How do couples handle a different preference towards sex? For example, if one enjoys 'romantic' sex and the other enjoys a more 'robust' activity? Does one change there preferences or do they simply adapt to their lovers preference. I'm sure there are couples who meet who are total opposites in the bedroom. Just curious about what happens or how it may be handled. Ladies and gent, I think it would be interesting to get input from both sides.

 

A relationship always works best when either party is willing to make sacrifices or compromises atleast to some extent for the other. But if some one is very particular about what he or she wants sexually or any other part of the relationship and is not willing to make any sort of compromises it would be wise for him/her to communicate that with his/her partner before hand, before they ever make it to the bed.

 

I identify as sub, but my last two long term partners have been extremely diffident in the bedroom. I had to be a bit more controlling than I ideally wanted, and they were less passive than they would have otherwise been, and it worked to a point.
Sometimes I just longed for them to rip my clothes off and shove me onto the bed, but I figure that's just life.

 

My wife & I started dating in college, and the sex started shortly after that. At first, she initiated the sex and was more forward and I was the shy/timid one. As time progressed, I became the more adventurous one, and she became the more shy/timid one. Back then, she would go out of her comfort zone and allow me to have sex with her in places where we might be caught. I always let her choose the places, and we had some great sex with intense orgasms (for both of us). We never did get caught (that we know of) and we managed to have sex in some pretty bizarre places during college.

After college, we got married, and things slowly progressed like they had been, where I became the "risk junkie" and she became more and more "conservative". She stopped having sex outdoors, in the car, and in public buildings (although we always used secluded places in any location we had sex). Now she has progressed to only having sex in a bed. Whether it's our own bed, or a hotel bed, it has to be in a bed. Although she has limited the places we can have sex, she has allowed me to expand the things we can do more over time too. Previously, she would not allow any oral. She tried sucking me, and doesn't care for it, but she has learned that she really enjoys me licking and sucking her. She has even started to enjoy me licking her pussy after my cock has been in it, which she never would allow years ago.

We both have made compromises for each other over the years. In my experience, when the two preferences are radically different, one partner tends to make the larger sacrifices, and over time it often changes as to which one is making the larger sacrifices and things tend to balance out. In my case, either she made more sacrifices early on than I realized, or things will get much better for me. I suspect that when I was a 20-something guy, I just didn't realize all the things she did for me and that the balance is still in my favor, although it is doesn't seem that way now.

 

Id like to say that water finds it level. If you get me. So people in a relationship will continue in that precicely because they are simlar enough sexually.

that of course is not necessarily true and concessions need to be made. I doubt a relationship on opposite sides of the spectrum would work but then again i want sex but my wife doesnt so i muddle through..

the difference however is that she at one time had no issues and seemingly loved riding my cock or getting fucked over the sofa after watching some porn

 

I have lived through various stages of compatibility. My first husband was not as highly sexed as I was and always left me wanting more, so much so that he knew I was unsatisfied and built up thoughts in his mind that I was getting it somewhere else - which I hasten to add, I wasn't. He became horrifically jealous about me posing at an Art school class - which incidentally I was employed in when we first met - and convinced himself I was having an affair with the tutor - which I wasn't. But how do you convince someone who has paranoid jealousy that he is wrong? He beat me regularly when I returned from work. To cut a long story short - I eventually divorced him.

My second husband has not a jealous bone in his body and loved the fact I posed nude at the college. He was as highly sexed as I was and there were very few days that we didn't make love at least once. We were totally compatible sexually. I joined him in his amateur dramatic and operatic society and became a leading soprano. It was my husband who then suggested that I combined both talents - a good nude figure and fine singing voice - as a naked singer in a packaged stag show. This we did. However, a bad car accident left my husband fighting for his life. He finally recovered but was left totally impotent.

It was then that his love for me shone through, as he realised that my high libido would be compromised. He wrongly assumed that I might stray, despite my love and loyalty towards him, but I had already resolved to satisfy my sexual needs on my own with self masturbation - when out of the blue he suggested that I was sexually shared with his best friend. A friend I had met at the same dance as my husband, with my choice of which one to date depending almost entirely on my future husband's better dancing ability - as I was equally attracted to them both. The same best friend was eventually the best man at our wedding and actually mentioned our joint meeting at the original dance in his speech.

Being shared with him therefore became natural for me, and my husband watched every time his best friend and I had sex. My husband watching was part and parcel of the compatibility between us, and although he never took part in any sexual action whatsoever, he was still part of the sexual situation as someone who loved me and wanted the best for me. Things have moved on a bit since then with my husband's other pals requesting equal sexual sharing rights as his friends, something both my husband and I were happy to agree to, as unfortunately his best friend was not as highly sexed as my husband had been prior to the accident, and was struggling somewhat to keep up with my much stronger sexual demands, so he was also pleased to share me further. Everything is ideal at the moment as I now have enough friends to satisfy me completely, and my husband watches and enjoys each and every sexual meeting.

We were originally sexually compatible as equal highly sexed lovers, and now we are compatible in an entirely different way. If you love each other anything can be overcome and made to work to achieve a satisfactory conclusion. I should know - I've experienced the full gamut of sexual emotion in my twenty years of twin marriages and know that anything is possible with loving compromise.

 

That's actually a very moving story Tania.

Props to both you and especially your husband for making such loving decisions.

 

Everything about the wife and I started with a dramatic sexual difference I had experienced sex, I had an education steeped in it and was curious. Lil Donna was a strictly raised and compliant Catholic with no interest in having sex with any one other then whom she married which made for many years (well documented here) of negotiations and compromise. If you don't have that it all falls apart!

 

my wife was raised a good jewish girl that was taught that sex was wrong unless you wanted to have a kid
i was a bit of a freak
yes she was pure when we met but i changed her thoughts
together we have 4 kids + my first with the 1st wife and even after 10+ years together we are 100% on the same level when it comes to sex because we both compromise

 

I was going to quote Tanias post in full but FM's appraisal is spot on and I agree completely.. If you want to read the full story you will have to read above but yes Thank you Tania for sharing your story....

 

We compromise and have vanilla sex for her 29 days out of 30 and complete freak sex for me on the thirtieth day.

 

Do both, and add some others. Variety really is the spice in our lives.

 

My wifey didn't get freaky till she turned 50..... now I'm struggling to keep up!!

 

Well said!

My boyfriend who I love greatly and I are on very different "pages" currently when it comes to our sex drive and sexual preferences. I would fuck daily but right now he doesnt have the time / energy / stamina. I continue to love him and we talk about the issues we are facing. I am confidant we will get over this hurdle

 

What's the problem now?

 

As long as your talking you will, I unfortunately had to open those pathways too which made it hard so rock on B.K.G.

 

I dont know what the matter with her is

 

OMG! I reckon I am highly sexed NOW at forty - if that happens to me at fifty it looks like my husband will have to join a few local rugby clubs to get more friends! LOL.

 

You've never tried to talk to her about her not seeming to want sex?