I just posted this. Be honest, be harsh. That's what I want. ;D I'm glad to be apart of the community that I've been around for so long discretely.

I feel kind of awful about it, there are few spelling errors- ones that I should not have missed. They aren't too noticeable (they're commonly misspelled words) and shouldn't take away from the story.

I will post more of this story depending on the feedback, of course. Thanks!

-Anita




**********************************



I've always been attracted to men. Of course I'm not stating that I'm not a lesbian- that's obvious. MEN are grown, wise, intelligent, and well.. experienced. Boys my age have never appealed to me. This is a story about how I fell in love with someone that made things very complicated for the both of us. More so than complicated... it was dangerous. My interests have never really gotten me into too much trouble. Except this one.




"You're so fucking tight, baby." He groaned. His hands were squeezing my hips to the point that it was hurting, but his cock felt so fucking good. I was bent over my desk, my breasts hanging off the side while being furiously fucked from behind. "Does it feel good baby? Do you like the feeling of my cock moving in and out of you?" The only sound I could make was a moan. He put his thumbs on the inside of my ass cheeks and spread them, letting himself fuck me deeper. "You love it fast and deep, don't you? You love being fucked by a man. You love how I can actually make you feel good. This pussy is mine." He grabbed my hair and pulled my head towards him. He leaned down while still fucking me and hissed in my ear. "Or do you like it slow? I'll fuck you so slowly that you won't know how to handle it. You'll beg me to move my cock faster, deeper, and I won't do shit." He kissed me and started to rub my clit while fucking me slowly.




I opened my eyes and stared at my ceiling. Another dream about him. My "inner alarm clock" had gone off and I knew it was exactly 6:30 am. I could spare five minutes...




I moved my hand over my mound and felt how soaked my panties were from my dream. "I have to be quick." I reminded myself. I shoved my finger into my my shorts and started rubbing my clit. I was already soaking wet from my dream. My parents were at work- they always left early. Being loud made masturbating all the better. I bit my lower lip as I kept on rubbing my clit, pausing to bury my fingers in my pussy and fuck myself. I let out a loud groan. I closed my thighs together and lifted up my legs, imagining my lover holding my legs and up shoving himself in my pussy. I felt the familiar build up. I rubbed my clit until I was close and stuck my finger from my other hand into my pussy to rub the G spot in a 'come hither' motion. I squealed as I came fabulously.




I lifted myself up and stretched. I felt the sun beaming on my face. Ah, spring- not too hot and not too cold. I made my way towards the bathroom. I had a specific routine at my age of seventeen in the mornings; On school days I'd wake up an hour early, do the typical "wash face, brush teeth", apply a bit of makeup (nothing too extreme, I love flat natural colors) to help bring out my brown and green eyes and define the more appealing areas of my face. I have a freckle on my chin and a "button" nose. My eyebrows were taken care of and I had naturally thick eyelashes that helped my eyes stand out more. Thanks to my parents, I was blessed with fairly good looks. My hair was, most days, wavy since straightening it had mostly become too time consuming. It may be difficult with me at times, but I've learned to love my my naturally black hair. It accented well with my light skin color. I learned how to bring out my good features because my mother was a hairstylist and makeup artist. It was easy to absorb everything she knew. Before school I'd have a cup of black coffee, check my Facebook and email, and munch on whatever food was laying around since I didn't want to bother preparing something so early in the morning.




My parents were already gone for the day. I noted the time they'd be home which was around 7:00 tonight. My parents were very busy people who had long, hectic work schedules. I've never felt neglected nor traumatized that they weren't around much. I knew they cared about me and loved me. I understood that they were working to support our family. My dad was a software engineer who had always been good to our family and I've never taken my parents for granted nor will I ever. My mom was at the studio working on her models most likely. I smiled and thought to myself how lucky I was to have a good family and my own private time. I cherished it.




I threw my backpack on and began the short walk to school.




I put in my ear buds and put on a large beanie to stop the wind from wrecking my hair. "What do I want to listen to today?" I shifted through my phone's music playlist to see what I could find. Picking music is essential when you're walking to school. Choosing the wrong song can set you in the wrong mood and give you a bad start to the day. (This was my logic). '1975 by Milo Greene.' Perfect. I loved calming music in this kind of weather. I put my ipod in my pocket and got ready to enjoy my music and my walk.




