The wife and I had a discussion on the causes of cheating and how the majority are men, the reason most think is "men are dogs" but a dog wouldn't get into a committed relationship only to cheat anyway? So when she asked me what could cause the feelings that a man would cross that line, I thought back to my own cheating (which she's well aware) and said,"Maybe it's that we are not acknowledged as much for our beauty?" and it opens the door for being flattered to the point of crossing a line?

Think about how men are programmed to make certain we acknowledge our wife or lovers beauty and how often (except for when being pursued by a female) do we hear them say,"You look good today or What a hot body?" out of the context of the sexual realm just a reminder to us for all the work we do in the gym or in grooming ourselves to look the best we can? The wife had to think just how often I remind her of her beauty in comparison to my own need for validation? Thoughts

 

I've noticed myself that my girlfriend very rarely compliments me appearance, even when we are dressed up for going out and i tell her that she looks beautiful, i get nothing back. It wouldnt cause me to cheat, but i'd certainly notice if another women was to compliment my appearence.

 

men like to be wanted sexually and they seek the things their wife wont do oral sex is one anal another or maybe she is just lays there and preforms her duty we like for woman to desire us as well

 

I agree with you that most women don't seem to let their man know that they are attracted to their husband/fiancee/boyfriends after they've been together awhile. I however, can't stop myself from letting my fiancee just how much I enjoy looking at him everyday, or when he looks amazing (even a basic jeans and tshirt will have me staring).
Not being satisfied also has a big part of that. There are too many men on this forum saying my wife doesn't do this, how can I get her to do that. It is very clear that's a big reason.
I have a couple other reasons that I can see being a factor as well. First, if either party feels they can't communicate properly with the other it can cause them to go find a companion where they can be free to let out other sides of themselves. Then one thing leads to another and they cross from emotionally cheating to physically cheating.
My second reason is that people change. If they don't grow together then it might cause them to look elsewhere for their new needs. They would be drawn to someone who makes them feel comfortable with who they are now.

 

The reason why I have cheated is that ever since my wife reached menopause her sex drive has shut down. I can hardly ever get foreplay.

 

Well put babe. You do make me feel beautiful everyday.

To reiterate, lack of emotional, sexual support, or what have you, is usually the only reason anyone would want to wander. The argument that males possess an instinct to spread their seed to me sounds like a cop-out. How does that explain women? I think it can always come down to the simple fact that it's a lack of fulfillment.

 

^ how do we get rid of this bot?

 

Maybe it comes with a reset button.

 

Nice, it's gone!

 

Infidelity is just as common with women than it is for men. The reasons vary of course but, there are a lot of common elements.

 

What Fiery Cuffs said +2. Communication, guys & gals.
And I agree with nakkers also, cheating's a common factor with both. As it turns out, my bride and I don't sneak, but we've been known to have a bit of fun with others.
Guys, it doesn't make you less of a man to get in touch with your femme side enough to be able to take notice of what turns on / off your partner, and don't forget to do your best to please her. Holding hands, telling her she's pretty, for chrissakes just communicate.
And ladies, we guys can take a joking poke at our love handles if we have them, and if we get a bit more belly than you like, there's a better approach than "damn, you're really getting fat".
Sorry, I'm not being judgmental, this is totally generic. I've heard guys who've worked for me in the past complaining about lack of sex. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see who's communicating respectfully and who isn't. Another word is compromise. If she doesn't want it in the butt, find something else fun to do, there's plenty of places that need attention, too. And as nakkers says, there are so many more reasons that we as humans cheat, but so many could be avoided simply by being reasonable.

 

I couldn't agree more. Its great to feel wanted. And its great to share ideas. But when its all just for "her" we men do tend to fall for the women who know hoewto please us. Wifes take heed. You want our attention. We want yours. Its a give-give thing. Not us give and u take

 

I was not implying the "only cause" but, the possibility of a deeper one overlooked? It almost feels unnatural for me not to compliment my wife on her sexiness or attractiveness while I wouldn't want to ask? My wife telling me my butt looks good in a pair of jeans, would do "wonders" for her sex life!

