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  1. Male Lesbian

    Male Lesbian Narrator of Desire

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2017
    Messages:
    13,770
    I recently met someone who I thought might be "the one" only to find out that she has no desire for sex. She has been sexually abused in the past? Even kissing is off the boards, everything else about her is perfect, would that relationship work?
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #1
  2. Hypersexual69

    Hypersexual69 Newcumer

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1
    Well, to answer your question, the relationship would only work if the lack of sex is sustainable for you. As far as why? If you really care about this chick take some time to build some trust and just ask her where the lack of intimacy comes from. Her lack of desire could be chalked up to a plethora of things, and your best bet would be to communicate about that ‍♂️
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #2
  3. speakeasy

    speakeasy Advocate

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2007
    Messages:
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    No. She has suffered abuse and should seek help before she even thinks about entering a relationship.
    Your parents would classify her as "Damaged Goods"

    If you really care about her, be her friend first. Encourage her to seek help from a professional.
    If she cares about you, she'll end up hating herself and you'll end up resenting her for not, for not being able to give you what you want.
    Do you want a friend or do you want to get laid? You can't have both with her. At least not for a while.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    #3
  4. BeatItUpRight

    BeatItUpRight Porn Star

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    If you ask me, which you did. You have just found a female "best friend". Unless she would be open to you having sex with another women since she wont. Just be a friend, who knows maybe down the line you will crack the code. Don't go into a sexless relationship if your a sexual person. No point in burning a bridge
     
    • Like Like x 3
    #4
  5. Phoebefabulous

    Phoebefabulous Sex Lover

    Joined:
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    Walk away.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #5
  6. E DOG

    E DOG Porn Star

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2016
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    she has to help her self first about her abuse she took before. when and if she she wants to have sex then she'll let u know. like @BeatItUpRight said i have a cool girl to hang with now. to go on dates if u want u know she doesn't want sex but she's a good person to be with that's cool. for me tho i like sex and passion kissing and all that and if i met a girl that didn't give that to me i would be her friend but not a fuck friend.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #6
  7. deegenerate

    deegenerate Goddess of Desire

    Joined:
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    There are women who have been sexually abused and are able to move on to have fulfilling sex lives eventually, but only after they have had therapy to help them through that. Since you feel she might be "the one", you must already have some feelings involved, so I would say be good friends for now, and seek sexual gratification elsewhere.

    Encourage her to get professional help, and maybe she can regain her sexual well-being with time.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    1. nicedad65
      wife was sexually abused bye her dad for many year.s we have a great sex live 36 year.s and going lot.s of love
       
      nicedad65, Jul 22, 2018
    #7
  8. naztypanty

    naztypanty Porn Star

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    Sounds like you will be continually frustrated and unhappy.
     
    #8
  9. VenusInFurze

    VenusInFurze Online Odalisque

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    I have an asexual partner, we love each other but literally never have sex. It’s a romantic relationship, not “just friends.” But since I’m polyamorous I have other partners to have sex with. I don’t think I could be in a monogamous sexual relationship.

    That said, sexual abuse is very traumatic and difficult to come back from. I’m not going to even say “to get over” because I don’t think one ever does. For me it was a process of moving through it, not past it.

    Therapy can be a huge help. And friends who can listen and sympathize. She also needs people to take her mind off it - platonically for now.

    If you have feelings for her that have a lot of sexuality involved it might be best not to hang out with her. But if you do see this as potentially long term and are willing to wait, the most loving thing to do is be the friend she needs.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    #9
  10. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
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    This is really a question for you to answer, but I must agree that not getting your hopes up too high and befriending her would be best for now if sex is a non negotiable. A friend needs to tell her that she needs therapy, what happen to her is not her fault but not doing something to counter the affect is wrong!
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #10
  11. randallgossip

    randallgossip Bad Wolf

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    I think everyone is on the same page here. This is something for a professional therapist to tackle. Not something the love of a good man is going to solve, no matter how good your intentions. If you want to be her friend and support and love her through that process, that's wonderful; but I wouldn't bank on her falling into your arms if she is able to get over this issue.

    Ok, can't stop me from talking about myself :) I had a girlfriend who had issues being touched (I have my suspicions why) and she was trying to work through it with me - without professional help and possibly with the cause of the cause of the issue still going on. At first even hugging or holding hands could make her wince and curl up into a ball. Over 9 months or so we made it all the way to oral sex, and she loved me going down on her, but it was an epic struggle for her and very frustrating for me - both sexually and watching someone I cared about struggle so hard. Ultimately she broke up with me anyway (I have my suspicions why).