I spotted my friend Brian across the street. "Great," I thought. I yanked the chord from my pocket and shoved it in my sweater, knowing I was about to be interrupted anyway. "Lydia!" Brian called. I waved, knowing he'd greet me with the usual big bear hug. "How are you?" he asked me as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. "I'm good thanks," I said. I gave him a light pat on the back as we were embraced. "What are your plans for today?" I asked him, trying to get a conversation going to break the awkwardness. "Same old, same old. Gonna try to survive through class then go home and game it up. You wanna come over after school?" His eyes sparkled. I sighed. "I have a bunch of homework I have to finish up tonight as it is, I don't know how much will pile on after today. We'll post-pone?" He stopped walking. "What will it take for one chance, Lydia?" He tried to keep a small smile on his face. This was a usual conversation between us. I just wasn't in the mood right now. "I'm sorry Brian," I apologized. "I just don't have the time." And we walked to school in silence.




The class I looked forward to the most was English. This was my favorite class. I knew plenty about this subject. I was an avid reader, and having such a smart father (again, I absorbed a lot from him) made me look like a pro in this class. But that's not what I loved it.




"Is everyone awake and ready today?" Mr. Benson asked the class. I got goosebumps. His voice was beautiful. There was something about it that sounded melodic. He walked over to his desk and picked up current book we were reading this semester. Even the way he walked was perfect. "I asked if everyone was awake and ready?" He repeated, adding a bit of sarcasm in his voice. The class groaned, "YES." I smiled. "Good. Now take out your books. Does anyone remember where we left off in Anthem?" Anthem was a fantastic book we were reading by Ayn Rand. No one raised their hands. I knew where we had left off. Hell, I had already read the entire book. It was beautiful. Mr. Benson looked around at the class and then looked at me. When our eyes locked I felt my pussy twitch. "Calm yourself, Lydia." I told myself silently as he continued to gaze around at everyone in class.




Mr. Benson wasn't your average man. He was gorgeous. Gorgeous is an understatement. He looked like he could be an actor or a model. HAH, an actor. He might as well be in a movie because he was too good to be true. He wasn't married, he was smart, he was beautiful. What's there not to love? I constantly saw girls staring at him in class, being flirty with him, teasing him with their cleavage or their short skirts. I've felt a little threatened but the idea of him being with a student was entirely unrealistic. A teacher to be with a student... I felt myself zone out and begin daydreaming about Mr. Benson. One where he knocks everything off his big desk and lays me on top of. He'd lift up my shirt and begin attacking my breasts, kissing them, caressing, licking, sucking with everything he's got while he grinds his pelvis into mine. I'd feel his hard cock against my pussy, letting me know how much he wanted me right then and there. I could feel my pussy throbbing. Fuck was I horny.




The bell rang for our next class. Everyone got up and started walking out and I, very purposely, made sure I'd be the last one out. I've always hoped he'd stop me and embrace me for a kiss. OH, those silly day dreams of mine.




"Lydia." I turned around instantly. He looked at me intently. "Is everything okay with you today? You seemed like you were somewhere else." I quickly replied, "I must've not had enough coffee to get me going," I lied. I told myself within that 3 second pause that he was just concerned about his top student, not looking for an underage fuck that could get him fired. "Cut back on the coffee, Lydia," he smiled. His perfect, perfect smile. "You're too young to be so reliant on that. Wait until you're out of high school to get so caught up in all the 'adult' stuff that you can enjoy the pleasure of not dealing with for now." I laughed lightly and threw my bag on and headed towards the door. "It won't be long until I'm out of high school, Mr. Benson." I made eye contact with him. There was a look in his eyes I didn't quite recognize. Was it lust or anger? I couldn't decide, nor did I want to stick around to find out. I hurried myself out of the classroom before getting a reply. "What have I done?" I thought. I closed the door on my way out.




I ran into the girls bathroom and held on to the sink to keep my balance. I gripped both sides of the counter and looked at myself in the mirror. "What am I doing?" I asked myself. This was out of bounds. I'm a logical thinker, I'm prepared for almost everything. I'm a smart, mature girl who doesn't make irrational decisions. I'm rare and I know it."So why did you fucking have to HIT on a teacher?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If anything, he'd find it inappropriate and shrug it off. Surely he wouldn't feel comfortable telling any one of the other faculty about it. Of course he wouldn't. I'm an attractive, seventeen year old girl that just hit on my teacher. Telling people won't make him look good.




