Well, I've returned home where I was greeted by my remaining house guests who at this moment feel more like being embraced by family than new found friends.
Two of my house guests had accompanied me back home for the service, and it seemed they where never more than an arms length away whenever I felt the most vulnerable. They became my strength when it seemed I had none left. With all the drama that existed between my father and I, the sense of profound loss was surprising for me. All of the protective Armour I'd carried for so many years had crumbled, and turned to dust.

So now I'm home, and horrendously overtired. My father new he had little time left. With others, he'd had that conversation none of us really want to have, but is part of life. With me, it simply wasn't possible since I was so far removed from my family home. But an envelope was waiting for me for when I arrived. I've opened the letter my father had left for me with the instructions that it wasn't to be opened until I got back home. Comments of endearment that from him, I'd never heard before, including that he was proud of who I'd become!

From the time of my youth, I knew I'd never find peace until I finally removed myself from any possibility of being in the same place as my father. That with the volatility of his temper, all the turmoil of the never ending confrontations between my father, and myself would only escalate until one or the other would cross a line that couldn't be taken back. So maybe you'll understand my dismay, and surprise at his impressions of me.

The fact that he'd expressed any feelings of endearment was out of character for him. His listed impressions of what I'd become, has been surprising to say the least. Why just once couldn't he have had a visit with me where we could have been kind to one another, rather than there always seeming to be a prelude to yet another fight?

What we perceive to be in the hearts of others isn't always the case. Such a tragedy!
Why is it we never say the things of the most importance during the living years, but instead seems to be left for us to discover when those thoughts can't be shared together?

It was also bitter sweet to reconnect with family, and friends that I hadn't seen for years, and many I'll not likely meet again. Time is not our friend.






He's now fought his final battle.
Sleep peacefully.

 

My sympathies for having to suffer such a loss, especially having to remove yourself from a close family. We do what we do to survive. I hope you'll at some time be able to reconnect. For me wounds where too deep to make peace. I hope yours can be overcome.

 

Shooter has been fortunate that his large and extended family gets along well.
Except for the brother in law who declared that "You are all dead to me" at his mother's funeral.
Oh, and the Niece who refuses to talk to anyone on this side of the family.
And the asshole brother and his bitch of a wife who are unwelcome to cross Shooter's property line.........

Just kidding. Getting along with family can be a real pain in the ass, and often just plain impossible. But, when one does get along, the warmth and security we enjoy from it is just not beatable. When one can't get along, no matter the reason, the hassle isn't worth it.

Condolences for your loss Freespiritx. Take some consolation in knowing that the pain and loss that is so overwhelming now will gradually lessen, but that your dad's pain and suffering is done. He is at peace now, and Shooter is sure, would want you to find peace.