Bad Seed​

Catching her breath, she leaned against the plastic building smirking. The authorities on this planet were such suckers! Holy crap, she'd walked out the front door with it for god's sake! Just how stupid were they? Holding up the protective container she smiled, this was going to set up her for a while that was for sure. That is if her buyer was on the up and up, smirking again she thought, well I'd just kill him if he wasn't.

An hour later she'd made the space port with still no pursuit at all. Cripes! Were they really that nonchalant about the whole business? Boarding the space liner she kept her guard up, it had saved her in the past and she wasn't about to stop. Finally alone in her cabin she removed the vial from the protective case. Opening it up, she looked at her loot. Damn if it didn't appear to be a vial of...? What the hell? Semen? Smirking she thought well guess it takes all kinds.

She'd be onboard her ship soon, the space liner was good but nowhere near as secure as her ship. Pulling her com she set up an extremely long and difficult code. Finally ready she nodded and opened the frequency.

"Yes," Came a hissing male voice. "My time is precious, speak or I'll hunt you down!"

Her simulated, deeply male sounding voice came out of the hissing male's com. "I have the desired product. As agreed or I'll be hunting. Are we clear Baroton? Deception, loss of payment, accompaniment, will cause a hunt that you will NOT enjoy."

Just then she felt the ship slip into hyper space. Smiling she listened as the male gulped and replied. "We are very clear. Time?"

"I use the ancient earth empire time, less complicated; two of their days, one half of your secons." The woman replied.

"Agreed, where we set to meet. Your agent? As I assume you will not be there." The male asked.

Here the woman smiled, "a nema colored (yellow) head growth, human female. Your agent?"

This made the male smile; he'd heard that the earth females were weak and completely delicious! It was a damn shame there were so few left, well that he knew of. "A simple Grontec (Lizard type) biped servant."

The woman smiled when she saw that Baroton the Grontec was getting excited. She wondered if his planet still had the hundred year death penalty. Smiling larger she had a few surprises for Baroton. Looking closer at his excited Lizard penis as it lengthened she smiled larger, yes she had more than a few surprises for him.

Opening another com she said, "I am going to the Grontec home world, trace and follow in two days." A beeping tone gave her the acknowledgement she expected. She spent the rest of the day updating all the equipment. Including what she was remotely controlling at the point where they were to meet, well close to it. Smiling she hoped that Baroton was more lively this time than he was the last time she talked to him.

The next day the ship landed, an announcement telling everyone that they were there. Donning a holo-projector she walked off the ship looking like a male Grontec. Smiling she knew that the projector made her look huge and bad tempered. More than a few people moved out of the way as she moved to the front of the embarkation line.

"Hey you!" Came a voice speaking the Grontec language.

Turning she stared at the approaching guard. "You do not like being able to walk do you?" She replied with a growl in the Grontec language. The guard stopped short staring at the huge, apparently male Grontec, business merchant.

The guard steeled himself up, resuming his defensive approach. "You special or something? Get back in line before..."

The woman concentrated and hit the guard in the neck effectively snapping it. "I guess life was far too easy on you." Spitting in the guards dead face the woman said, "Go to Tranda! (Grontec equivalent of hell). Worthless!"

Several more guards came running up looking at the scene. "What has gone on here?" The leader of the troops asked.

"The worthless one tried to make me go back in line behind all these." The woman pointed to all the other alien passengers. "I took my right as a citizen, he tried to stop me. He is dead, I regained my honor." At this the woman drew a sinister looking dagger and cut the dead guards throat, removing a grey organ. As the others watched she opened her mouth and downed it.

"It was an honor to see one who still honors the old ways!" The leader of the guards said. "This will never happen again. We will toast you tonight over the torture pit! Let's go! Throw that worthless one to the scavengers."

The woman leaned close and said, "A fitting end to this waste of air!"

