My best friend called tonight and told me that her daughter just came "out" to her and her husband. They are a little shocked, but told her that as long as she is happy, they are happy. Who she is as a person has nothing to do with who she loves, and they will always love her.

BACK STORY-
My friend pays all the bills for the families phones, wifi, electronics, etc. So their policy is that whenever she or her husband ask to see the kids electronics, passwords have to be given immediately. Their theory is if at any time a "parental check" can be done, the kids will be less likely to have inappropriate things saved.

Well last night was a surprise inspection, to which the daughter, said "No". After some questioning, The daughter said she was a lesbian. (I'm guessing she probably had some "love texts" between her and another girl and didn't want to have them read, but I don't know, we didn't get into that.)

I told my friend that this was great news! Last year the daughter went through a "cutting" stage that really scared all of us. Mostly because no reasoning was given other than she was "stressed". My friend thought the stress was due to the daughter being a freshman at high school and how different high school is from elementary school. Now I think it was due to her having identity issues.

Here is my question - finally:

Have you had a child come out to you? Did you want to talk about it? Did they? OR If you are gay/ bisexual, When you came out to your parents, did you want to talk about it? Or did you just want to your parents to accept you, but not say anything for a while.

 

well hi there NE.Woman
is your friend have koledge that you are a member of this site have you brought her up to speed
her daughter in to pussy instead of dick well its a beautiful faze no doubt
maybe you shouk show your friend this and many other sites like...
show your genitals
xhampster
adultisim
just to name a few
this should open her mind and eyes to reality

 

Accept it, love her as they did before they found out.

 

Never been involved with this kind of thing, but I would suggest definitely not criticizing her or rejecting her even if the parents don't approve of it. Meanness never works, not saying that they would be mean though.

 

yeah, that's some thinking there ...a moderator of an 18 plus adult site welcoming a 15yr old to it.

 

First of all I think its great your friend still love her the same.

I think it would be a good idea to tell the daughter that she can always talk about anything and that they will try to help her and find answers with her together, but I also think they shouldn´t push her too much to talk about it, because it´ll always make her feel even more out of the norm. If you constantly topicalize something that can be hurtful too! It would be great if they managed somehow just to treat it like it was no big deal and normal, but at the same time tell her they are open to try and help if she has questions or wants to talk about it.

I know that if I had had that problem at 15 I probably wouldn´t have wanted to discuss it in all detail with my parents, so if they constantly pushed me to talk about it it woulda been a nightmare.

 

i have no personal experience in this situation
my kids are too young to have to deal with so far
i do have an aunt that is about 5 years older than i am that is gay and she told me first
i always thought something was odd but it wasnt my place to judge

at age 15 i dont know that a person knows what or who they are so id say that maybe they are just learning how to be them
and if she is gay so fucking what

i understand that people judge others based on what they want for themselves but to say that just because someone loves someone that happens to have the same genitalia as they do just proves that the judge is an asshole

what should he do or not do?
thats simple
love the child for who they are and support them
teach them what real love and self respect is
help them find a community that will welcome and suuport them
just let the kid be themself and dont make it a thing
if they make it a topic it will become an issue that divides
so what if she breaks up wit a girl or a guy it still hurts the same
be there like a good parent and just know that the ending is the same

 

There's a big discussion in Oz at the moment about one of our world famous sports stars coming out after hiding it from everyone for years......Ian Thorpe an Olympic swimmer, he suffered from years of depression brought on by fear of what his family, friends and adoring fans would think of him of him admitting to being gay....... there's been no negative opinions.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-07-14/thorpes-coming-out-sheds-light-on-gay-stigma-in-sport/5596482

 

Like anotheruser1 I have never been involved in such a matter: but along with him and Magpie, they offer the best means to handle it - love them, and treat them with kindness. It is their decision, but the daughter does need to remember, she is still underage and under the authority of her parents.

She needs to be as open with them as they are with her.

 

I'd cut the funds to the clam bumper's cell phone. You don't say NO to me when I'm paying for it.

 

Lol. I love how you stick to the main issues and don't let no silly little "I'm gay" confession get in the way. Lol

 

When i told my family that i was in a relationship with a woman some of them couldn't accept it and so the consequence is that i dont speak to them any more not even when they tried to reconnect with me because i cant forgive how they treated me

I didnt want to talk about it with them because i knew who i was and any discussions i wanted to have was with people going through similar experiences to me or who had already gone through something similar

I definitely did not want to be forced to talk about it with my parents in what would've been the most awkward conversation of my life ... i just wanted them to accept me and not treat me any different and just go about life as it always had been with the only thing different being was i was dating a girl... i didnt need/want a big deal being made of it

 

There's your answer. No teenager wants to talk to their parents about sex, gay or straight.

 

Hi - I'm an older woman, mom of a daughter who early on declared she was lesbian. Later she discovered she liked boys also. My point being that the daughter may be going through a phase in her hormonal superstorm and things can change rapidly and radically during that time in a girl's life. Encouragement to the parents to be patient and loving and not too prying might help keep the family stress level down, and the daughter's openness to her parents more available.

 

Apparently I was unclear about how my friend and her husband feel about their daughter?

They are COMPLETELY supportive of their daughter, and told her that they will always love her, not matter who she loves.
------------------------
I just wanted to know if talking about it would be the right thing - proving that they are OK with her decisions. OR if talking about it would just be awkward and they don't need to "prove" their love and acceptance, they just need to go on with daily life as if this was no big deal.

The cutting last year rattled everyone so badly that the LAST thing anyone wants to do is make the daughter feel uncomfortable or stressed.

 

The parents need to let her know the door is open and she can come to them anytime she wants to talk about it and then back off for a bit. Sometimes caring and try to do the right thing to much does more harm than good.

 

+1

 

Maybe they can write her a note and put it on her bed with something along the lines of ..we love you as much as we always did we support you in whoever you love and know we will be there for you no matter what and will answer any questions you have to the best of our ability with no judgement however we know that it isnt easy to talk to your parents so here are some places you can go talk to if you want ( list some lgbt groups and websites advice like the trevor project etc) however know we are always willing to talk about anything you want

If she didn't want to come out at that point but had to because of the phone check so she may not want to be sat down to talk about it but if she knows she can speak to them it may help her in the long term

 

No really?
They did a good job of turning her into a lesbian; might as well throw a dyke party?

 

I agree with Sub this matter has come out prematurely due to the phone check which could have been more tactfully handled. The parents have some reassuring to do and must tread softly softly.

Make it known they are there to talk and help but no more prying. The daughter will talk about when she is ready.

thinskin