 

to me i think it is just self weakness , ppl want sex or wanted to try something new , they couldn't find it at home , they got it somewhere else , and their minds will give them excuses so they wont feel so bad about it

 

I agree I think it's just weakness.

Either discuss whatever the problem is with the person you are in the relationship with, or break it off with them and move on.

Cheating is simply a way to have a safety net without having to grow a set and tell the truth to one's partner.

If a man didn't tell me I looked nice I definitely wouldn't think of cheating on him. I know when I look nice and when I need to put in a bit more effort, I don't need positive reinforcement to stroke my ego in a relationship.

 

IT'S MORE! With all due respect for your youth and inexperience a "long term sexual/sensual relationship" which loses luster after a lover surmises comfort enough to postpone exciting events, with not so much as a reason?

 

I won't cast any stones but, cheating is simply disrespectful and lazy of the offenders. I'm sure they can rationalize it but, at the end of the day, it's going behind their partner's back. I know because I contemplated it for many years. My ex-wife even encouraged me to give it a try at one point.

As for the causes, I've been there. Was married 15 years, my ex was dealing with depression (and still does) and taking medication. We tried our best to work things out (change of meds, get rid of meds, talk about things etc.)

I held on for as long as I could to my vows. Sickness and health. But, my mental health was deteriorating as I was trying stay strong for her.

I thought about how I was being a coward and if my spouse was battling cancer or something else and we couldn't engage in sexual activity, could I have the strength to remain her partner.

The truth is, it was more than sex. It was love, affection. It was about knowing my spouse wanting to be with me, even if they couldn't. I was more then just words.

My ex simply couldn't receive my love or return it. She lost her ability to love herself which, impacted her ability to love me.

I left. And I don't regret it one bit. I never thought I'd be divorce or love another.

A year later, I met the love of my life.

I reflect back and if I had cheated, the guilt would have made me stay and things would have got worse. The result may have been the same but, taken longer. Or I kept things under wraps and let the secret eat away at what soul I may have had.

If you are thinking of cheating, try to think it through. I had guys tell me about European's having long term mistresses etc. How great it would be etc.

To go ahead but, leave things unsaid.

For me, I just couldn't do it. But, I knew that by me actually going down that road and thinking about it, I had to work on my relationship.

For those that can, I applaud you. It's not for everyone one. But, I do wish you'd consider the consequences. Not only to your spouse but, to your own self respect.

If you have health care coverage and counseling is included, I encourage anyone to seek out this option before going down the road of an affair.

I love sex, I love porn. I'm not hear to preach or point fingers. If you want to have multiple partners and everyone is in on it from the beginning, have at it. But, if you made a commitment to someone and no longer feel you can keep that commitment, try doing something else besides cheating.

That's my 2 cents anyways. Just one fella's humble opinion.

Cheers.

 

"Despite Public Opinion and Personal Struggles?"

I concede that for some weakness and selfishness play a large role in cheating but, forgive me for offended the delicate sensibilities of the naive or jilted ones who think these are the only reasons. Many relationships hit stumbling blocks and in my case my wife chose to own my rights to sex and sensuality and deny me a reasonable amount of use of those rights. It's easy enough to say "Just leave and throw the baby out with the bath water!" spoken truly by those who have never been fortunate or unfortunate enough to be in a long term committed relationship where just "one thing" isn't right?

I would never promote or endorse the idea of cheating while I also will never condone the selfish use of monogamy as a way of controlling another person which shows in the many threads of "sexless marriages" read here on XNXX. Some people don't see or haven't felt the affects of denying their partners multiple requests for an "active sex life" or regular needs in that way, I believe sex is seen by some as "not that big of a deal" and it shows! Sex makes up a mere 10-20% of a sensual relationship and accounts for 90% of the reasons given for divorce and separations (fact not fiction)

While some have failed to "communicate" their are many of us who have communicated frustratingly for a long period of time before that door was ever opened to cheat in the first place, the formula which would go like this: Denying sex for long periods of time, no emphasis on sensual effort to change it, you start to feel unloved (though you know your not), unattractive and helpless? Someone takes the effort and makes you feel special overwhelmingly, the better part of feeling guilty is put aside over immediate gratification for personal satisfaction? If your me your wife concedes to letting you have indiscretions as long as it's not for the purpose of love (not the best solution) but, at least I stood up to being repressed and fortunately we just celebrated our 27 wedding anniversary and have been together for over 29 years! No more cheating needed and now we're more mindful of each others needs over the selfish wants of ourselves!!