Walking away the woman rounded a corner stopping to push a button on the holo-projector. Immediately the vision of a different Grontec appeared around her. Smiling again she checked the power and saw she was good for another two hours.

Going to her appointed hut she set all her traps and alarms. Also remembering to set her matter transporter in case a quick escape was needed. Satisfied that the shields could withstand a small nuclear explosion she laid down to rest a bit.

An hour and a half later her alarm went off as she clenched the gun under her pillow. The alarm was just letting her know it was time. Checking the charge on her holo-projector she saw that it was almost back at five hours. Shaking her head she was glad she'd spent the extra creds to get the power converter, as of yet it hadn't failed her. Smiling she loaded up all her equipment and checked what was near the meeting place.

It was nearly half an hour later hour later when a rather plain transport pulled up at a small oasis in the Grontec desert. The Grontec desert wasn't all that large but it was completely deserted, very hot, and lifeless. Smiling she thought the perfect meeting place and ambush spot.

Parking directly opposite of Baroton's servant she started to move to a midpoint around one side. Holding up her hand she tried not to smile. So Baroton thought that she didn't know what he looked liked or that she couldn't spot a holo-projector herself.

"I was told that I was meeting a plain servant of the great Baroton. You look like no plain servant I have ever seen!" The woman said.

"As I was told that I would be meeting a nema colored, head growth human female. Your head growth is nowhere near nema colored. More like temo (brown) of the sand." The disguised Baroton replied.

Smiling the woman said, "I'd like to finish this; my master has no patience for waiting."

Touching her comp to Baroton's she smiled inside. She knew that the worm program would drain his accounts if she didn't send a counter command in a few hours. Once it was discovered that the government funds he had were gone, the Grontec military would be after him.

A beeping let her know the funds were transferred plus the worm was uploaded. Stepping back she got an alert that there were heavy weapons moving her way. "I must go; the master can be most unpleasant when he is betrayed."

Pressing several buttons a deep male voice echoed out of a speaker on her shoulder. "I am most displeased Baroton. Expect the hunt to begin in 1 dacos (hour), I do not appreciate betrayal!"

The disguised Baroton spread his arms in confusion, "Baroton? I am but a simple..."

"ENOUGH! You really think I am a stupid human? I knew it was you the moment she approached you." The woman waved her hand as Baroton's disguise disappeared. "You should know that no one knows who I am, I have never lost a deal nor failed to deal with betrayal!"

Baroton grabbed the woman pressing his dagger to her throat. "What of your agent? If I kill her and take her comp?"

"Go ahead; the comp is encrypted with thirty five separate codes, though I should advise you. She was trained at my insistence by the death bringers of Ceti-5. You have but a few moments before you will be dead at her feet. Though I would really love to hunt your dead carcass across this world of yours. I say dead because, you are already!"

"May I master? I haven't killed for you in such a long time!" The woman pleaded.

"Well Baroton?" Quickly Baroton released the woman. "Now then, unless you wish to lose equipment that I am sure isn't yours I suggest you call them off." The male voice said.

Baroton's eyes went wide as he opened his com and started to bark out orders. He didn't know what level the woman was but even a first year could decimate all the men he had coming. If she was as trained as the one known as the Master thief, Master killer had said. Then all his men and equipment wouldn't be enough.

"Yes master." The woman was saying an unhappy look on her face. "The master says you haven't much time. Go, run, flee whatever you will do. The master is anxious to hunt!"

Baroton turned a thin smile crossing his face. The fools had given him the means to defeat the master killer/thief. Then he thought with it he could also take the Grontec planet as his own!

The woman watched as Baroton sped away on his transport. "Stand down, discontinue voice. Access code mu, alpha, sigma, tau, epsilon, rho. Enact."

"Code accepted, orders master Wren?" The mechanical sounding voice stated.

"Drain half of all funds of Baroton. Make sure all government funds are included in them. Leave a trail directly back to him." Wren replied.