    So as someone who tried and failed... I'd suggest being her friend and supporting her if you're strong enough, but keep dating around.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #11
  12. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

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    No. You are not going to fix her issues. So you can only be a friend to her. I suspect even if she tried to get help it would be a long road for her.
     
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    #12
  13. amethyst10

    amethyst10 Porn Star In XNXX Heaven

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    I think a non-sexual relationship *can* work, but I also think the odds are against it. How long are you going to be happy with someone who has no desire for sex? Where are you going to find an outlet for your desires? And I think every male lesbian will eventually need an outlet.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    #13
  14. RetiredOF

    RetiredOF Porno Junky

    Joined:
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    NO
     
    #14
  15. Lessingham

    Lessingham Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2018
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    Women lie. I married my wife with her promising things would change one we were married. Then things would change once the pressure of the honeymoon was over. I stayed for love and endured a crappy sex life. Always the promise things would change. So, you will not change her and the question is, can you accept a sexless relationship.
     
    1. speakeasy
      Like an addict saying that they just need to get through this next crisis and then they'll seek help. The problem is, there's always another crisis just around the corner.
       
      speakeasy, Jul 17, 2018
    #15
  16. RCummings

    RCummings Porn Star

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    I hate doing this since you seem to realy like this woman but as far as a relationship which is anything more than just good friends I am going to have to say.....

    Dont Even Think About It !

    The very fact that you are on this site probably indicates you as a person is sexual by nature and going into a romantic relationship with the knowledge that sex ( even kissing) is off limits really is a big NO.

    Please dont think that somehow she is going to change, even with all your love and patience. She had gone through a trauma but it is for her to deal with this and not you.

    Think how it might be in one year from now, two years from now when the person you love and are commited to cannot even bring themselves to kiss you let alone anything more.

    If you honestly believe you can live without any form of sexual intimacy then maybe, if not Dont!!!

    Be a really good friend to her by all means but getting involved on any other level and you may well end up hurting her and yourself far more than keeping it as 'just good friends'
     
    • Like Like x 3
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
    #16
  17. Jack Mine

    Jack Mine The Pope of Assholiness

    Joined:
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    You're telling us that you met someone who you think might be the one? Are you that fuckin blind and stupid to see that she is the one? By her opening up and letting you that she was sexualy abused in the past should show you something right there. But all your mind is on, is how you can get into this girls pants. How about thinking about what she went through, if you seriously think she may be the one? Not the one to just fuck, but the one who you could spend your life with? When you care about someone you help them, you don't worry about how you can get to fuck them
     
    • Like Like x 2
    1. Sweetpassion
      Love this post!! Very true!!
       
      Sweetpassion, Jul 18, 2018
      stan123 likes this.
    #17
  18. Hussie6776

    Hussie6776 Occasionally. So what..?

    Joined:
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    I don't think I've had a relationship with anyone that wasn't the victim of abuse at some point in their lives. I've never known beforehand. I don't seek out damaged or vulnerable partners, the opposite in fact.

    What I wanted to say, as a competely unqualified person, is that I don't think anyone's sex life should be over because of previous abuse. Whether you're the person to help overcome any related issues is an issue in itself.

    I suppose issues need tissues is inappropriate here. Oh well, don't rule anyone out, speaking as someone that's occasionally made a positive difference but also on occasion, has been left with issues I could of done without.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    #18
  19. Goldglove99

    Goldglove99 Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2012
    Messages:
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    Would she watch you masturbate?
     
    #19
  20. stan123

    stan123 Porn Star

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    No abuse should not end somebody's sex life. One cannot ever forget such traumatic events but they have to be able to come to terms with it and realize that it is in the past and it is unlikely to re occur by someone else. It is kind of a problem of letting go of the horrific images of the abuse and being able to realize and replace those with good happy feelings or images in their mind. Is she able to do this and feel happy with a normal relationship or has her mind been been stained by by the previous despicable events is what the question is.

    If he cares for her it is not for us to judge. Male Lesbian has to realize that if he wants to try that he has to be accepting that it may only become a friendship.
    Jack did a good job of describing that one. He can help her but approach it without expectations or else on or both could end up getting hurt.
    The main objective should be to help her to feel good about herself and about life and help her get past what has happened.

    I am not qualified nor have I worked with or observed such cases to really know of any typical patterns of outcomes.
    I do know a few woman who have had some sort of abuse and they typically acknowledge as bad is the events were that they are in the past and realize that other people are not the same as the one who abused them.
    They are able to realize that they can be happy with someone.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    1. Hussie6776
      So, all in all, we have very little information to go on and we're not qualified. We try though, whether it's run forest run or thoughts/opinions based on the best we have to offer. I love this place for that.
       
      Hussie6776, Jul 21, 2018
      Sweetpassion and stan123 like this.
    #20