But what if he liked it? I mean, he was a man after all. Being my teacher doesn't unable him to notice someone attractive, even if it is his student. It can't shut his mind from thinking about fucking that person either.. He WAS a man. Men think about sex all the time, don't they? I came to the harsh realization that as much as I may know about a lot of things, the male human mind was not one of them.




My other 2 classes were a blur until I hit lunch time. I grabbed my lunch from the cart- a blueberry muffin, a can of Arizona Green Tea, and an apple. I wasn't feeling that hungry today. I looked for a place to sit that would suit this weather. I had brought my sun glasses and decided it would be nice to sit in the field behind a large tree. It was sort of my get away spot.




I made my way towards the tree and sat behind it to block my view of anyone else in the area and vise versa. I didn't care for any socializing right now. I decided to take out my ear buds and listen to the song I had intended to listen to earlier before Brian had interrupted me-




"Lydia!" Really? That was my luck. Brian plopped down next to me. "I wanted to talk to you about today." I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses. I hope he didn't notice. "I don't want to be that guy in the friend zone. Give me a chance. I've been as nice, considerate, polite and VERY persistent. You owe me a chance." He was right. He has been very nice... and persistent. My pussy was still even throbbing from Mr. Benson earlier. He's been on my mind all day. But using Brian as a temporary fill? And how would I even do that? Listen to him flatter me? What more do I need?




"Brian, listen." I said, "You're a great guy. It's not that I'm completely uninterested. I just have too much on my mind right now with school to even begin to have feelings for someone." Well, it wasn't a complete lie. "I'm glad that you've stuck by me and thanks for being so patient." I glanced up at him, afraid of what he'll say. He was, in all honesty, a very attractive boy. But that's the thing, he's a boy. Not a man. If I didn't have such fucked up obsessions with older men then I'd probably have feelings for Brian. It wasn't him, it was me. But I wasn't about to tell him that. He had stunning green eyes and dark hair. Both of his ears were pierced. His hair was always styled the infamous "bed head" look which I did admire (on older men) and his teeth were, in other words, perfect.




"Lydia. If you at least give me a chance then I'll leave you alone. You can decide and if you're not interested I'll stop pestering you." I stared at him. Well, he can have his 'chance' but he won't have much luck- then I'd simply tell him that I wasn't interested and I can stop rejecting him over and over. "Okay, Brian. Fine. Let's do it." I sighed. What now? I just say I'm giving him a chance? I didn't even know how that worked. I looked at Brian and his perfect teeth were showing with one wide grin. "Good." He said. "Then now I can do this." He leaned over and kissed me.




I was not expecting that at all.




I didn't feel my heart flutter or fireworks go off. All I felt was my pussy throb even more. I thought about the possibilities of this- or at least I tried. I think my horniness had created some sort of shield that wouldn't let me think straight...



so I kissed him back.



I put my hand to his neck, lost in the passion of this kiss that was now growing with more lust. I pulled him deeper into the kiss. I ran my tongue along the bottom of his lip. He grunted as soon as my tongue traced over his lip and put one hand around my waist to pull me into him, massaging my tongue with his. I moaned into his mouth as I felt my breasts make contact with his chest. He slid his other hand onto the round of my ass and squeezed it. I gasped. How could all this happen so fast? He gave my ass a playful smack and my body twitched. His lips still on mine locked in a passionate kiss, he moved his hand from my ass, up my hip, over my stomach and put his hand over my breast. He began to massage my breast and I had to break my mouth from his to moan into the sky. He quickly moved his lips to my neck and began suckling my skin, giving me wet kisses. "Oh god, Brian. We shouldn't be doing this here." I said between gasps as he began to move his hand down my stomach towards my pussy. He took a handful of my hair, that I had tried to hard to keep nice since this morning, and gently pulled it down so I was looking up at the tree, now covered in blossoms. Oh, spring. He put his lips to my ear and bit my lobe. He whispered, "No one will see us, Lydia. I've wanted you for a long time. A long, fucking time." He started rubbing my mound outside my jeans. I continued to moan as he hissed in my ear. "I've dreamt of this since I've first laid eyes on you. I'm not about to stop." He traced his tongue around my ear before sucking my lobe. I moaned as he undid the button on my jeans and unzipped the fly. "I'm going to enjoy this, Lydia." He stuck his hand down the front of my pants, under my panties and traced a finger up and down my slit. "Someone obviously is enjoying this too. Fuck you're so wet, baby." My body twitched as his finger brushed my clit. "Mmm.. that's what you want, isn't it, Lydia?" He was rubbing circles over my clit. I could feel how wet I was. I couldn't control the noises coming from my mouth. "Oh, yesss. Brian. Yessss." I purred. "Tell me what you want, baby. Is this it?" I gasped loudly knowing no one could hear us. "Touch my pussy, Brian. Don't stop. Please don't fucking stop." Brian smirked. "That's my girl." He adjusted himself so that he could move his hand further down in my jeans. He worked his middle finger into me. "Fuck you're so tight, Lydia." As he began to move his finger in and out of me. The feeling was fucking incredible. "I wanna make you cum baby. Say my name when you cum."



