Well, her words were, "are you homo?"

I didn't know what to say. My brain surged and I wondered if it was time to tell the truth.

The truth: I have no preference. We are all just people. If I like a guy, so be it; if I like a girl, so be it. But being raised in a small community where it's "not right" to like the same sex or like a different race makes me shut up. I know I shouldn't care what other people think but I care what my family thinks. My grandpa's probably the most strict about what was mentioned previously, but he's my best friend and I would never want to disappoint him.

It causes me to sneak. I fully understand the term "in the closet" because that's exactly what it feels like. I have to hide everything much like a closet does.

So as my mind tried to gather the best idea, I closed my closet door and replied, "mom, I'm straight."

 

This is a sad story. I understand how you feel, though I believe you will have to tell the truth someday whether you want to or not. It's sad that you have to lie just because of others who won't accept you for who you are.

 

If your friends and family love you they'll support you no matter what.

If they don't you don't need them.

Just be yourself.

 

I come from the same background, I've told the same lies to my parents, only I didn't fully understand my emotions at the time and fooled myself into believing what I said was true.

The outcome? Marriage and 3 wonderful kids, so I'm not complaining, I've always loved women as well as desiring men.

The kicker? Well now as my kids grow older all those old feelings are coming back with a vengeance. I still love my wife and kids but I'm torn by realising all those feelings I held back through the years.

I'm not straight, I never was, the real me is bisexual. I've confessed that to my wife and succeeded in making her unhappy. Where do I go from here? I have no idea and that's a scary thought.

What advice can I give you? Well that's not easy as in honesty I doubt I would go back in time to change things. If I was a braver and stronger man then I would have been true to myself and told the world how I truly felt, but I know that's not an easy option.

You have my best wishes whatever you decide to do. :rose:

 

Being Bi is a hard thing to explain to people. In fact, I hesitate to even apply such a lable to you as you may or may not identify as such. The difficulty with coming out is that others will never (or rarely) accept your self-identification. Based on how you briefly explained your sexuality and your mother's choice of words, I suspect your mother would quickly dub you "homo" and you would have to deal with her bigotry.

I wish you luck. Perhaps the best thing to do is find a confidante or two with whom you could be open about who you are. Once you gain the confidence another person's acceptance can provide, you can determine if coming out to everyone in your life makes sense. Chances are, there will be a cost for doing so. In time, you can determine if the cost if worth the benefit. Only then can you make a clear decisionif stepping out of the closet makes sense.

Remember, it is your choice, and your alone. I wish you luck.

 

Thank you all
I really hope some day I'll have the courage to tell them but it just doesn't seem the best thing to do right now for some reason. My best friend doesn't know and I don't think she'd even understand. I feel people are more open and accepting on the internet and I can be here freely but reality ... reality is reality and I can't really be myself.

 

I live just a little south of Indianapolis so I know what you mean. I don't life in a small town but it's still not acceptable around here. Only a few people know I have no preference. I like to refer to Indiana as 'the Alabama of the midwest.' I will never tell my family the truth. I will deny my sexuality to the grave. Which is fine because while I like messing around with both guys and women, I only have an interest in dating women. Men are strictly sexual. I have only told a handful of people about my preferences. I figure it's my business and nobody else needs to know. It's too bad that we live in 2013 and it is still such a taboo around these parts. Hell, Indiana hates gays so much that we are trying to change the state constitution to make it unconstitutional for gay people to get married. It's already illegal here so in my mind that's just a waste of time. The republicans sure are good at wasting time.

 

the thing is they have discovered the "gay" gene in men, you either are or are not.

 

well you could just be with a man.do you find yourself leaning towards the gay side? Do you like men more,now?

 

I've been bi curious briefly, so I can't directly relate to a closeted experience, but what seems reasonable to me would be to keep the peace until you are at least not dependent on bigoted individuals. Then move as far the fuck away as possible and have whatever kind of life makes you happy.

I would suggest waiting a few days, then going back to her and saying "Mom, you got me curious when you asked if I was homo the other day. I thought it was a really weird question, and now I'm worried I am doing something that would lead you to think that?" So basically couch it as an interrogatory. If you let it lay she may consider that you ARE hiding something IMO. Anyway you may be able to pull an opinion out of her that will tell you if she's actually bigoted or just insensitive in her wording lol. Then you can decide whether to disclose that you have no preference, or choose to remain in the closet for the time being. It's not ideal to be closeted but when you depend on parents, you HAVE to be diplomatic sometimes and manipulate their perceptions, sorry to say.

 

You should have told her "yes I'm a VERY HAPPY person".

 

You should have told her.

But it's not polite to talk with your mouth full.

So you should have gotten that dick out of your mouth first.

:lol:

 

No such discovery has been made by geneticists. On April 14, 2003, the International Human Genome Consortium announced the successful completion of the Human Genome Project—two years ahead of schedule. The press report read: “The human genome is complete and the Human Genome Project is over” (see “Human Genome Report...,” 2003, emp. added). Most of the major science journals reported on the progress in the field of genetics, but also speculated on how the information would now be used. The one piece of information that never materialized from the Human Genome Project was the identification of the so-called “gay gene.”
To date there is no scientific proof that there is a gay gene, nor has such a gene been identified. Until proven otherwise, being gay (or straight) is a matter of personal choice.

 

I'm probably about 50:50, although my fantasies all seem to be about men at the moment but that may be the forbidden fruit factor kicking in.

My deepest concern is that it might just be my true nature to be gay, is the real me starting to show itself? I know I have to be true to myself if I want to be happy.

Being with a man is only an option if I want to throw my marriage away and hurt my kids in the process, I'm not willing to do that.

 

Whatever you do, there are tradeoffs. You know what it's like already to live in secrecy, so you know what that's like, but you don't know what the reality will be like if you come clean.

How old are you? It sounds like you need to get in a different environment and community. If you're younger, going away to college and then finding a career in a different community would be an obvious choice. If college isn't an option, what about looking for a job in a different community?

I'd like to think that even if your mother and grandfather aren't open minded, that maybe they'll learn to be after you come out because now they'll actually know someone 'like that'. It can happen, but people often don't change, either.

Also, as others have said, if you depend on these people for your livelihood by living at home, then chances are it's best to wait until you have some control over your own life before you talk to them.

Have you looked for help online? There must be lots of support groups where you can remain anonymous and get advice from people who have been in your situation.

Best of luck.

 

I believe everyone is bisexual, it's just a matter of degree.

 

Well I have heard bisexual men, tend to prefer men later on in life.So maybe you are actually gay? Do you still think about women?And has you wife treated you any different once you came out? She probably thinks you are just gay, and do not want to admit it.

 

As you know your mom has an idea you are and I hope you have the courage soon to rescind your initial answer, as a parent the sooner they know is better then them finding out! Her wording may have been wrong but, I think until all gays are out we'll never move forward as a society and they'll always be hate (which I think is more fear) The face of racism changed once they realized that blacks were here to stay and in that vein "We're here, We're queer, Get Use to It" rings true The wife and I raised our kids with knowledge and the understanding that whether it's homosexuality or race, you don't have to like it but, you have to learn how to adapt to it!

 

If it were asked of me,,, I would ask if it mattered ?? And if it did not matter,, that is good !! If you want to know, join me in bed and see !!!

 

In places where racism was a huge problem during the Civil Rights Era, it didn't just go away because people became more aware. What tends to happen is that younger generations learn to be more tolerant while older generations have a tough time accepting changes in cultural values. Put another way, racism and anti-gay attitudes tend to diminish as those holding those views die off. Not in all cases, but in general. People just don't change very well.