I'm very pleased that my sexual foibles continue to provide laughter and joy - even for those not present. If either of you are ever in the mood to have a wild, chortling laugh orgasm - I'd be happy to show up and try to be sexy.

 

What do you mean try? :excited:

 

​

 

I'm going into the forbidden/ taboo/ gross land of sex during a female's "time of the month".....

This isn't a subject that I would EVER discuss with my RL friends. So I'm bringing it up here..... Lucky You!!!

NE Man wants no part of getting his "red wings". (If you don't know what that is... It's when someone performs cunnilingus on a woman during her period.) Although we have on occasion put a towel down, had sex, and then took a shower after. The biggest problem I have doing anything at that time, is my breasts are very sensitive, and any friction on them is anything from annoying to painful.

What are your feelings on it?

 

It's not something we do (have sex, that is), apart from a couple of times recently when my cycle went a bit haywire - at one point I was 'on' for two weeks and was going crazy not having any physical closeness. Another time we had booked a weeks holiday in a flat on our own and of course I started on the second day. We took the opportunity to try anal, but it wasn't a great success.

Mr Babe would not entertain oral sex whilst there is any possibility of blood - he is however slightly phobic over blood in general. In the past when my libido didn't match his, I found it a bit of a relief to not to 'have' to have sex for 5 to 7 days a month.

 

Red wings? I'll have to tell my wife what it's called.

Yeppers, been there done that, first time neither of us aware that her period had started early.

Since I didn't even realize it until the next morning, I figured it really wasn't such a big deal. But it wasn't a daily occurrence, maybe only once a month.:?

 

Even before menopause we never cared much what time of month it was. I quite liked the taste. Slightly metallic musty. And enjoyed the lubrication. I could last and last. Mmmm yumm.
C Babe Bad luck about the failed attempt on hols.

 

I like this thread, so I'm giving it a bump.

Come on Xnxxers, lets hear your funny or interesting, or both sex stories......

 

i once was having sex in the kitchen, i stepped ona wet towel and when i slipped i fell out and stubbed my dick on the table edge and headbutted the girl in the boob

 

Lol that's a bad one, especially if it's someone you'd not been intimate with for very long - I hope you both laughed (if you weren't in too much pain).

On Friday, I just knew I wasn't going to get anywhere, but Mr Babe did. He's now hovering hopefully (we have the whole day to ourselves, unusually for a Sunday) saying 'I owe you one'. I'm more in spring cleaning mode at the moment - perhaps I'll be able to get my head round it later.

 

Real sex is often hilariously awkward in my world. We were in the middle of a particularly intense session when our lovely kitten decided that boyfriend's testicles resembled a toy and clawed him. Not lightly. Right through the skin and into a nut. Also there was a time with my ex husband where his mother walked in unannounced while I was standing in the middle of the bedroom dressed in lingerie and still thought it appropriate to ask him to move his car.

 

I guarantee the men reading this thread just had a sympathy cringe at your poor boyfriends pain. The ladies think it's a little funny.

As to your mother in law.... I wonder if she even noticed your outfit, or more importantly, what would be the conclusion of your outfit.

 

Okay, so one time years ago I had this old bed I bought used. The first time I had a girl in that bed, we were going at it hard when the slats under the box springs slid to the side and the mattresses fell through to the floor. I asked her if it was good for her too.:excited:

 

Well, there was one time we were camping and decided to try outdoor sex. We headed off into the middle of a field one night, started stripping off, and I lay down... on top of a patch of nettles.

Yeah, that didn't work out so great.

 

Yes it was a bit satisfying to watch him write about in pain, haha. I laughed.

She certainly did. This was long before we were married or living on our own together and we were alone in his room. He said he was cleaning. She barged in and started laughing and said "I thought you were cleaning your room."
He replied "uhh... I am?"
She said "that's called cleaning your pipes honey, not cleaning your room. Now go move your car."
Talk about awkward moments.

 

The mother in law's comment is almost funnier than the kitten mistaking your ex-husbands balls as a scratching pad/ toy. Although I have to wonder why you had the cat on the bed at all during sex.

When NE Man and I are "gonna get it on". We put the dog on the floor, and move her stairs to the bed, (she only weighs 12 pounds, and our king sized bed is approximately 4 feet off the floor).

Now I don't mean to sound "preachy". We learned this after one night when while we were having sex, with toys :excited:, and she started sniffing around one of my "used" toys, if you know what I mean. So now she gets banished as soon as the clothes come off.



Double Dee.... Lesson learned, look before laying down. :lol:

Rixer..... Seems you learned almost the same lesson. :?

 

Hmmm....... your dog can't be as persistent as ours used to be. We shut her out of the room but she found a way to paw the doorhandle down and crash the door open just at the critical moment. Coitus Interruptus as they say!

 

There is absolutely nothing like a cold, wet dog nose on the rosebud to get you to maximum penetration.

That happened to me many years ago, the wife then decided she liked the dog on the bed in those rare occaions that she was interested. (first wife)

 

I'm so glad we don't have a dog

Our sex life has recently improved due to a simple prop - a Captain's hat :excited:

 

A cap'ns hat?? Who wears it? And where is it worn?