This is a question for the women, but maybe there are other guys with similar problems.

Anyway, the problem for me is getting an erection the first time I'm with a woman, and there were a couple times when it didn't work at all. I've also noticed that if I get a second chance that things are not much of an issue.

My question is, as a woman, how could a guy explain this to you without it being a mood-killer? And would you give him a second chance?

I had a one nighter with one woman where I told her (after we were naked at her place), and I told her I would love to give her oral, but she got mad telling me she just wanted to fuck. She ended up sleeping on her couch, made for an awkward morning.

I only ask this as it is something that has stopped me from trying to take women home after meeting them.

 

I guess for me it would depend on how it was framed. If it was an ongoing FWB type arrangement then it's no big deal as there's always next time. If it was truly a one night stand then that one night is everything, so I'd find it horrifically awkward and wouldn't want ongoing contact. I don't really go for oral, so offering that instead of penetration wouldn't appeal.
Something that colours my judgement is the fact that I don't think I'm sexy, so if my partner can't maintain an erection I become convinced that he just doesn't find me arousing. This probably isn't the case for other women, so they may take a different view.

 

But I know you are.x


For the OP: If you cant manage it on the first night, one night stands are really not going to work for you. are they?

 

The obvious answer to this is to not try for one night stands. I have a bit of trouble getting it up during first encounters. It usually happens but after 15-20 minutes so it can be a little awkward. I just don't do one night stands anymore unless I'm REALLY in the mood, which is very very rare. One night stands might just not be for you. There's nothing wrong with that. No one feels good after a one night stand anyway. Its not worth it. Just stick to dating girls and getting comfortable with them before you try sex. If you have trouble in that situation, you'll probably get more chances.

 

Well don't wait until you are both naked before you tell her you will not fuck her.

 

As somebody who loves one night stands, I would hate to meet up with someone like you. You need honesty.

 

Why are you trying to have a "one night stand" in the first place? I mean if you know you have this issue, doesn't it kind of defy logic to want a one night only relationship?

I'm not trying to be cruel here. I just don't understand your point of view.

As someone else said, if we were setting up a "friends with benefits" relationship, one night would mean nothing to me. So I think that's what you should aim for. Become friends with some women you find attractive and early on state your expectations.

Don't wait too long in expressing your intentions. If you do, you might risk her putting you in the "friend zone", and getting out of it is extremely hard.

 

I had a couple of 1 nighters when i was younger, there was no problem getting hard but it didnt seem quite right at the same time.
Since then every woman ive slept with i have got to know them 1st, some for a long time n others less so, and i have found the sex a lot more enjoyable.
The intimacy you share even as friends beforehand lends itself to your love-making.
I would say to get to know someone 1st before having sex, the anticipation of what is to come will only heighten the pleasure for you both.
Dont know how you usually meet women so dont know if this advice could help you but wish you the best of luck.

 

It could be "performance anxiety" for the first time with a woman.
You could be worried that you won't satisfy her.
It's also possible that deep down inside you're not looking for a one night stand and that you really are looking for a long term relationship.
I know someone that can't cum when his wife gives him head but he never had that problem with other women in the past.
I've known him long enough to know that although he enjoys blowjobs as much as the next guy, he thinks that women that swallow are cheap whores.
Therefore he can't bring himself to finish in his wife's mouth. (because of course, his wife isn't a cheap whore)

 

Thanks to everyone for the replied. I think I stated it incorrectly in that the problem is with one night stand, but more just the first time I'm with someone. I can't really explain it, but those few times I've had a second night the problem seems to disappear. But the norm seems to be just a one-shot deal. Just looking for ways to explain to someone that it would require patience. I just wish I understood this more myself.

 

I've had this problem when I was younger, you got to chill. meet a girl, flirt, laugh, date, don't rush the sex, it will happen then you will feel more comfortable but I know you will still be worried. then when it comes time for sex if your problem occurs just explain to her your nervous about doing a good job and failing don't make it into a big deal then try again, if it still happens then just play with each other. if she likes you then you will get a second chance if she wont let you then she is kind of shallow and you don't want her anyway.
maybe order some Viagra to give you some confidence I did that once and when I met my wife I fucked her like an animal and after I cam I just kept going and going. she said she had never been rode like that and was really impressed. made me feel like a real pro. then the next time I didn't take it cause I knew she knew I was the king. banged her like a rock star. never needed it again. a year or so latter I told her you remember the first night we met and the sex we had and she was like ya how could I ever forget that. I said I was on Viagra and she was like damn don't ever take that shit again it was awesome but you wore me the fuck out, we both laughed a lot. been together over four years and married 2.5.
a one night stand that hasn't stopped lol