Suddenly Mr. Benson popped into my head. I felt my heart flutter.




Brian was furiously finger fucking me while his palm was rubbing my clit. I've never been stimulated like that before. "I'm getting close baby." I panted, moving my hips to meet his finger fucking. "Oh Mr. Benson," I thought as I felt Ryan fingering me. I felt that same build up again. "I'm so close to cumming, Brian," I said with shut eyes. I couldn't look at him, I wanted Mr. Benson to be what I see. Brian shoved a second finger in me and started fucking me hard. That was it, I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed his name "FUCK I'M CUMMING, BRIAN." I said loudly, not caring if anyone could hear me. "Say my name again, baby," he moaned as he felt me cumming on his fingers. I had almost let the wrong name slip out, but I let out a mighty, final moan. I let out the most intense, feel-good orgasm I've ever experienced. "BRIAN! AHHHHHHHH! FUCK!" I felt my juices flow out of me as the walls of my pussy were clamped around Brian's fingers.




My heart was racing and I had beads of sweat on my forehead. He brushed his finger over my clit as he took his hand out of my jeans. My body twitched from the touch. "So sensitive, are we?" Brian teased. He brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked my juices off of them. "Mmmm. I know what I'm doing to you next time, baby." I groaned and fixed myself up. We got up and started walking back toward the lunch quad. Brian grasped my hand in his and smiled at me. I falsely smiled back, knowing who I really wanted.




I've never came so hard in my life. As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I used Brian. I imagined it was Mr. Benson who made me cum. Was that why I came so hard? I decided that I'd continue using Brian to fill my desire for Mr. Benson. Brian gets me in any sexual way he wanted, and I get the horniness out of the way so my desires don't drive me insane. So what if I pretend Brian is Mr. Benson. That was fair, was it not?



...What have I gotten myself into?

 

I really thought it was a great beginning! You have to continue.

 

Alright welcome to the forum, it is nice to see a new writer! I really enjoyed your story, leaving it it very open for another chapter. I never find it wrong to think about another person while having sex, or doing sexual things with a different person, that is why they are fantasies, just be careful not to say the wrong name, but if you do hold on real tight haha.

My only beef with your story is that I was always taught to start a new paragraph when each person speaks. I simple example of what I am trying to say is this...

"What are you wearing right now?" Keven asked as he began to stroke himself.

"Oh just my lacy red bra, and matching thong." Shelia replied feeling herself getting wet.


It breaks it up where the reader isn't confused on who is speaking. There were a few mistakes here and there but I think the biggest one is when you referred Brian, as Ryan one time. But other than that I didn't see anything that takes away from it. Would love to read another chapter of this story.

 

Excellent Read.

I look forward to seeing more from you.

FM

 

Welcome to the community and the story is very good.

The only suggestion I could make has been hit on by HCB; whenever a character is speaking, start off a new paragraph.

I will say you are off to a wonderful start.

One thing I would encourage; the next Calling All Writers (CAW's) reading session will be starting friday. As the stories are posted, look at each one and see how different authors develop their own styles (mine is rather quirky to be blunt), in a short time a style and manner distinctive to your own will come along; and with a bit of practice, flow like magic.

Up front, I see potential here for an excellent to exceptional story.

One you might want to read on the main site is called "The Selkie." Its worth reading.

 

I HATE it when a recommendation is given without a link to the item:

The Selkie

Snow, go see madam to get your lashes for leaving that information out of your post
Ejls, your next appointment is here

 

Fantastic story.




As for the tips, I've definitely noted everything you've said to me. Thanks for the advice, my next story will be much better.

 

i think the story was great just the way it is written keep it up

 

Your Story

Anita I thought your story was quite good well thought out and very believable! I would encourage you to continue writing this story. H&R

 

Hello

That was very very hot. Thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading more from you :rose:FJ:rose:

 

Thanks so much! /blush

 

A few thoughts

I think there are two main areas for you to work on.

