I've tried everythign to help her. Fingers, tongue, toys, cock. And whatever I try she never gets there. I suspect she's got some sort of mental block.
Sex-wise she's also pretty inhibited - she'll never masturbate in front of me (I don't think she masturbates full stop) and things that porn is 'dirty'.
Does anyone have any useful advice because every time I try to get her to orgasm and fail I think 'why bother'. Wanking is less hassle.

 

Did you ever seriously talk about it with her?

 

Jule has the first and best tip. Talk about it first. But then both of you relax. Don't put a lot of pressure on her and don't make her orgasim the focal point of your sexual encounters. Just have fun and I'll bet it will happen.

 

We have talked about it. She's even been to a therapist. No luck. And we've been together for 5 years. That's five years that I've been unable to give her an orgasm and I'm frankly getting pissed off.

 

Getting pissed off?

I think your choice of words is interesting.. I would have expected something like disappointed.

Is it possible, that she feels bad about not being able to cum for you?

 

Can't edit it anymore..

I am definately not trying to say, that this is the reason for it. It just might be an additional factor.

 

Hi.
I have a thread hereabouts on Romance and sex fantasy.

I didn't start that thread to be a wanker.

I started it because it seems to me, most young folk I know of, have a great idea about how to fuck like an animal now days.

More so than when I was young I'm sure.

But as far as talking intimately with a woman. Well. They are too often almost clueless IMO.

I suggest getting a book (or something), that deals with the topic of intimacy.

What these ladies have said to you in this thread is true. You must talk to her, and I mean "deeply".

You have to find a way to her heart (her inner mind if you prefer) you probably will have to coax her out of a shell so to speak.

An orgasm is about letting loose for most women I ever met. There are still some very shy girls around who need a lot more encouragement before they can let it all hang out sexually so to speak.

For what its worth. I had a girlfriend the same way once when I was young.

But I have always been a rather svelte male.

Able to charm not only the pants off the women I fancied, but help make them very comfortable with me in short order. Mainly because they could tell I genuinely cared about their feeling, rather than constantly thinking how much better I'd feel if they spun round on me knob like a wing-nut.
Of corse I did think like that. Its a matter of effort.

The girl I mentioned, indeed progressed to virtual screaming orgasms over time. Including a true female ejaculation while whapped around a spice bottle I was dildoing her with at the time. Now, believe me when I say, it wasn't the spice bottle that did the trick

(worse luck, I'd patent the bastard if it were. lol )

It was because I used to lay with her, for hours sometimes, cuddling and confessing my love for her etc. I'd confess vulnerabilities too, she'd tell me hers, I didn't judge her etc etc. See what I'm saying?

She eventually felt safe enough to gush forth in my presents, (orgasm) because she felt loved and respected and knew it was safe to pop like good champagne eventually. (and boy was that a sweet vintage. yum yum )

Hope I have made some sense.

 

Agree with everything Fanfiction said.

 

Couldn't agree with you more. You are right on target. The young folks should really heed this advice. Their love lives will be improved immeasurably.

 

What a load of crap. My partner is 38. I'm 43. All my previous partners have managed to get there - which kind of implies I know that to do. We've talked, but it does not good. And I feel SO frustrated.

 

Honestly? Your attitude sucks..

You ask for advice, and the reply you get from Fanfiction is really good and helpfull. Might not work for you (which I doubt) but other people might be gratefull for Fanfiction's words.

We can only give you generel tipps what to do. We know neither you, nor your wife.

Quite possible, that your other women got off, the one you have now doesn't, so there has to be a reason for it.

You talked to her? If she got the same impression of your opinin as I got from reading your posts...

 

I agree. I don't think you'll ever get her there with that attitude. Getting her to orgasm shouldn't feel like a chore.

 

I think the key to this is masturbation. Most women are a lot better at making themselves come than they are at coming with a man. But if she's capable of bringing herself to orgasm, she's capable of getting there in other ways.

It may be that she's so repressed sexually that she even thinks masturbation is wrong and has never practiced it. That's the place to start, but it doesn't sound like she even wants to explore it. She needs some professional help, and you need to lighten up on her.

 

I don't mean to be insenitive, but if it's a major problem that you can't seem to get past. Then maybe both you need to be with someone else. Question: you say that you have been together for 5 yrs. and that she is 38 yrs.old. Has she ever had a orgasm before you met her. (If so), you may be the problem. If not, then she has a problem, maybe mentally or physically. Also, maybe you need to try to get her to be more uninhibited. Ever thought about 3somes or swinging. If you feel that you tried everything and there's nothing else left to do or say, then it might be time to pack it in and go your seperate ways. 5yrs is a long time though.

 

Yes. I had assumed poster was younger.
What Kimiko and coolmadness said is well ment.

 

Does it bother HER that she can't cum? It sounds like the problem is that you feel inadequate because she isn't cumming. If that's true, then your frustration will be 'rubbing off' (no pun intended) on her, causing even more pressure to cum.

You hear all the time about people who try and try and try without luck to get pregnant. After years of trying, they give up and BAM!, the woman ends up pregnant.

Perhaps if you stop concentrating on it, it will cum.

 

Verrrrrry insightful, Piggit...

 

SEND HER ROUND MY HOUSE I WOULD MAKE SURE SHE HAD MULTIPLE ORGASMS :twisted:

 

Yeah. After another round of seemingly unsatisfying sex (I came, she didn't), she rolled over to me and said that she read an article that says that lots of women have trouble coming because they fear that if they don't, their men will feel inadequade. So that extra pressure to make a man feel manly is actually ruining the sex for her.

My GF always insisted that it was the closeness that counts. Of course, I want to give her the best possible every single time, but that just isn't possible. So she does enjoy it more, even if she's not comming and comming, when I relax and enjoy it versus when I keep going slow or stopping to draw it out just a few minutes longer.

 

The biggest female sex organ is the BRAIN! I would hazard to guess she is feeling your frustration and that is only adding additional pressure. You should heed the good advice of others here and work on the emotional side - the body just follows when things are right.