What do you do when you still love your partner but sex isn't like you want it to be? Before everyone answers, yes, I have tried to get her to talk about it for years. We don't have sex frequently enough for me and all she seems to want is me to go inside her and cum. After I cum she is done and usaully doesn't want to be touched after. She doesn't ask for oral or volunteer to give it. Boring and feeling unwanted.

 

I ended my marriage of 1 yr, relationship 8 yrs total for this very reason and a little more. She was a fucking lazy ass slob and the wild sex in the begining made it all worth it, 6 years of trying to get that sex back, I couldn't take it anymore, and the sex was the only thing that made up for all of her flaws.

 

Mine doesn't have all the "flaws" you are referring to. This is the only serious "flaw" and that is what makes it so difficult.

 

Well, that makes it hard. Sex is a very important factor in many relationships. I know it killed me inside to think my wife didn't want the emotional connection we'd get when our bodies became one. I mean, it must be sooo fucking horrible to have a husband that loves you and wants to make love to you, your body, your heart, and your mind. Like I said, it killed me inside time and time again, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

 

Yeah, that is how it feels to me to.

 

there are many things that hold relationships together. Women want soo many more things than men do, so why is it our ONE thing is just too much?

Granted there is always another side to the story. Women want stable home life, a family, stable income, romance, goals, chivalry and all of that. Men only need you to be there for us and the sex. Which is harder to maintain? yet it's always sex that goes first. I can be everything a woman needs in her life, just as long as she is there physically for me. It sounds one-tracked, but it's true.

Plus most people need to realize, if you don't keep your partner happy, they will eventually look for it somewhere else. Sad, but true for both sexes.

 

Well said.

 

true

I provide all the other things you referred to. Not having the physical connection is a big hole in my needs. You did put it well.

 

This has happened to me...sort of. I broke off my last relationship because I wasn't sexually interested in my fiance anymore, and I didn't want this to happen. I'm sexually happy with my new boyfriend, but I'm already worried that I want sex too often...

 

why?

Wow! What made you loose sexual interest in your fiance? Assuming you are a woman I would like to hear your point of view.

 

Sex is one of the main reasons we got married, 40 some years ago. Steady, daily, satisfying, sex. I have sex with my wife. I do not have sex with others (ok, maybe that has not been entirely true).

The point is - marriage without sexual compatibility is a sham. I can peacefully co-habitate with almost anyone, no sex involved. Introduce sex and then we are talking, or at least thinking - marriage. This is also why I think gay/lesbian marriage is justified.

It's a mystery to me why anyone would want to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with them. When that occurs in a marriage, then it is no lomger a marriage, it's just two people being roommates and nothing more.

Listen up married people! Sex is why you are together. Pay attention to that one defining act - sex - that separates you two, as a couple, from everyone else you know.

 

I've been married for almost 8 years and I am in the exact same situation. I've tried numerous times to talk to my wife about it and it just doesn't seem to get us anywhere. I am completely in love with her and I really don't want to stray outside of our marriage to het sexual satisfaction, but I am just so bored with our sex life and the frequency of sex. I have so many sexual desires that she has either said no to or I already know she would have no interest in them and I don't even bring them up. Very frustrating. I don't really have any advice for you since I can't even figure it out for myself. Just wanted to let you know that there are others out there in the same situation. You are not alone and what you are feeling is felt by many. Let me know if anything works for you!

 

WELL this problem is a mother-fucker ain't it?

Don't worry, you're not alone.

I've been married close to 15 years and while we LOVE each other, we probably have had sex less than 50 times overall. The problem is more-or-less that my body reacts to her like she's my sister. We have built a life together, have shared history, we enjoy each other's company, but there is no sex. At least, none that I want.

And so you can't fix this. Once the fixation for one individual evaporates, you can't manufacture it. We've tried all that bedroom play and dressing up but it doesn't work. And yet, she's happy with the status quo and I'm too comfortable as well.

There is a saying, an unmarried man wants to fuck all women, but a married man wants to fuck all but one. There is truth to that.

Anyway. I'm getting my rocks off with some erotic massages now and again. This is just how its going to have to be until such time I decide to get a divorce, if ever. I'm not entirely convinced humans are monogamous by design, and if I ever got a divorce I probably wouldn't ever remarry anyway.

 

Try injecting some romance. Take her out to dinner and wow her. Make her feel like a lady who's really appreciated. Don't just do this as a one-off, though. Sometimes, these things take time.