"Working, all parameters are set. Will you be coming back? There are three job requests for you, though I am sure after this you might not get any for a bit." The voice told her.

"Hmmmm, you are correct, alright then, drain three fourths of everything he has. That should keep us going for a while and give us a chance to lay low." Wren told the voice.

"Very good master. I will await your return. I had your best hunting equipment sent right behind you. Knowing the Grontec's from all the information you supplied I thought it best." The A.I. told her.

A most sincere smile crossed her lips. There were times she thought that her A.I. was more alive than she thought it should be. Watching on a live feed she decided she might as well eat, then she'd kill him. Thinking a moment she nodded yeah seems best.

"Trigon. Find out as much as you can about the item we just sold. Gather everything and correlate another buyer. One that would be less suicidal and more greedy. Gonna need one after I kill him and take it back." Wren stated.

"Working Master Wren, I should have everything in an hour." The A.I. replied.

"Good I'm going after Baroton." Wren told her A.I. as she started off back toward the city.

__________________________________________________________________________

Baroton laughed as he went into his dwelling with the vial. Once he consumed what it held he'd have ultimate power! Adjusting everything he thought he'd need, it was half an hour later when he felt he was ready. Winding the top open Baroton could swear that what was in it was reaching for him. Smiling he guessed that it knew that he was powerful, the perfect host for it!

Finally open, Baroton laughed one more time then turned the vial up. What was inside slowly oozed its way down and out of the vial. As soon as the first drop touched his Lizard mouth the rest of it rushed out smashing into Baroton's face. With an inhuman scream Baroton clawed at the oozing liquid to no avail. Falling on the floor Baroton’s body began to convulse then it was still. Baroton's body inhaled one last time then all was still.

A minute later the body sat up, "free! After so long!" The body's eyes went left and right for a minute then stood. "So you thought to have my power for your own!" There was a deep evil laugh, "like all the fools before, you were far too weak to command me! Now with your finances I should be able to procure a ship and return. When I am done they will all die for trying to destroy me!"

The body took a step toward the door when a com on its wrist went off. "Baroton! You traitor! All of the government's money has disappeared! You have but a moment before we initiate search and destroy measures! Baroton answer!"

Looking at the com incredulously the body said, "I have no time for your piddling money leave off with your annoying prattle!"

"WHAT!?? You will die for that remark you, human!" The Grontec voice screamed. "Arm all droids! Seek and destroy! GO!"

The body grunted then smashed the com. Walking out of Baroton's dwelling, it hadn't gone far when there was a droning of machines. "Searching for target." The drone in the lead said. Suddenly there was a fast beeping as it drew closer. "Target acquired! All units’ full force destroy!" Flying ahead of the body several drones stopped in front of it. Suddenly all of them began to fire high energy particle beams.

The body stopped walking and looked at the drones with irritation. Swinging an arm in front of it, all the drones that had been firing in front of it crumpled like a crushed can. Grunting the body waited.

"All drones remaining, activate level three destruction!" The lead drone stated.

The rest of the drone’s weapons revolved then started to fire plasma beams. This time the body was actually hit as both arms were ripped off, several holes appeared in the body. Then the mouth opened, the body emitted a high frequency sound. All the drones started to shake, and then almost all of the rest of them exploded!

"Danger, control target has been damaged but is still powerful enough to destroy all drones suggest skreeeeeeeee!" The lead drone said then it too exploded. Several Grontecs wandered near as what was left of the body rocked. A young male Grontec got very close as the liquid flew from the body hitting him.

Across the way Wren had watched most of what had happened. Shaking her head at the young male she thought, ‘what an idiot!’ She'd arrived not long after Baroton had hit the floor. Clutching her weapon she knew what she had to do. Problem was if the host was still alive she'd kill them also.

Sighing, she might be a killer and a thief but she had a code. No one died unless they were: one, a job. Two, had pissed her off to no end. Three, they just needed killing in the worst way. All three of these rules applied to a hell of a lot of the males out there. At least half the females and almost no children. There were a few cases but those weren't really kids.

