Does safe sex include putting warning signs on animals that kick ?

 

Why is it that, if I lie on a job application, I will be fired when the lie is discovered.

A student will be given a failing grade for cheating on a test.

A doctor will be sued if he makes an egregious error in his practice.

But a politician, is not only elected by telling lies, cheats in debates and routinely commits such errors but is re-elected for admitting to them.

This is certainly in the "Bizarre" category.

 

Why don't they call cold "Hot Pockets", just pockets?

 

How do you write "0" in Roman numerals?

And did Roman physicians call and IV a 4?

 

Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?

 

There is a Stairway to Heaven, but a Highway to Hell .... kinda lets you know where all the fun is

 

Never trust something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.

 

That thought of breaking my wardrobe's mirror because I can't stand my own reflextion but feeling awful the next second because isn't the mirror's fault I feel so disgusted by my own image. So instead I cover it with a towel.

 

Would the world be any different if MC Hammer let us touch stuff?

 

I bet MC Hammer's wife gets really frustrated when she tries to initiate foreplay.

 

Now I have a mental image of MC Hammer shuffling sideways across the bedroom shouting 'You can't touch this', while his wife chases him. Thanks for that.

 

Only if you are an English Upper class person!!

 

Some of you know me to be a grammar Nazi but it kicked one guy in the bum when he was in Chester and an American came up to him and asked, "Hey buddy, can you tell me where the zoo is at?"

The guy smiled and shook his head, "My dear boy, you can't possibly end a sentence, especially a question, with a preposition! "

The American put his hands in the air, "Buddy, you're right! I'll try again! Hey, can you tell me where the zoo's at, ASSHOLE ?"

 

Former President Jimmy Carter once admitted to committing adultery in his heart. It probably would have been more fun in a motel room.

 

So, a guy is driving down the road. Along the way, he passes a little boy on the side of the road. Next to the boy is a box of kittens and a sign.

Free kittens. They're Democrats!

The guy chuckles to himself wondering how the hell the kid came to that conclusion. Anyway, a few days later, the same guy is driving down the same road and sees the same boy on the side of the road. Again, next to the boy is the box of kittens. Only, now he has a different sign.

Free kittens. They're Republicans!

The guy's curiosity is piqued. So he stops and says to the kid, "Just a few days ago, you said these kittens were Democrats. Now you're saying they're Republicans. What happened between now and then?

The kid says, "Well Mister, now their eyes are open!"

 

Moses and the Israelites wandered the desert for forty years. God took the time to carve ten commandments in stone. I think a goatskin with " Turn left at the big rock" would have been more helpful .

 

Wow! And I thought the US' requirements to hold political office were loose , er lax , um easy to meet.

Some political candidates in India must prove they use a toilet

By: Shashank Bengali Parth M.N. Los Angeles Times, Published on Sat Apr 02 2016

MUMBAI, INDIA—A growing number of states in India are imposing a new requirement on candidates for local office: They must use a toilet.

The western state of Maharashtra this past week became the latest to pass a law requiring those running in municipal and village-level elections to present proof that they have access to working toilets. Five Indian states — with combined populations of nearly 400 million people, or roughly one-third of the country — have enacted similar legislation over the past two years.

That’s no small demand in a country in which an estimated 40 per cent of people, including more than half in rural areas, lack access to safe, functioning commodes, according to WaterAid, a charity. In much of rural India, most people still defecate in the open due to a lack of toilets and widespread traditional beliefs that it is more wholesome to go outdoors.

Open defecation, however, has been linked to chronic diarrhea and other diseases that lead to stunted growth in children, as well as to violence against women who must leave their homes to relieve themselves.

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi has launched a “Clean India” campaign that aims to end open defecation and install 110 million toilets nationwide by 2019. Four of the five states that have introduced laws requiring local political candidates to use toilets are led by Modi’s Bharatiya Janata Party.

State officials say they want local office-holders to serve as role models in following modern sanitation practices.


------------------------

Then again...

 

Trying to figure out the best way to convince my neighbor that the toaster is a bath toy.

 

Where there's a will there's a deceased person

 

Re: Doctor WHO ,,,

Don't you wonder why none of the Doctors have bumped into each other when getting up in the middle of the night to go pee, especially amongst the older ones?