Granted- you are now in a bad mood, a total kicking-puppies kind of bad mood.

I wish that I kick beats and spit raps.

 

granted you are now the most positive person on this planet....hey I know my answer makes no sense

I wish for everybody to be happy

 

Granted!! Now everyone is so dervishly happy their smiles split their heads in two, leaving everyone totally unhinged!!

I wish I had two brass farthings to rub together!!

 

granted, but you mommy doesn´t allow you to keep them

I wish I had someone nice over here at my house

 

Granted, but he's too nice to be fun.


I wish that Spring would spring forth.

 

Granted.
Unfortunately your old decrepit ass dies in your sleep as soon as the first flower blooms.

I wish my intellectual status was that of a burnt piece of toast.
​

 

Don't give yourself airs and graces

I wish I could appoint a plumber to perdiodically plumb my pipework!!

 

"Joe the plumber" plumbed you. Now you eat through your arse and shit through your nose.

I wish I could help a Republican lose like "Joe the Plumber" did.

 

Granted, you are now Carson the Terrorist. You represent the Republican conspir-crappy ties to the Middle East, in a down-to-earth manor that the average voter should relate to.

I wish I had about sixty dollars cash right now.

 

granted, but you quickly find its counterfit when the cops arrest you.

I wish i wasn't such an asshole.

 

I don't think I can grant that wish. Your assholishness is too deeply ingrained.

I wish I weren't so nasty!

 

awww granted...now you are so beautiful you become shallow

I wish I didn´t have so much boring things I need to do

 

Granted- now you have the exact same tasks to do, but you are high on meth.

I wish that things could turn out.

 

Things all turned out, including you, out of your house.

I wish I could reach an even multiple of one hundred in my post count.

 

Granted- the mod deleted all your posts and you now have exactly 100.

I can has a shovel.

 

Congratulations! Someone just whacked you in the back of the head with a showel (and they left it with you when they ran!!!).

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow -.-

 

Granted .............Your phone will ring at 6 am to tell you......................................................................... your'e fired............


I wish that I had a time machine.

 

Granted, but when you go back in time, you retain the same body and memories as you did or will have in that year only. You cannot partake any knowledge of the future and you can only travel your own lifespan.

I wish my roommate wasn't a fucking asshole.

 

Granted.................The only fucking asshole in the room is you.

I wish I was not a WIS

 

Granted, now you are an FAG.

I wish we had the will to stay alive.