Even as she watched a young female ran to the screaming and gasping male. Clawing at his face to no avail, the female started to scream for help. The young man stopped breathing, and then the body sat up causing the female to scream louder. Without a second thought the body swung an arm at the female and decapitated her! Wren cursed when she saw how many people were here, not offering her a chance to regain what had been in the vial.

Following the body as it made its way to the space port Wren hoped that she get a chance at it alone. At the space port the body spotted a transport and tried to force it's way on board. The guards opened fire on it, this only served to make it angry. Roaring the body waved it's arms as several of the guards dropped dead. That is 'til they brought out heavier weapons.

Sighing Wren could only shake her head this thing was going to decimate everyone here if they didn't stop firing on it. Suddenly there was a titanic blast and the body was torn apart. Before she could make a move to the body several of the guards that were left walked up to what was left.

Faster than almost anyone could follow a light colored liquid flew from the body hitting a guard. Wren could only sigh, some days it hardly paid to steal from idiots. Again like the others the guard's body flopped around for a moment then stopped. Sitting up the body of the guard growled and started to punch holes in some of the other guards’ chests, decapitating the rest.

Wren's eyes lit up when she saw that she was finally alone with the body. Stepping out the weapon and vial clutched tight she yelled. "Temprotron! Yeah you! I am here for you!"

The body growled then turned toward Wren, as it did the eyes went wide when it saw what Wren had in her hands. "I will not go back into that receptacle! You do not..., wait! What species are you? You closely resemble a member of the powerful empire that helped encase us before! NO! You are a human! Keep away! Of all the species you know that you are the only one that we cannot take!"

"I know all of this I also know you are trying to stall so you can escape; fat chance!" Switching on the weapon, the body began to scream as the liquid was drawn out. The body shook then finally collapsed, Wren smiled she knew better as she moved closer. Renewed screams emitted from the body 'til a ringing came from the weapon. Looking at the vial she smiled, "I have another buyer for you Temprotron; I just hope they aren't as stupid as Baroton was."

A fading voice told her, "We will kill you human female. We are not some THING for you to sell."

Smirking Wren laughed as she walked away from the space port. Funny thing she thought, Temprotron you actually ARE a thing, one that was created ages ago. Wouldn't do to have to kill more of them. The Grontecs paid well if she killed too many they'd take forever to increase again. Stopping a moment she called her A.I., "Trigon, have the buyers responded yet?"

"I am still receiving offers. It seems that this was the biggest item on the news. Apparently the planet you took it from has finally noticed that it was missing. A reward has been issued, along with a warning not to open it. No other particulars have been mentioned." Trigon replied.

"Christ they have just noticed almost three days later? Like I said before what idiots! Hmmmm interesting, what is this reward," Wren asked.

"At present they are offering a million credits." The A.I. responded.

"Ha! Not even worth the effort to take it back in orbit, let alone turn it over! What of the others," Wren asked.

"The people of your old master are offering 500 million; I also have a starting offer at 750 million." Trigon said.

"Ah! That's more like it! Any others that are higher," Wren asked.

"No master Wren, most are slightly below that level. Shall I respond to them?" The A.I. asked.

"Yes, tell them that the situation has changed. They are to make their bids but because of betrayal the cost has risen to a starting price of a billion." Wren replied.

"Very good Master Wren, also I have a communiqué from an agent X. They are asking when, nothing else." Trigon reported. "Is there a reply that you wish to send?"

"No, I'll handle that myself." Wren grimaced what in the hell did her mother want now? "Alright I'm coming onboard; open my compartment, then make for space as soon as all is secure, after a shower I'll see the offers."

"Yes Master Wren, accessing now." A moment later a door opened in front of her. Stepping in a voice told her, "Welcome home Master Wren. Making for space, dinner will be in 20 minutes."

