I could use your advice. My wife of 31 years has lost interest in sex. Her hardware works and she has orgasms when we fuck, but she does not really seem to need it or want it. Last year she went through alcohol rehab to recover from a bad case of alcoholism and depression and it is working marvelously, but her sex drive is still nonexistent. It has always been low, but now it's below zero.

When she was a basket case and knew it, she gave me permission to fuck others, and so I rekindled a relationship with an old g/f in another city 5 hours away. We have fucked several times, but she's not much to look at and we have almost nothing in common, so that's not gonna work. I have visited Asian Spas, which are relatively safe for BJs at least, since they use rubbers, but I'd rather not spend the money or take the risk.

I can't get it up with my wife because of her lack of interest. Don't have trouble by myself or with others, just her. I got a Viagra prescription and since it takes 45 minites to get active, I have worked out a deal where we have planned sex once a week. I thought the regular sex would shake her out of her disinterest and she'd start wanting it more. She's even trying an herbal concoction that's supposed to increase female libido but after several weeks of two/day pills, she reports that she still has no interest in sex. She will let me do virtually anything with her, even cum on her face, but she just lays there expressionless, waiting for it to be over. I've tried lots of kissing, asking her what she wants, various positions, etc., all to no avail.

What a choice: meaningless free sex with an unattractive former g/f, scheduled sex with a wife who does not want it, masturbation while surfing xnxx, or hookers/AMPs.

I am normal, well-adjusted, well-off, fairly good looking, not overweight, and have a 7" dick. I love to give a woman pleasure in whatever way turns her on. There's no reason why my wife should not want to fuck based on my looks or ability to please her.

It is virtually impossible to talk to my wife about all this. Whenever I try, her brain locks up and she gets very uncommunicative. I think she still has unresolved psychological "issues".

I don't really want to cheat on her. I just want her to want sex. Anyone got a surefire way to increase female libido without alcohol?

 

Do you have sex therapists in the USA - it might help?

 

Maybe...

Please don't take this the wrong way, but your info here says your 55, and you said your wife is 31. Many people don't find age an issue, but perhaps you are getting old? Though some don't find it an issue, maybe she does? Again, please don't take it as my poking fun or anything, just trying to help understand the situation. And who knows, maybe I'm completely wrong on that!

 

Age is seldom the issue, but I agree with bigbird, if you really want to resolve this issue it may be time to get a professional involved.

 

I believe they've been married for 31 yrs. ("wife of 31 yrs") not that her age was 31.
At least that's how I took it. just FYI

 

Have her discuss it with her doctor.
The herbal remedies typically only offer a placebo effect and many times do more harm than good.
Let her get a real checkup and make sure there are no hormonal problems.
Once the physical systems are cleared you should have her talk to a counselor about possibly some underlying issues she has due to her recovery.

 

you really should do something..so, i do agree a professional might help...can't hurt right?!

 

drugs and alcohol kill your sex drive.

 

Not had that effect on me yet - well alcohol - the drugs - well I'm still a virgin that way !

Surely Alcohol helps the sex drive - I mean you get the beer goggles on and all of a sudden everyone is fucking gorgeous!

 

yeah, but it's actually a proven fact. you might be horny as hell when you're drunk, but in the long run, it damages your sex drive. i remember learning it in health class. :mrgreen:

 

Puts the glass of wine back down on the table

 

HAHAAH!! :mrgreen:

it could very well be what happened to his wife though.

 

If I ever do that I hope my bf strangles me and puts me out with the trash

 

Has she gone through menopause? Without some hormones, the libido tends to fall.

 

I still think seeking professional assistance, either physical or psychological, is the best way to go. You could spend years trying to figure it out.
TJ

 

I would never throw you out, strangle you maybe, but never throw youout

 

If a wife thinks its okay to have sex with others, something is wrong.

Most don't like to admit it, but sex is a key part in marriage.

 

She's two years older than me. We've been married 31 years.

She has been through therapy and it helped her get back on her feet and put weight back on after years of depression and alcoholism. She looks OK now (not great, but tolerable). But she's always been crummy in bed and now it's just worse. I'm grateful that she's allowed me to have sex with others. It removes a ton of guilt knowing that she knows - I don't have to sneak around and hide the fact. And it's not like I'm promiscuous (hmmm, is that where "prom" comes from?). I'm careful. We're both children of the 60's, and open marriage was quite popular for many in our generation so it's not exactly unheard of.

You're all correct. Therapy would help. But it is rather hard to want to spend thousands of bucks on a therapist when I do not feel there's anything wrong with me. (Her year of therapy, after insurance, still cost me several thousand dollars.) I'm nice, caring, thoughtful, do the cooking, do my share of chores, handle the big issues, pay most of the bills, and am generally happy. I'm not abusive, was a good father, and am not bad looking. She's the one with issues. It's annoying that I should have to pay to solve them for her.

I already know her problem - she's jealous, selfish and has a low self-image. She constantly misinterprets ordinary statements as criticisms against her. (Example: before I took over the cooking, if she made something I didn't like, I'd say so, the intent being, don't make this again; but she took it as "I screwed up". And yes, I tried elaborating so she wouldn't feel that way, but she did anyway.) She has trouble praising me for a job well done. She's an only child whose parents disliked each other. Her dad told her he stopped loving her mom when she was born - how's that for a guilt trip? - and her mom told her all men want is to get inside her pants (she's pretty much correct there!). Her dad was suspicious of her mom fooling around on him (foundlessly), and he carried serious grudges his whole life. She inherited a lot of those tendencies. It'd take years of therapy to wipe that slate clean.

Guess I'm just screwed. Or not, as the case may be.

In my next life, I'm marrying a Republican with blonde hair and bangs, self-confident, non-smoker, non-alcoholic, with long legs, shapely ass, good complexion, natural 36C tits, who loves to fuck and is a good cook. And who's rich. Ann Coulter, perhaps?

 

Wow, she seems very moody. How long has she been in recovery? Is she doing anything to actively forward her recovery now (AA, therapy, etc)? Was she put on antidepressants during early recovery (can sap your sex drive)?

 

She obviously knows how you feel and that's why she let you have sex with other women. There are plenty of personals sites out that can probably help you satisfy this problem and since she already knows about it, I suppose as long as you continue to be open and honest in your relationship there should be no problem despite what the public thinks about it. Guess what, the public doesn't need to know what goes on behind closed doors!