Earlier today, I submitted the first sex story that I'v e ever written.
I'd really appreciate any constructive criticism.
I've been a long time reader, but for some reason over the past couple of days, I couldn't get this story out of my head. So, I sat down and wrote it last night.
I don't know what caused this. I normally hate creative writing of any sort, but this just wouldn't go away.

Thanks for your time - Derwood

 

Story is posted now.

http://stories.xnxx.com/sex_stories_september_2006/michelle_ma_belle.php

Derwood -

 

it was fucking hot

 

I really liked it!

Now, you asked for feedback ,and I know how important feedback is to me so while I was shaving I tried to think of some for you:

What I liked:

• The sex was well described and importantly the description was very varied - not just the same description again and again.
  
• I liked how the action was interspersed with scenes of 'normality', like describing how your wife is working on a project and you were working on the firewall, and also the 'real' behaviour like thinking to wash to cover up the smell. Things like that keep the story feeling real, and I like that.
  
• Good grammar, and no spelling errors that jumped out at me. Some people think thats picky but bad spelling puts me off just as much as poor grammar.

The only criticism I could think of was that I found the pace too fast. I thought the story jumped from narrative to action too suddenly, and that the action was over too fast. This may be personal preference though; I prefer a little more drawn-out desciprtions of the sex in particular so I can linger in the moment longer. I'm sure others like your pace better than mine though, so don;t jump to conclusions over that one.

All in all I thought it was pretty damned good for a first story.

 

Thanks for the feedback, folks.

Conundrum:
I never really gave pacing any consideration. I'll try to work on that next time.
As far as spelling goes, I did run it through a spell checker before I posted it, but I also re-read through the story about 3-4 times before finally hitting the submit button.

Ashley:
I really don't know which I am
I've read stories here for a few months. And then, the other night the whole story just seemed to come into my head (don't know how else to describe it) and wouldn't leave me alone. So, I opened up notepad and started typing. I'll be honest. I hated creative writing classes in school. I never did well in them at all. I could sit and stare at blank paper for hours and never come up with anything.

I'll try and sit down this weekend and see if I can come up with a respectable continuation.

Thanks again for the feedback.

Derwood -

 

I hated it, and the reason goes back to a line in the third paragraph. "Michelle, the 16 year old had been physically and mentally abused by her natural father . . ." There are several incest scenarios, but this one immediately brought to mind "Adult using damaged child." Unfortunately, the later parts of the story did nothing to dispel this scenario. (Though I admit I just skimmed most of the last half.)

The story needed to be much more explicit as to whether this was the reaction you wanted or not in its early stages. If not, Michelle could have been portrayed as much more self-confident. If so, the father could have been portrayed much slimier. I've seen good examples of both on this site. As it is you presented a betrayal of trust in an unquestioning way that makes it a completely acceptable thing to do. I can't accept that.

If this was indeed a story that you needed to write, it suggests to me that you have issues with trust that you need to explore.