Ok,

I didn't exactly have the best upbringing and I guess its what has made me who I am.

But have not meet anybody like me, so I do feel weird. Not insecure about who I am, just feel that I am not "the norm"

I was sexually abused as a teenager by a family member, my mother left our home when I was 13 and didn't hear from her for over 10 years.

So in the years I needed a female rolemodel I had only guys around me, some of which took advantage of me being a little lost with no female rolemodel to shape me into what they wanted.

So, I can't complain much on some aspects, I went to school and got my masters degree, have a great job and great career.

But, I have a few things that are kind of obvious.

I don't like to kiss, this is an issue because guys assume that I am not interested in dating them if I don't want to kiss them. Even if we have sex just because I won't kiss them makes them think I am not interested.

I don't like vaginal sex, now this one I don't understand at all, why I don't like vaginal sex I have no idea, but I don't. But again guys assume I am not interested on them if I don't have vaginal sex with them, even though I give them lots of oral and (sometimes) have anal sex

Just those 2 things puts me at a point where guys don't understand me, assume that I am not interested and they walk away.

 

If you are fucked in the head, blame it on your upbringing, it is never one's fault anymore. Woman, stop blaming others and get checked. Is your fucking fault. I do not know anyone that would not think you do not like them if you did not kiss them or did not let them have sex with you. Your ass and your mouth do not replace your pussy. Period. No excuses. You want a man, spread your legs, personality and blowjobs will only go so far.

 

I could see where those to things could be a big problem!! I need to kiss, so that would stop things right there!!!


You just need to find a guy that feels the same way you do!!!

 

thats a little harsh [bacterius], she was only asking a question. to the OP. i do think you have issues, thats obvious. i also think that the only way you will be able to get over it and get on with your life is to see a conseller (bad spelling i know, sory). but I wouldnt wory about guys walking away, if they realy like you then they will understand and help you, rather then fuck you off.
xx

 

have to agree with gooch yes there will be those men who will just say the hell with it but there are those that will be understanding if you are honest with them about why but showing that you are trying to get some help makes a big difference

 

First, I am sorry that your childhood was not one any child deserves.

Second, the only advice I recommend or would give is that you get much needed therapy and if you have in the past to go back into it again.

Before I came to this message board I was on another one where alternative relationships were the main topic. One of the sad things I saw on that site was many people, especially women that were victims of abuse, try to self medicate and get a long term good relationship based on their terms which were out of the norm. Many became delusional with what they want was perfectly good for any man and most of these women were well past middle age and had a life of loneliness.

I do not mean to scare you that I think you will end up that way but for you to work on your issues and not run away from your issues all the while trying to get another to have no issue with them. Men despite their hard exteriors have soft underbellies and enjoy intimacy and being sexually desired by the woman they love. The fact is kissing, regular intercourse and giving pleasure to the woman they care for can often be huge things. Is that all a relationship is, of course not, but intimacy and expressions of love is important and often desired communication in our sexual relationships.

People are allowed to seek out what they need or really feel is important to them. Someone not into kissing or regular intercourse are big things that men might very well walk away from. Some may not, but you cannot expect a man you like to accept the limitation you put out there. Life does not work that way.

Please get therapy and work on or continue to work on your issues. It will give the best long term chance of a great and complete life.

 

My type of girl

See I don't see whats in a kiss,,,, and for oral sex,,, I like that more then regular sex,, call me weird,,, But that what I enjoy ,,, So I don't think your that weird at all !! :rose:

 

dickhead.


of course it is your fault you were abused, what a whore you must have been....:wall:

please ignore his stupidity darling :rose:

you like what you like, and you will find someone who likes the same as you, or someone who helps you heal and enjoy vaginal sex.

i dont like kissing sometimes, and im more than happy to have lots of sex with no kissing at all some of the time.

also, if you think you are wierd well there are lotsa people on here who are weirder!!!!!