While it is selfish to cheat it is also selfish to use your cunt or cock as some prize that's only permitted on your demands when monogamy is what you've agreed to also without concern for your part in the agreement?

 

Milo,

Totally agree. Withholding sex is unfair and disrespectful but I would also say, if your partner is being disrespectful and not treating you properly, it doesn't give you license to do the same. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Look, I'm no moral authority to anyone but myself. Well, maybe I try to be for my kids as well.

At the end of the day, if you can put in the effort to research how to cheat and have an affair or you can direct that effort into the current relationship and see if it succeeds or fails.

Leaving my wife cost me big time financially. Having an affair, may have been more convenient financially but, I'm not sure if it really would have provided me with the happiness I was truly seeking.

I just like to chime in with something to think about. Not to preach or condone others.

 

Natural

Milo, You always post the best stuff! My man always shows his appreciation for me, and it makes me weak in the knees when he stares at me like I am about to be devoured alive, LOL. He does this thing, where he'll be talking with somebody else, but his possessive eyes never leave my face, making me blush!
I still feel surprised when I see him, even in jeans and a t-shirt looking like the Rock Star Sex God he is. And, he just smells delicious to me, so my hands are all over him, all the time.
Bottom line for us is this...we have some sort of connection that is just too powerful to take for granted! I try to think of one thing a day that will please him, and, yeah, it usually does involve sex. But, he makes me wild, and I am so in love.
I even swore I'd NEVER marry again after my divorce, but this gorgeous, soulful man wants it, so chances are, I'll do it wholeheartedly! I think by me putting him first, and him putting me first, we should do okay.QUOTE=Milo Cronos;6102531] I concede that for some weakness and selfishness play a large role in cheating but, forgive me for offended the delicate sensibilities of the naive or jilted ones who think these are the only reasons. Many relationships hit stumbling blocks and in my case my wife chose to own my rights to sex and sensuality and deny me a reasonable amount of use of those rights. It's easy enough to say "Just leave and throw the baby out with the bath water!" spoken truly by those who have never been fortunate or unfortunate enough to be in a long term committed relationship where just "one thing" isn't right?

I would never promote or endorse the idea of cheating while I also will never condone the selfish use of monogamy as a way of controlling another person which shows in the many threads of "sexless marriages" read here on XNXX. Some people don't see or haven't felt the affects of denying their partners multiple requests for an "active sex life" or regular needs in that way, I believe sex is seen by some as "not that big of a deal" and it shows! Sex makes up a mere 10-20% of a sensual relationship and accounts for 90% of the reasons given for divorce and separations (fact not fiction)

While some have failed to "communicate" their are many of us who have communicated frustratingly for a long period of time before that door was ever opened to cheat in the first place, the formula which would go like this: Denying sex for long periods of time, no emphasis on sensual effort to change it, you start to feel unloved (though you know your not), unattractive and helpless? Someone takes the effort and makes you feel special overwhelmingly, the better part of feeling guilty is put aside over immediate gratification for personal satisfaction? If your me your wife concedes to letting you have indiscretions as long as it's not for the purpose of love (not the best solution) but, at least I stood up to being repressed and fortunately we just celebrated our 27 wedding anniversary and have been together for over 29 years! No more cheating needed and now we're more mindful of each others needs over the selfish wants of ourselves!!

While it is selfish to cheat it is also selfish to use your cunt or cock as some prize that's only permitted on your demands when monogamy is what you've agreed to also without concern for your part in the agreement?[/QUOTE]