John Howard,J.W. Bush,Tony Blair.

 

A boy and his father went to the store and the boy asked if he could buy a ninja turtle and the father asked to the boy "does your dick touch your ass?" and the boy said "no" and the father said "that's your answer!"

Later the boy asked dad if he could get a bike and the father asked to the boy "does your dick touch your ass?" and the boy said "no" and the father said "that's your answer!"

Later the boy asked the father if he could buy a lottery ticket and the dad finally said "OK anything to shut the boy up" and the boy ends up scratching it off and wins 1 Million dollars and the dad said "Could I have some of that money to pay off some bills son?" The son looks at the dad and says "Does your dick touch your ass?" The Dad says "Yes it does matter of fact!" The boys says "good then go fuck your self because this is my money!!!!"

 

What's more fun than swinging a dead baby at 140 mph around a clothes line?






























Stopping it with a shovel

 

what's funnier than a dead baby?

a dead baby in a clown suit

 

How dya get 100 Jews into a Mini?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, 96 in the ash tray

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Two blokes walked into a bar, ya think one of them woulda seen it!

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Why are TV's getting bigger?

Black men are getting stronger.

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Two chavs are in a car, there is no radio playing....whos driving the car?

The police.

 

What do you call a chav in a suit?

.......the defendant!

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How many Country and Western singers does it take to change a light-bulb?

Four........one to change it, and three to sing about the old one!

 

how do ya stop a baby from crawling around on the floor?

Put a nail in it's other hand.
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what's sicker than 10 dead babies in a trash can?

1 dead baby in 10 trash cans.
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I just want to say before i post my next jokes that i'm not racist at all.

How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white chick?

Throw em a basketball.
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How do you starve a mexican?

Put his food stamps under his work boots

 

(
From an Outdoors Sporting Magazine back in the 1960's)

A newly wedded wife writes the technical adviser of the magazine with this question.

My husband and I were just recently married. And in the top of one of the closets he had an old fishing pole laid out. But I needed more shelf room for my hat boxes and shoes so I stacked some of them up there. However, when my husband saw this he became very angry and said that if I had broken the tip on his custom made split bamboo fly rod he would have beaten me black and blue. Can you explain this?

The Adviser:
Yes, when blows of sufficient force are struck on the human body, tiny capillaries in the blood vessels underneath the skin are ruptured, creating a condition known as ecchymosis, which is characterized by a blackish or is some cases even bluish appearance on the skin..

 

A guy is sitting at a bar having a beer when an older gentleman walks up to him and shouts " I fuck your mother!'
The guy just sits there drinking his beer. The older guy comes back over and yells "your mother sucks on my prick!" The guy just shruggs. Now the bar tender, who can't belive that it hasn't gotten a rise out of the guy, slides him another beer for not causing any problems. All of a sudden here comes the older guy guy again yelling " I fucked your moother in her asshole!"
At this the younger guy turns and says "Pop go home your drunk!"

 

3 men were walking down the road, one black, one chinese, and one Polish. They came upon a farm and asked the owner if they could sleep the night. The owner gave them a place to sleep in the living room. The owner of the house had a nympho daughter that slept in a room at the top of the stairs from the living room, and suspecting that the three men might try to fuck her in the middle of the night, he laid popcorn all up and down the stairs. The black man pissed all over the pocorn to silence his footsteps, walked up the stairs, and fucked the daughter. When he was done, he woke the Chinese guy up and told him "you gotta try that stuff man". The Chinese guy did as the black guy had done earlier, and pissed on the popcorn, then walked up the stairs and fucked the nympho daughter. When the Chinses guy was done, he woke the Polish guy, telling him "man you gotta get some of that". While the Polish guy had left the room, the black man said to the Chinese guy, "man, that sure was good huh?" The chinese guy agreed and as he was reentering the room, the Polish guy chimed in "yeah that was some of the best hot buttered popcorn I've ever had!"