Nodding Wren made her way to the sonic shower. ‘After getting clean and eating, we'll see what we have,’ she thought as she disrobed.

 

An interesting tale, it made you sympathize with the main protagonist, even though she was a bad guy really.

A lot of unanswered questions, like:
Why was it so easy to steal?
Why was it so deadly?
Why were humans immune from it?
What's with the death bringers of Ceti-5 that the mere mention of being trained by them frightened him so much?
She may have been a bit too powerful for the good of the story as well.
What was "the hundred year death penalty?"
Why do drones communicate by voice?

There was also the habit of putting (parenthetical explanations) inside of "direct quotes." That's confusing to me, the way I was taught was that everything inside a direct quote was actually said.

 

Well,to me this was very hard to follow--
Jumped around a lot for a (short ) story
Personally couldn't connect with characters
Thanks for your entry,and time good luck !

 

I quite like a bit of sci-fi, and this was a jolly little tale. A bit 11th grade, but not a bad story. As a short(ish) story the plot worked okay, but it could have benefited from being fleshed out a little, with just a tad more back-story.

 

While reading this story I found myself like I was wondering around in a maze going around and around and not knowing what way was up. Thanks for your submission. I appreciate you and all the writers taking their time to submit to this CAW.

 

Sci-fi is always a bit confusing for me but there appeared to be great effort put forth by the author. Thank you.

 

Sci-fi is not on my list of favorites, it was interesting and I was able to finish reading the story!

 

Well I wasn't expecting that! Good job. It was entertaining and well enough written that I didn't pick up any faults.

 

Okay, science fiction - it's not my absolute favorite genre, but I do like well written sci-fi. It's easy to throw stuff in there and give it strange properties or make things happen that can't possibly happen in real life, at least not yet. Still, it all has to make some sort of sense and be tied together somehow, and this has to be done coherently, so the reader can understand it.

This one could have been fleshed out a bit more, perhaps, with some explanation of the more obscure references. These, I think, were mentioned above, and though long, drawn-out explanations aren't necessary, some idea of what is meant, what the writer envisioned, would have been helpful. There was enough there to give the story a good plot, but I think adding a bit of detail here and there would have helped immensely.

And don't throw a lot of stuff in parenthesis, especially in the middle of a quote - that gets confusing. If it's something the character was thinking while they were speaking, add it before or after the quote. "I'm going to kill you," he said, thinking of the various ways to do so. Just an example.

Other than a few grammatical and punctuation errors, the writing was technically good. That will come in time, but one way to check, as you write, is to read the story aloud to yourself as you go. Aloud. Listen to yourself, as you read, for natural pauses in the flow - these will probably need a comma, period/begin new sentence, or some other sort of punctuation to indicate a pause.

 

I get the impression the writer edited this story to reduce its length, but in doing so removed some explanations of sci-fi phenomena that may have made things easier to understand. In sci-fi and fantasy writing, the writer asks the reader to believe things that common everyday experience says aren't true or real. That's the nature of the genre, but a little more detail may have helped.

Overall, a good effort.

 

Well, this isn't going to be pleasant, per se, but I'm going to not get into all of the problems and instead cover a few, and then "speak" directly to the author.

1. Changing POV:

That is if her buyer was on the up and up, smirking again she thought, well I'd just kill him if he wasn't.

You want to write from one point of view, third person, first person, that part doesn't matter, just stay consistent. The fix is to change "I'd" to "she'd".

2. Overuse of "smirking":

In the first two paragraphs, this word is used three times. It's an usual word to start with, and to use it three times that quickly is simply too much. There are many online thesaurus sites or even apps that you may wish to get to vary word usage.

3. Overuse of "smiling":

Wow. I guess I'm being tough here, but there's just too much smiling going on. Makes me wanna' reach through the computer monitor and slap this woman. Change the word. Chuckling. Musing. There are a dozen ways you can get across the image without repeating the same word over and over.

