, you should be comfortable enough to do silly things like this. Good luck