 

When you love your partner, from my very personal point of view, as a man, you need to stick your dick inside her orifices, in short terms, fuck her!
She, if she loves you, needs you to fuck her, to embrace her, to hold her while you sleep, to caress all the parts of her body!
If you don't feel all those needs, than, either you're sick, either you don't really love her anymore...
Anyway, I repeat - it's just my very personal point of view!...

 

(With all due respect to all women) Just like us men women are programmed early on by less than interesting and creative lovers, which can make them "One trick ponies" this is what he wanted and she gave herself or worse she had no experience to work form and has an "idea" what most men want? Either way I would have asked if you'd talked to her but, you have to more than just state your needs and be more proactive in your methods? Show her the way, she'll never learn if your waiting for her to catch up to your thoughts (you didn't say she refused to do or receive) my wife came into the marriage a 23 year old virgin with no idea of what she wanted, what to expect or (what was expected of her) and baggage of an attempted sexual assault when she was a teenager by a drunk boyfriend with no one to tell due to Catholic shame! My approach had to be subtle and still direct that her body could be touched similarly but, without the selfish grabbing and pawing! She cried more than a few times when we'd be trying something new or different (and these were just sexually normal firsts) she felt scared, his forceful attempt to my gentle hand and that thought that most men ask for more than they deserve? Pleasurable stimuli forms a caring lover willing to explore so, hold her hand, look her in the eye and say,"Let me please you and take the time to show her?" If she flat out doesn't want you to, that's a different problem maybe, when she asks you inside her next time start with a big wet kiss on her pussy and follow her response? Talk will only frustrate you both so, you have to treat her like the doe in the forest and move slowly toward "showing her tenderness, warmth and love" Most women believe we are tools that only have our mind on one thing and it takes a bit of time to cater to a proactive caring thorough lover! My wife learned after I stopped pounding my fist against the wall and took many new approaches until, I helped her find her sexuality and you can too? Hope You Get Where I'm Coming From? MILO

 

VERY very well said.

 

Hi, husbands who are frustrated with their sexual lives. Greetings from a married woman who's frustrated with hers.

I've tried everything. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. My husband has sex, wants sex, but only sex that pleases him. We fuck several times before he decides it's time to make a huge sacrifice and give me an orgasm. I love this man like I can't put into words. But I have needs, physical needs.

I don't need him to pay bills and all of that some of you talked about. I make enough money for the both of us. I don't need him to do chores in the house. I owned a flat when we met, whereas he lived with his parents. We're both very comfortable with our finances. Not all women need men to buy her things, you know?

What do I need him for? I love him. About needs, I need him very much. I need him to touch me, to kiss my neck, to finger my clit, to care for my sexual pleasure at least 1% of what I care for his.

I don't believe in exclusivity and very recently I began to look for satisfaction with other men. He'd be enough for me, if he wanted to. But he doesn't.

You know what? Why is it that people who say no always have more rights than people who say yes? A woman/man can deny the partner sex, but the partner who's having a basic need not being taken care of can't look for satisfaction elsewhere?? That's not fair! Society has to change.

I'm lucky in a way, because my husband isn't jealous and I don't have to cheat: he knows and agreed with it. If he wouldn't agree, I'd learn not to love him and I'd leave.

Life is so short and we only get one shot. One shot to be happy, one shot to experience physical bliss (orgasms, the pleasure of being loved physically). One day we'll all have regrets. I'll prefer regretting things I've done too much than things I didn't do enough.

 

Enjoy Life Curious!

Life is so short and we only get one shot. One shot to be happy, one shot to experience physical bliss (orgasms, the pleasure of being loved physically). One day we'll all have regrets. I'll prefer regretting things I've done too much than things I didn't do enough.[/QUOTE]
And you deserve at least that much in return! He may not feel it now but, his regrets will come (and not in a good way?)

 

Speaking of society having to change, it does incrementally as far as the legality of certain behaviors ( infidelity, alienation of affection, prostitution ), but I think the problem you're going to run into is that ultimately people need to feel special to someone. Now I want to say that this of course is an illusion, but very important to some people. As long as this need persists you will have jealousy, and monogamous relationships. If we can get past that and separate love and sex, then we'll have more, at least, interesting relationships IMO. Because lets face it, sometimes you need a good fuck, and sometimes you need someone who can hold a conversation, or has common intellectual pursuits, but its its almost IMPOSSIBLE to find all this in the same person. In real life, we settle for what we can find, and that perfect person is NEVER in circulation.