The first is to get your story tighter. The story, the real story starts in the classroom and what goes on before is really just scene setting. Be ruthless, if it doesn't help the narrative then lose it. How many words would it take to tell us your character is an unsupervised slut with the hots for this English teacher?

You do want to set the scene but you don't want to waste too many words doing it.

Second work on making your sentences flow. If you read DC or WSF you'll see how they do it ( explain it to me if you work it out cause I'm still trying ).
I found your style quite choppy (although it did improve once you got to the nitty gritty) and consequently quite hard to read; attention to how it flows for the reader will pay big dividends.

Hope that's of help- and welcome to the community of insecure neurotics , good to have you here.
:rose::rose:

 

Sorry Darthel - I did indeed forget the link, my bad.

 

I'm new here also, but i found your story very interesting. It has the feel of being authentic. I want to encourage you. :grin:

 

LOVED YOUR STORY

I was impressed with your story and liked it alot. I thought you to be very authentic, and real.

 

Goodness, very good!! I love it

 

Aw, shucks! You say the nicest things, PP. :excited:

On sentence and dialog flow:

Others have pointed it out -- it's conventional form to give each speaker his/her/its own paragraph. It breaks up the text visually, which makes it easier to read.

If you've developed your character enough that the reader has at least an idea of who and what they are, you can start to cut down on the use of "he said," "she said," "he asked." If the reader knows each speaker's viewpoint in an argument or a discussion, the characters can develop their own "voice" for the readers, making identifying each speaker every time a word is said less necessary.

Another trick is to have one speaker address the other by name: "John, could you come here?" If there are only two people in a story, John and Mary, you can bet that line was spoken by Mary.

That helps story flow. So does reading your stuff out loud before you post, which is a lot easier if you live alone. If it sounds natural and flows well when you hear yourself read it, it should do the same thing with your audience.

I credit ejls for a lot of the above ideas. She was the one who explained them to me.





Oh, and welcome to the Hotel California.

[YOUTUBE]Ua9DN8ZXmOw&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]

 

I don't think there's any big secret. There are a couple of rules that I follow that help to make my sentences flow better.

1. Never start a sentence with the same word more than twice in a row, and try to avoid even twice in a row whenever possible. This is particularly difficult in first-person perspective, where you tend to start all sentences with "I". It's easier in third-person perspective, where you can mix pronouns with their antecedents.

2. Don't use too many short sentences. A sentence is meant to convey exactly one idea. A short sentence conveys that idea quickly, which pushes it all in your face at once. That's great when you want to emphasize something, but not so great when that's not your goal. A good rule of thumb is to never put two short sentences together; always separate them with a longer one.

3. The typical Subject-Verb-Predicate construction is strong, which is also good for emphasis. However, it puts the emphasis right up front, so always starting sentences this way feels monotonous. You can get around this in several ways, such as beginning a sentence with a subordinate clause. This breaks up the monotony by weakening the beginning of the sentence, allowing it to build to the strong point in the middle or end. There's a technical definition of a subordinate clause, but I use an unofficial definition: A subordinate clause is one that can come before or after the primary clause. For instance:

I would go shopping, if I could get my car to start.
If I could get my car to start, I would go shopping.

The subordinate clause is the "if I could get my car to start" part of the sentence. Notice that when you sound out the sentences in your mind, you tend to de-emphasize the "if," which automatically weakens the beginning of the second example so that it pushes the strength of the "I would go shopping" clause to the end.

4. Semicolons are your friend. Combining two sentences with a semicolon also weakens the beginning of the second clause by making it feel like a modifier for the first. Just don't use them too often. More than one per paragraph is a no-no.

These are just my own personal rules; they're absolutely not set in stone. I just suggest them here because I think looking over this story with these rules in mind could help identify the parts where the flow is good, and not so good. There are plenty of examples of both in the story.

 

Hi,
I've read it.
Personally, I have appreciated more the first two thirds of your story.
The description that you offer in the last part of it is, in my opinion, as if you are in a rush to do something else.
Anyway, if you continue writing, I will, most probably, continue reading!
Good luck! :rose:

 

THE NEW WRITER

I love the way you write and the way you capture specific personality types. In fact, I think that you are Masterful at character development. I also think that your readers will be able to really connect with the characters you write about.

Your new story gets me horny which means I love your stories. Your stories will make most people horny, both men and women.

Not bad, Huh?