 

Maybe you have issues, maybe just preferencs. whatever the case, if you are getting close enough to a man to take that next step, tell him what you just told all of us. if its too hard to say, or you cant find the courage, then chances are, it isnt the right guy... - there is a match out there, plenty of them... its up to you to find one. ---

 

Everyone is different. It's as simple as that. You just need to relax, eventually you will find a guy who is happy to sit back and wait for you to be ready . I have to admit, I really do enjoy kissing... but if you explained it to me, I would be able to live without it... as long as I got lots of hugs

 

You're early life has obviously left you with issues that may require the help of a professional therapist but you are not weird.

There are women who, for whatever reason, do not enjoy oral and/or anal sex. That doesn't make them weird; different from other women maybe, but not weird.

You are what you are and any partner should accept that while helping you come to terms with the way you express your feelings and sexual desire.

I wish you well for the future.

 

I guess you're not here looking for sympathy but understanding and advice maybe.

Fisrt things first I but there aren't many men who couldn't survive on only oral sex and no kissing so don't settle for anyone less than perfect for you.

As a man I would find your sexual preferences fine as long as I had some way of getting you off. If there was no way of feeling like I'd satisfied you I'd struggle with that.

 

Well sorry about your childhood and upbringing. I can understand where it is all coming from and that, but I like to kiss and am pretty good at it as well - so me personally I am not sure I would like to never do that. As for the anal/vaginal thing. I have known girls before that prefer anal over vaginal and that was almost all we did while we were together sexually speaking. Was still nice to fuck her vaginally though.

If guys dont want to date ya and cant over all of that then so be it. You will find the right guy for you and he will be patient enough with you to help work through your insecurities. I wouldnt worry too much about being the "norm". What the fuck is that anyways?? Beides prolly what is undoubtedly boring! Take care and if ya want to chat can always drop me a line.

 

WOW!

I cant believe how effed up some of these answers are, she is in need of answers to her problems, and more than likely some professional help.But dumb-asses like some of these answers show some of you to be just dont cut it, if you cant be of help or at least be nice, keep your damn comments to yourselves.

 

some women who don't like virginal sexy usually have a issue with their uterus being inverted! found that out! ask your doctor. what's going on is that missionary positions are very painful at the beginning so you can't do it it will ln ever be a joy so an ex was on a mission to figure out what the hell was going one, and it turns out the position was it. My doctor confirmed it. I can do top, side, doggie, legs really high up with pillow for years, but the man on top hell no it was so painful now, I'm good and can do all but I hate missionary and do not do it all that much! also, kissing is very important and close, the issue with kissing is that you don't trust them, it's that simple, you have to go slow and really communicate to the person you love what has happened. If they can't or want help you build on this fear, then you do not need them. Move on and find someone who does. I did, I found a geek like me that wanted to understand me, my sexual needs and help me get over whatever they were. I love kissing but we each have our own issues.

 

eh o.o Well it would suck, having to explain the no kissing thing. but think of it this way.... this pretty much makes it harder for you to date guys that only want to use and lose you.


:3 sounds fine to me. I hope you find someone that makes you feel good about yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting alternative sexual experiences.

 

i do feel sorry for yah cos its definately linked to your upbringing...but you NEED to overcome your fears of kissing and vaginal sex...a man can be understasnding...to a point. I would say im a nice guy, but i dont think i could last in a relationship where i couldnt kiss or make love properly to the girl i loved

 

We can debate the relative rights and wrongs of your situation all day, but the entire conversation is moot if you haven't tried talking about this with the men you've been dating. Have you?

 

You need to see a therapist. I believe how you were treated was very wrong, and no one deserves that. However, you cannot solve this by yourself, even though you were left to defend yourself back then. Please go to a therapist. In the meantime, I would suggest you split your time between friends and yourself. Take up a hobby. No man is going to be able to truly understand why it is that you act this way. If the therapist suggests you start seeing a man, then do it. I have a feeling that is far away though. The important first step is that you go to a therapist though.

 

Jennifer, I'm going to send you a PM, but basically, you need to get some professional help to overcome the issues you have about kissing and vaginal sex, as many have said.