I'm really having a tough time connecting at all with this story. I've read lots of sci-fi and watch it often on television. I've written sci-fi myself. I just can't finish this story.

Author? I think that you know what you want to say, but you're just not getting it down on "paper" properly. The sentence structure is awkward, there's missing punctuation. Freethinker said what I was going to say, which is read the story out loud.

Hopefully you have a number of quality sci-fi books in your possession. If you want to write quality sci-fi, read quality sci-fi, and then re-read it from an author's perspective. Find a passage that really impresses you, and dissect it. What do you like about it? Was it very descriptive? Could you easily see the equipment that was described, or the effect? Did the gadget sound like it actually could work? Was it something else? Whatever made it work for you, probably works for others too. Then go and find other passages, and do the same from other sci-fi authors.

If I'm going to write something of a techno-thriller, I read some Tom Clancy and other giants of that genre. Aside from the plot, I try and figure out how he pulls me into the story. There are many giants in sci-fi, I don't need to name them.

Look at the sentence structure in their novels. I guarantee that you won't see the word "Smiling" starting off any sentences, nor will it be repeated that often.

"As I was told that I would be meeting a nema colored, head growth human female. Your head growth is nowhere near nema colored. More like temo (brown) of the sand." The disguised Baroton replied.

That should end "of the sand," the disguised Baroton replied. Again, it's technical writing, but I'm correct here.

Technical writing isn't easy, but if you want to progress and get better, it's something you're going to need to spend time on. It really comes down to why you write. If it is simply something to do, that you like putting out stories but you aren't really that interested in working at it like a craft, hey, ignore the above and enjoy life. No one says ya' have to do jack shit if ya' don't want to. However, if you want to get to the point where people really appreciate your effort, where they look forward to what you write, and where you KNOW that you're putting out quality stories, heed some advice from this old bastard.

I know it took time and effort to write your story. Consider this. If I didn't think you might have some talent within, I wouldn't have spent 30 minutes out of my day writing all of this to you, someone I don't know, someone I'll never meet, etc.

 

I don't know how much research is done when you are writing science fiction, but it seems like there was a lot. In some places, I wish there had been a little more explanation and in others I felt there could have been more editing. Thank you for your story.

 

We had a wide variety of tales in this CAW, and this was certainly no exception. Others have pointed out the technical errors which is quite correct but they didn't spoil my enjoyment of it. Imaginative, creative, this was a good effort by the author.

 

An interesting story which deserves to be read and considered for your vote.

 

I liked the premise of the story though I did find it very difficult to follow at times. It seemed to jump back and forth but it wasn't easy to save or understand where or when she was.

The keeping her guard up bit should have said, let it drop or stop using it , not , about to stop it - that seemed to me you could be talking about the space liner . It read funny to me.

Lots of full stops mid sentence instead of commas was annoying and messed with the flow. Also a few commas seemed to be missing which would have helped like - "The Grontecs paid well if she killed too many they'd take forever to increase again" There should have been a comma after "well" it reads badly as is and needed going over which spoils it for me - See @horsewithnoname 's review on "The Italian Job's "story, he explained it better than my ham fisted way. Thanks Horse. I hope people appreciate the time you took to explain that, I know it isn't always taken the way it's intended - )


It left me with questions like - why after that job why would she not get a job for a while? Especially if there were three already waiting. That I didn't understand.

You flipped tenses and went from almost having an external narrator back to just the story. It seemed strange.

Your A.I came from nowhere with no explanation. I presume Trigon is the name of the A. I ? For me it wasn't well explained or introduced.

As I said the premise was a good one and the story was exciting in parts, if it were tidied up and you moved a couple of bits around it would be a very good story.

It shows promise but maybe reading a few more of the sci-fi stories written by some of the writers here would help you sort out some of the issues that or getting a proof reader.

It was a very interesting mostly well written if slightly confusing (in parts) story.

You do have talent . Good luck with the comp and keep writing . Luvs xx